Post # 1
I’m pretty new on here and sort of find it hard/funny that i’m on here sharing my story asking for advice. I run longdistanceplaylist.tumblr.com and I give out a whole lot of advice but i’m now in need of some myself. Well not exactly advice, just people to talk to in a similar situation I suppose?<br /><br />I’m 19 right now, and started dating my FI 2 weeks after my 14th birthday. (turning 20 in October) – so all up 5 years and 7 months with my FI. I’m from Australia and he’s from Canada. FI came and visited about 2.5 years ago for about 2 weeks and then November last year I went to Canada and spent 2.5 months living together. At that time, we were going to get married but I backed out because I felt like I was too young and in general it just wasnt a good time. The only thing now is for me to move permanently the best thing for me to do is have our papers signed in the court house. As im from aus, im able to go to Canada for 2 years on a working holiday visa. The spouse visa according to the current times available on the official immigration site says 18 months. The WHV can actually be extended though, allowing me to live there for 4 years which gives me an extra two years to just live with my fiance. I would then still have to spend about 1k a year on travel insurance and it just wouldn’t be great. I would rather have the PR status, than extend the WHV visa. <br />So in other words, getting married is the best thing to do for me to be able to permanetly stay with my FI. We’ve been talking about getting married from about 6 months into the relationship. We are on the same page with our expectations and the things we would ideally like out of our life. By the time I get to move i’ll be close to 21, and I know that 21 is still very young to be married. I would also tell someone my age that they are too young to be married. In this case though, I have reason for it. I feel like because I have had the advantage of dating my fiance for this long that I am not TOO far fetched in this. Well.. I hope i’m not atleast.<br /><br />Anyway, I don’t really know what i’m looking for out of this but anyone who can relate, please comment!
Post # 2
Desii: Hi! I think it’s really sweet that you have been together with your FI for 5 years now. Young love and LDR is a combination that I went through as well. But at an older age. I can completely understand the want to be together right away and seal the deal with marriage so you both can be together. In my opinion, I think you should ask yourself whether or not you are ready for marriage and being committed to one person for the rest of your life. Another factor is life and living expenses. Can you both support each other financially and can have a stable life together?
As you’ve said, “By the time I get to move i’ll be close to 21, and I know that 21 is still very young to be married. I would also tell someone my age that they are too young to be married. In this case though, I have reason for it.”
Although it is tempting to marry your FI right away for the sake of being together in one place, I don’t think this should be the reason to marry (although, clearly, this is not the only reason you want to marry him :)) Then again though, is this want you really want to do? I think going for the WHV would be best at this stage since you are still very young. It gives you more of a chance to spend more time with your FI before proceeding to marry. It also gives you a chance to see what life would be like over there since you are from a different country ultimately. On the other hand though, since you already already engaged to him, if I were you, and I felt ready and knew for sure that this was who I want to be for the rest of my life, I would go for it!
In my circumstance, although we know that we are going to be together in the future, we are waiting to earn some money and have a stable job so we are able to purchase a house together and support ourselves financially first before marrying but everyone is different 🙂
Post # 3
joko: I’m definetly ready to be commited to him for the rest of my life. No doubts about that at all. I really do want to marry him. When I left Canada after living with him for 2.5 months, I cried so hard. I was absloutely miserable and the sort of emotions I felt leaving him were unbelievable. I was also devestated when FI left after visiting me the first time. There’s just no way I could face living with him for 2 years and having to leave. It would break my heart entirely. <br /><br />Now the financial part is where things get shitty. I’ve just finished TAFE (like college) and am about to finish paying that off. Once i’ve paid that off I will have to start paying rent as I live with my parents. My field is in childcare, so the work itself isn’t sparce. The plan was for me to work basically for as long as I can here and bring over the money that i’ve made, over to Canada. Currently there’s no way we could afford living together financially. The FI only really makes enough money to be able to support himself. He’s going to be saving to help me move soon and is getting help finding work through a job agency. I will only ever move if I have enough money to support myself. Of course my FI can help but I just wouldn’t feel comfortable moving on the WHV without having the money to atleast support myself for a while incase I didn’t find work. <br /><br />We’d love to buy a house or something but for the time being, renting will have to do.
Post # 4
I do know one couple that had a similar situation and are still together. (they got married so that one of them could immigrate to Canada). But getting married so that one of you can live in the other’s country is not the best reason to get married.
