(Closed) "You'll understand when you have kids" NWR (VENT)

posted 6 years ago in No Kids
Post # 2
Member
2452 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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loudsilence99:  Ugh, how freaking annoying. I admit, I don’t have kids so I guess “I don’t understand” but I really hate when parents let their kids dictate their every move. If my parents let me control their lives when I was a kid, we would’ve never went to my grandparents house ever or any relatives for holidays. I much preferred playing at home in my comfy clothes rather than dressing up and going to my aunt’s house. I also would’ve never ate vegetables, we’d only go to Disney for every vacation, and school wouldn’t have existed for me. To actually make a group of adults change plans because an 8 year old doesn’t want to sit in a car??? No. Not unless the kids has physical/mental issues that prevent him from doing so. I see it far too often now, parents going along with whatever the kids want to do. My entire family has had to switch ALL of our holiday traditions to driving way out of everyone’s way to my cousin’s house (who doesn’t clean or cook for the occassion so we scrounge up a bag of chips and order pizza for Christmas dinner) simply because her 9 year old son wants to be home playing with his new toys. What happened to telling a kid “You can play with them later, get in the car”???

I hope to god I never “understand when I have kids” because I don’t plan on raising a brat.

Post # 3
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee

Well, that’s rude. 

All of my family gets together for holidays and none of us would ever host our own dinner seperately when we are all invited to come together. It doesn’t sound like they would “get” it if you even tried to sit them down and talk to them about it bothering you, based on your BILs excuse for declining.

Post # 4
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2175 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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loudsilence99:  I hate any “you’ll understand when you ___” statement, it’s patronizing as all hell.

As for your MIL’s choices, I don’t know if you’ll understand this when you have kids, but I bet you will when you have grandkids.  Because as Easter dinners go, I’m pretty sure my parents would choose dog food in an active volcano if it’s with my kids over pretty much any other offer without them.  Grandparent love is quite frankly a little terrifying.

Post # 5
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8486 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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loudsilence99:  Try not to care so much. It almost sounds like your dinner is more for your family anyway, plus you hosted a new years day dinner. Why are you so bothered that she’s doing something else this holiday? Or that your husband’s brother is? To be perfectly honest, I wouldn’t want to spend that many holidays so close together with my spouse’s siblings or my sibling’s spouses. And I assume they feel the same. It’s not a big deal.

Post # 6
Member
7995 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

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jennmariee:  “As for your MIL’s choices, I don’t know if you’ll understand this when you have kids, but I bet you will when you have grandkids. Because as Easter dinners go, I’m pretty sure my parents would choose dog food in an active volcano if it’s with my kids over pretty much any other offer without them. Grandparent love is quite frankly a little terrifying.” Hilarious, disturbing and (in my experience) true. 

Agreed. OP, I am so sorry about both your Brother-In-Law and your Mother-In-Law. It is so disrespectful – both their actions and the things they have said. 

Post # 10
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30400 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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loudsilence99:  

She is choosing them over us, which she does for every holiday.

DH is hurt that his brother declines EVERYTHING

It is hurtful to be treated that way. The reality is that you can never change her or DH’s brother. You may have to change the only thing you can- your expectations.

 

 

Post # 11
Member
8486 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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julies1949:  Yep, this.

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loudsilence99:  If this is how their family has always been, this is how it will always be. Expect it and make your plans and decisions accordingly. The other option is to keep being angry and disappointed even though you know this is how they’re going to behave. Some people are into that, me, not so much.

Post # 12
Member
7380 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

That would bug me too!  I actually agree about doing all of that is probably a bit much for your nephew – but why plan to attend 3 Easter Egg hunts?  I assume those aren’t all events hosted by their family!

I was actually getting a bit annoyed with my sister as once she was here she started making Easter/Thanksgiving plans with friends often.  I could understand that a bit, as we were both students for a while and plans would be made fairly late if we would go to our hometown or not.  I started to just ask her much earlier about plans.  Then she had a kid and it seems like it’s become much more about family for them, plus my parents come here much more often.  I don’t need to have a kid to understand those changes!

Post # 14
Member
1705 posts
Bumble bee

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loudsilence99:  Wow, your husband’s family’s Thanksgiving traditions are insane. I’ve never heard of anything like that! The women are full servants!

I think your Brother-In-Law and Mother-In-Law are being obnoxious and giving Brother-In-Law special treatment, but at the same time, they might feel out of place at your family’s Easter celebration. It was nice of you to invite them, but I understand them wanting to do their own thing. My Fiance and I rotate family holidays, we don’t intermingle, and I suspect a lot of couples do it that way.

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