Post # 1
Hello everyone! I’m new to this site and this is my first post but after seeing all the great and wonderful topics I wanted to jump in
Anyways, I’m nineteen, a christian, and engaged. I’m starting to find out the world really looks down on marrying young.I know what other people think shouldn’t matter but any advice or stories you could share?
Post # 3
@Skyee: Yeah I have definitely felt that way and I got engaged at 22! 2 year engagement. And it’s not for religious reasons or anything. We just love each other and know we want to be together. I have more gotten judged by people my own age than older people. I think they think I’m an old maid now or something who just wants to stay in and play house because I’m engaged. I’m like, NO I still love girls night and all those other things we do! So yeah, some people judge. I stick more with friends who understand my dedication to my new family but still want to be friends with me. I think it really just depends on how open-minded people are. Don’t worry, there are lots of open-minded people out there!
Post # 4
@Skyee: You probably won’t find what you’re looking for here… most people will tell you that you’re too young.
But yes, I have a story. My husband and both are Christians, early twenties and married. I was 19 when we got engaged, and 20 when we got married. We are not expecting our first child in December. It was the right decision for us. I wouldn’t have ever changed a thing.
Post # 5
Congratulations on your engagement, and I hope you’ll forgive me for giving my honest opinion, but I don’t understand why the rush to take on the responsibility of marriage and commitment when you’re not even out of your teens?
I think the vast majority of 19-year-olds are not fully realized as adults — and by that I mean that they don’t even know who they are yet. Up until age 24 or so, I think is a time in one’s life to focus on exploring your interests, pursuing activities that help you to grow as a person and learn about the world, pursuing higher education and/or developing skills for some kind of career or trade so that you can support yourself (and possibly any future children you may plan on having).
I realize you can do all of that with a husband but my point is, when you are on a journey toward full adulthood, you may find that you are a different person at the end of the road.
I hope you’re one of the rare exceptions. I know there are people who marry very young and end up having that happy ending.
Hope I did not offend you with my response. I just think there are so many important developmental things that the average 19-year-old should be focused on, and marriage is not one of them IMO. I wish you well.
Post # 6
+1 I completely agree.
Honestly, it really depends on the couple. Personally, my Fiance and I have been together for almost a decade. We are getting married 12 days before our 10 year anniversary. We started dating at 15 and 17, we got engaged on our 9 year anniversary.
Could we have got married around 20? Sure. Would it have worked out? Probably. It wasn’t that we weren’t sure of our relationship though. We decided not to get married that young because we wanted to focus on buidling our relationship, growing as individuals (college, travel, etc) and not having the pressure of marriage. We wanted to let our relationship grow naturally and get married when we felt the time was right. That time came about a year ago.
Did it take us longer to there? Yes. Do we feel any less secure in our decision or relationship? No. If anything we feel more secure, mature and prepared. We have made it through our early 20’s and have found that we could grow together. That doesn’t always happen for couples. A lot of developmental change occurs from 18-24 and it can be a rough transition for some couples. It can obviously work out, but unforutnaley some couples grow apart instead of together.
Now, I am by no means saying take ten years to get to marriage. That has worked really well for us, but there are obviously lots of couples who do not take as long. I am merely saying to take the time you both need to feel prepared for marriage.
We waited until we both finished college (and he finished his master’s) and we both had 3 years of a full-time career. We are far more stable, financially and emotionally than we were before, during and right after college. Now, we have an overwhelming sense of security and stability, that makes us feel more prepared for marriage than ever before. Will we have troubling times and life challenges ahead at some point? Sure, everyone does. But I wouldn’t trade anything for the stability we have created together.
My only advice would be not to rush anything (not saying you are). You have your whole life to live and if he is the one, then there should never be any reason to rush it. If you both are serious and committed in your relationship, then married or not you two will be there for each other. Committment, unconditional love, support and a lifetime of happiness can all happen before marriage comes into the picture. The more time you put into your relationship before marriage, the stronger it will be.
Post # 7
As another young (22 and married for a year and a half) married girl, people around here don’t get it. There is a lot of judgement but if people close to you, your family and friends who know you and your Fiance think its okay and you and your Fi are ready, a bunch of people on the internet dont matter.
We were both 20 when we got enaged and both just turned 21 when we got married. It isn’t easy, but we were ready and weren’t going to live together before we got married so it made sense to get married when we did. A lot of people thought we were crazy but then again, I think people who date and live together for years and don’t get married are crazy so we even out.
