(Closed) "You'll change your mind"

posted 4 years ago in No Kids
Post # 2
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My Mother-In-Law looked at me one day during a family gathering.. Tears welled up in her eyes.. And said “How can you not want this joy in your life?”. 

It was in reference to my niece, standing on a couch.. Screaming about something. I just said we all define joy differently. I was very zen about it.. My eyes were probably daggers though.

The thing that bothers me most about the ‘you’ll change your mind comments’ is that.. Even if I did.. Whats it to you?

 

Post # 3
Member
4191 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

WTF? I’m not even CFBC and I think that’s offensive. Having kids isn’t for everybody, why is that so fucking difficult for people to get?

ETA: it’s also an exceptionally condescending thing to say. Like “I know your feelings on this very personal subject better than you do”.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by  saratiara2.
Post # 4
Member
377 posts
Helper bee

I just shrug it off if it’s someone I don’t know very well. Luckily I haven’t had a problem with those close to me believing me.

If it’s a semi-close friend or colleague and they are pressing me with the whole ‘what if you change your mind/you might change your mind’ business, I respond that I might indeed change my mind, but I would have to have a complete personality transplant for that to occur 🙂

Post # 5
Member
3900 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

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Hodgy527:  when I was a teen and in my early 20’s I was like “I an NEVER having kids” mom was rolling her eyes and saying I will change my mind…  which was supper annoying cause I was 100% certain that I would never change my mind about this. Well as much as I hate to admit it… mom was right. Lol

Post # 6
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

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KC-2722: “The thing that bothers me most about the ‘you’ll change your mind comments’ is that.. Even if I did.. Whats it to you?” 

I am soo glad you said this. I have quite a few CFBC friends and I’ve seen similar teasing (if you can call it that). It’s so condescending.

View original reply
Hodgy527:  I generally put it down to ignorance.

Post # 7
Member
5152 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

The thing I hate is when I post pictures or am tagged in photos on facebook w/my nephews. Someone ALWAYS comments about how “natural” I look and how I need to have one of my own.

There was a picture recently of me with my nephew and a dog and my Mother-In-Law commented, “See, you can handle a dog and a baby”. My response: “But I can’t lock a baby in a crate when I want to go out for the night”. I’m pretty sure she didnt know what to say to that one….

Post # 8
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee

one of my coworkers was joking about how I was pregnant because I wasnt feeling well. my crass response. that will never happen and if it did there are coat hangers for that..  She was horrified by what I said and left. I figured if they are constantly going to be joking about pregnancy when they know I don’t want a child then I can say the most outlandish thing to disgust them 🙂  if they don’t like my answers then they shouldn’t bring it up when they know how I feel. now its a game to me.  how can I one up myself. 

Post # 9
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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weatherbug:  Omg, that is the best response I have ever seen! LOL!

Post # 10
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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weatherbug:  HAHA! That’s so great.

I held a child in a picture about 2 months ago.. I’ve yet to live it down. I’m a natural.. At holding a child for the split second it takes to get a good picture!

Post # 11
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’ve never been excited about babies. At least, other people’s babies hardly interest me; but it comes in cycles. I do think it’s something I could regret not doing down the road, so I’m not a strict “no kids” person, but I very much understand and respect that camp.

I’m 31 and my husband is 36. He’s been reminding me quite often of that fact; so in a way, even though he says we don’t have to have kids, I don’t want to keep him from something in life I feel I could probably be happy about. I’m just afraid of losing myself and what I love- my independence and equestrianism.

I’ve received plenty of baby-related questioning over the years, but the two that stuck with me most were from my divorced parents. I got divorced in my mid-twenties after being married for several years to someone I was very close to as a friend, but didn’t function with as a husband. My mother called me out-of-the-blue (and in tears) while I was grocery shopping to say she was devastated that she’d never be a grandmother. I was 26 years old and had a steady boyfriend at the time, but I guess that wasn’t good enough (she was pregnant with me at 28, by-the-way).

Recently, I sent my father an e-mail link to a Lusitano horse I was interested in down in Brazil, and all he wrote back was: “You should be worried about a baby instead”. My husband thinks he was mostly joking, but I was genuinely irritated because that’s as far as the conversation ever went and he knows equestrian sports are my life blood.

It struck a chord with me because I see so many people dedicate their entire adult lives to their children’s enrichment activities and forget what makes them happy. Is there any chance so many failed relationships are partly due to parents sacrificing their identity on the alter of children’s activities and forgetting themselves? I’m sure if I were a parent, I would do everything I could to enrich my children’s lives, but you need to remain strong for them and part of that might be saying “no” to the traveling soccer team. My mom let me do 4-H every weekend, but I never got to do the big, far away events or skip school like my friends. Do I wish I could have? Of course… But I had a single parent who needed relaxation on the weekend, and I completely understand that.

I can’t blame people for not having kids, so it’s never even a topic I bring up, unless they volunteer information about it- and they often have.

Post # 12
Member
8936 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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weatherbug:  
View original reply
KC-2722:  Their thinking must go something like “Your first instinct is NOT to eat the young? You should breed.” Actually, eating the young is often “natural”, so….

Post # 13
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

She probably said that because that’s true for a lot of people.  I never thought about having kids until I was around 20 and then I just wanted them.  I honestly didn’t even know that some people didn’t even want kids (ever) until I came to this site lol.  I wouldn’t take it personal.  She probably really believes that you will change your mind, even though you won’t.

Post # 14
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Sea Cider

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darkhorse84: 

 

my mother sent me this on pinterest, and I told her that for the six horses I’d want (Haflingers all day, every day), 12 million would probably cover import, food, board, vet bills, entry fees, and a trainer for like, three years. 😛

View original reply
Hodgy527:  I have one friend, whom I love dearly, who ALWAYS sends me messages like this. she’s a Stay-At-Home Mom, with one little one and another on the way, and as she has never had a career, I have a sneaking suspicion that she feels somehow personally affronted by my choice not to have kids – like somehow, just because I don’t want my OWN brood of crying, screaming, puking, not-real-humans-for-eighteen-years spawn, means that I look down on her for having kids. she won’t come out and say as much, though, so we have yet to be able to have this conversation. her wife, though, sighs when she does this, so I at least feel like I have an ally.

on the flip side, Future Sister-In-Law has happily okay-ed my plan to immediately boot her kids off to Swiss boarding school, should she die while they’re young (she plans on naming my Fiance and I as one set of godparents). “They’ll learn many languages, and be great skiiers!”

Post # 15
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m 34 now, so the “you’ll change your mind” sillyness has stopped. When I was younger, especially when I lived in the south, it was nonstop. This was my standard response:

Me: Have you ever thought about changing churches? I hear the Unitarian one is nice.

Them: Of course not! I’m a Baptist/Methodist/Other.

Me: Oh, you’ve got time yet, you’ll change your mind.

Them: That’s crazy! Why would you ever think that? 

Me: The same way you think I’ll change my mind about kids. 

 That usually put a stop to it.

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