(Closed) "You'll change your mind"

posted 6 years ago in No Kids
Post # 31
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

Fellow fence sitter here :). Leaning more towards no kids though, and sometimes when I tell people that they say the same thing “you’ll change your mind”. Hmm I had no idea you could see into the future, what are tomorrow’s lotto numbers? Hahah

I don’t mind it when someone says it like “Who knows, you might change your mind someday” or something like that. I have a coworker who constantly talks about her kid. Like, non-stop. And when she asked if I was ready for children, I said definitely not now, maybe in the future, but maybe not at all. She said “oh you’ll change your mind”. I go “you have a daughter right?” She said yes. Then I said “you’ll change your mind”. She didn’t know what to say. We laughed about it, but she never brought the topic up again 🙂

Post # 32
Member
4078 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I heard ‘you’ll change your mind’ from random people all through my 20’s and early 30’s.

Now I just get looks of pity tinged with confusion in my late 30’s. Not sure what is worse! Ha, I do know I shut people down pretty quick who have opinions about what I should do with my brief time on this earth. You do ‘you’, I’ll do ‘me’.

Post # 33
Member
24 posts
Newbee

When I was in college a group of friends started talking about baby names or something and when it was my “turn” to tell what names I’d pick for my kids, I said I didn’t want to have any. The girl that had started the conversation stared at me with her mouth wide open and finally said, “I thought you were a sweet girl”!

Over the years I’ve also been told, “who’s going to take care of you when you’re old?”, “you’ll die alone”, “you’ll love kids when you have your own”, “why bother marrying if you don’t want children”, and so on.

Post # 34
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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havenspartyof2:  I’m currently waiting on what I’m certain will be a massive vet bill from my mare being kicked by another horse, but hey! She’s not going to college! ;D

Post # 35
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

People are so pushy when it comes to kids. I personally want one and the reaction is

“You CANT just have one”

It never fails… and my answer is always “SAYS WHOOOOOOO”

Annoying!

Post # 36
Member
7534 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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MeandMyLouboutins:  This. I am CFBC but I have seen similar comments to friends/relatives who have had kid/s. The baby is barely out and someone is asking them when the next is coming! 

Post # 37
Member
7534 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think some of it is because they (the general they) are so confused by what being CFBC is because so many run around using the term without understanding what it means. I can’t count the number of times I’ve read this statement “I am CFBC now but will be ttc in a year” or some other qualifier of when they would actually have a child (like an oopps baby).

So you can kind of understand why people say “you will change your mind” when they see supposed CFBC doing that. Couple that with societies continued insistance that it is a womans job to procreate and the general sheep like mentailty of the world as a whole and boom you have the perfect storm of not understanding a different choice.

 

Post # 38
Member
1338 posts
Bumble bee

people seem to think accidental pregnancy is a viable argument against me saying I won’t change my mind. A lot of people I know are actually CFBC which is nice, but I’m sort of targeted by one girl despite that. She constantly tells me I will get accidentally pregnant and love it, or will outright change my mind. I gently repeatedly tell her (usually with euphemism) that I would get an abortion because fuck that. She is surprised every single time. She is also smugly sure of herself that I’m going to have a couple kids.

Post # 39
Member
763 posts
Busy bee

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Hodgy527:  ugh at “maybe a little baby growing“. bleh. barf. 

there have been several times in my life where I’ll mention some vague malady I’m having that day, and people I barely know will hint at pregnancy. um, people have headaches or stomach aches for all kinds of reasons, but thanks for your armchair diagnosis. 

Post # 40
Member
1617 posts
Bumble bee

Yeah. I got that shit, too. When I was in my 20s.

Here’s another favorite: “You’ll feel differently when you’re with the right man.” 

Here I am….in my 40s….with the right man…haven’t changed my mind. No kids. Don’t feel like having them. 

So much for those blanket predictions. 🙂

Post # 41
Member
2721 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I changed my mind about having kids, but I don’t believe it’s true for everybody at all.

Post # 42
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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Hodgy527:  I certainly “changed my mind” about having kids. I went from the firm “Yes” camp to the firm “No” camp. So people sure can change their minds as they age and grow. However, my previous position of wanting kids was based mostly on emotionality, societal expectations and a large dose of fantasy. My position now reflects a very very informed choice, and is grounded in reality. So, it is still possible that I could change my mind again, but I really doubt it….

Post # 43
Member
1402 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

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darkhorse84:  I can’t believe you’re not letting your horse go to college.

Post # 44
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee

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Miss_Mae:  YAAAASSS 

I’m a fence sitter and have always felt weird about pregnancy and these societal rules didtating that I should want to become a human incubator and WILL ENJOY IT IF YOU WANT TO BE A GOOD WOMAN. Such….. bleeeehhhh. Other little girls thought nothing of stuffing basketballs up their shirts and going ‘I’m a mommy’. I couldn’t explain why it made me uncomfortable. Fortunately, my mom and dad have always taught me that becoming a parent is a choice. So thanks mom and dad! I don’t dislike kids. But pregnancy and all the BS opinions that people force on you about raising children and what you should do with your body freak me out.

 Anyway, the worst I had was after a rehearsal with an amateur theatre group as a teenager. A couple of the ladies were talking about motherhood and one of them was in her third trimester. She was voicing her fears about childbirth and the older ones were comforting her (or rather, shutting down her concerns). I guess she took my awkwardness as me feeling left out, so she asked if I wanted children someday. I told her truthfully I was leaning towards no. She seemed to accept that. But one of the older ones took my hand and told me that that was nonsense and everyone says that as a teenager and when I lock eyes with my baby for the first time, I’ll forget I ever felt that way. I was too meek at the time to stand my ground. I just nodded and was so shaken I went to the bathroom to cry in frustration! Now, I would not have hesitated to give her what for. Like: why the hell would I be popping one out in her scenario anyway? Did she think my opinion didn’t matter and I would come to see that and do my wifely duties? Guuuuhhhh!

 The worst thing is: the longer I’m with my SO, the more I think it wouldn’t be so bad. With him, anyway. He sympathetic to my feelings, a badass feminist, so paternal and has avoided the notion that as a man, he shouldn’t want to be as involved with babies and pregnancy as mothers are. It’s refreshing. That being said, if we break up, my tubes are as good as tied lol. But I imagine that lady smugly saying ‘I told you so.’ So enraging! Why should she care?

Post # 45
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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thelibrarylady:  To be honest, I’m just not sure she has the aptitude and getting her to apply herself in high school was extremely taxing on my marriage.

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