Post # 8
I’m engaged at 21, will be married at 22. Honestly, I dont understand the social stigma that says you shouldn’t get married young. Everyone is ready for marriage at their own pace, whether they at 19 or almost 30. Just because some couples are ready earlier in life doesnt mean that there is something wrong or that they are rushing their relationship…they are just ready earlier.
I personally changed more between the ages of 18 and 19 than I ever did between 19 and now. I still want the same things in life, I still balance friendships, I know who I am…maybe it happened faster for me because when I went to college, I moved completely out on my own. It really is different for everyone because everyone comes from different sets of circumstances and world views.
Post # 9
I realize you chose to be married before living together and decided to marry young. I personally wouldn’t marry someone before living together and chose not to marry younger. It’s different, neither is right or wrong.
In an effort to avoid judgement, let’s recognize the differences and leave it at that. I don’t call people crazy who marry young and I would appreciate the same courtesy to not be called crazy for living together for years before getting married. Let’s all be mature adults about it 🙂
Post # 10
My husband and I were young when we got married, 19 and 21. Most of our close friends and family were happy for us, and if they had any opinions otherwise they kept them to themselves.
I can understand the stigma on the one hand, where people think that younger folks aren’t as mature, shouldn’t be getting married, etc. On the other hand, however, there are some 30 year olds that are just as immature as 19-year-olds, and they’re getting married!
I guess I really don’t talk to strangers about my marital situation, and if they do ask, I just give a bare answer and leave it at that. It’s really no one else’s business if we wanted to get married young, and you shouldn’t feel that you have to explain it to others either!
Post # 11
- Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center
Just going to come out and say it – many Bee’s here, I have found, frown upon young couples. That’s just in my experience, not saying everyone does, but I doubt you’ll find a huge support group for young couples here. I myself am 21 and engaged, and so I understand where you’re coming from.
Some people don’t understand that marrying young doesn’t mean you’re giving up your life – you’re starting a new one! I don’t party, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t WANT to do those things. What I WANT is to go home to my Fiance (waiting til we get married to move into together of course) every night, have dinner together, spend some time talking about our day, then both get up the next morning to work our butts off so we can do it all over again. In the end what’s in your heart trumps any outside, negative opinions. Follow your heart and understand that while there are going to be conflicting views with your decision, you can still make that decision because you ARE an adult, you ARE free thinking, and you ARE just as much able to marry as any thirty-year-old.
Post # 12
@Skyee: I was also engaged at 19, Fiance was 21. We don’t feel young at all and noone makes any comments about it. But then everyone in our families got married at 21 and no one ever divorces (not an option in our families). I find for Christians it’s very normal to get married young, everyone at our Lutheran high school gets married 20-22. In my area its more of a stigma to get married after 23, it’s kinda like whats wrong with her she’s 23 and not married. We wanted to live together and start a family and get married was obviously the right thing to do. Make sense to us and everyone around us.
Post # 13
I am 20 and engaged, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and we have been living together for a little over 2. People may think we are too young, thats their opinion and they are most definitely entitiled to it. If you are happy and know this is what you truly want and whats right for you then great! you’re doing the right thing, keep it up 🙂 don’t let anyone get you down.
Post # 14
For some people, getting married young works; for other people, it doesn’t. I don’t see the issue, as long as everyone is being true to themselves and their partners, and giving their marriage the effort and respect it deserves. My parents got married young (21 and 23) and it worked beautifully for them – they will be married 40 years next year. For me, there’s no way I would have been ready for marriage at that age (I will be 31 when we get married in Oct) but I am now. Everyone is different.
Post # 15
It really depends on where you are in life. Make sure it is for the right reasons. One trend I see at church and in the area is couples getting married very young or after dating very briefly. A lot of it seems to involve the issue of sex. a lot of people feel that its better to get married quickly then to deal with the stress of being tempted.
Post # 16
My advice to you is make sure you have extreme faith in God, pray, be completed committed to one another, be able to somewhat financially support yourselves and please do not get married due to the temptation of sex and don’t get married because you like the idea of being married. I myself will be 21 when we are married and we’ve set a date in March 2014. We have been together for 6 years and have gotten to know one another very well. I can’t say saving ourselves for marriage has been easy but it is possible 🙂
Please don’t rush into things! Make sure it’s well thought out and pray, pray, pray! Also, I would recommend going to pre-marrital counselling 🙂 It was a very good experience for us even though we didn’t find it “helpful” because we have worked through our problems over the years, but the information was phenomenal which I believe would help any couple who still have issues (and prepare you for future issues that will arise) and have not been together for a long time.
All the best! God bless your relationship 🙂