I’m very concerned that you are making this decision and you haven’t been single since you were 14. You have no other “real” relationship experiences to compare this one to. You’ve been very commited to your BF, and you’ve been together a very long time- but if you don’t feel ready, nothing anyone is going to say is going to help you feel ready to make that leap. Being in a relationship day-to-day is very different from these “vacations” and “holidays” that you spend together now. There is a very different feel to being in a relationship day in and day out and taking vacations with or to visit your partner.
You say you cannot afford it at present, which means that you will have to wait for some time. I suggest you get the WHV and spend some time with your partner in the real world of day to day. You’ll get to spend some time with him, without having to make a commitment that you are not ready for.
Although high school sweethearts works for some people, for most of the women here on the bee, we’re very happy that we did not marry our high school boyfriends.
Post # 5
I agree with the previous poster. Being away from each other for long periods of time and only being able to, so far in your relationship, see each other on two (although long) occasions is different from being in the same place and spending more person to person time together. I have been tempted to be with my partner right away as well because I just missed him too much and couldn’t stand being away from him. It’s definitely hard being in an LDR. But like any other relationship, getting married when you’re not 100% ready may cause problems later on. For instance, wharif unexpected things pop up and you cannot afford it?
It’s great that you’re ready to make that big commitment now and well, you both are already engaged which is a big stage in and of itself. and I congratulate you both on that! 🙂 but in my opinion, although it might be a bit hard go have to go through it, I still would suggest to go on the WHV. Then, if anything, when things become more stable, you can then wed and it’s never too late (but can be too early if your situation isn’t stable) to get married later on 🙂
The decision is ultimately up to you but given the current plans, I would wait just a bit more. It’ll help you and your FI build a better future together before getting married. Good luck and keeps updated 🙂
Post # 6
Thanks for the advice everyone :)<br />I would love to wait to get married but I also didn’t mention that when I do move, my family intend cutting contact and I will not be welcome back home. I have a strict Greek family and whilst I would love to wait to get married in a few more years (4-5 years+). If I had to come back home, I would end up couch hopping until I could find a room to rent. Renting here is expensive and would take up about half or more whatever pay I’d be bringing in each week. The only other dating experience I had was with someone for 7 months, but I was still only 13 so it doesn’t exactly count I think and it was not a serious relationship what so ever. Granted, I’m really lucky the WHV can actually be extended. Originally we were planning on getting married basically straight away from whenever I move. So I can actually afford waiting a year on top of however long it’s going to be till I get to move. My guess is i’d be around 22? whenever that is. It still isn’t much time but it’s probably a LOT better than my age now. <br /><br />I totally agree with you both. I don’t want to get married if everything wasn’t stable. <br />All in all, I have about another 2 years of waiting till any of this starts to come in play. If I knew everything was going to be stable, then i’d feel like I was ready.
Post # 7
Desii: Almost mirrors my story apart from age difference. I met my FI online when I was 22 and never even dated before.We chatted for 7 month, then he came to visit me for 2 weeks. Then we were parted for 9 months. Then I went to visit him for 2 months and extended visa up to a year. At the end of year, yes we did sign the papers, got married at the magistate. Then we parted again for like 9 months. Then we reunited and are together forever happily everafter like 8 years down the line.
YES LDR do work, and NO you do not need other relationships to make sure he’s the one.I did not want to date someone who i was not close friends with. I wanted to wait for my price charming the knight in shining armour and he came.
I knew he’s the one – no onther couple I know shared and talked so much like we did -through our emails and chats – it was just online friendship with freedom to say what you feel and no need to pretend and imress that grew into love. My family adore himw. I get on with his family. We cant part even for day – a few hours is a tortue. Yes, we did it against what all that everyone advises. We’ve been together for 11 years. Like one day. i am so damn glad I gt me a legal status and freedom to be and travel with the love of my life instead of relying on visas.
Hope this helps 🙂
Post # 8
Desii: I’d be very cautious about cutting ties with the family though – you will need their support. It seems like it is a obstacle on the way to your dream, but trust me, having family that support you back home – is a lifesaver if you are moving to a foreign country( ive done that!)
Maybe you need time to communicate your feelings and dreams better to your family? Will they not support you if you two were married?
Post # 9
I don’t know much about long distance but 21 isn’t too young. I’ve been with my fiancé 3 years lived with him for 2 and engaged for one. We are getting married next year when we are both 21 just after our 4 year anniversary.
I say go for it.
Post # 10
Desii: Why does your family intend on cutting ties with you if you leave? Is it because he isn’t Greek, they think you’re too young, because moving so far is a radical move, or what? Just curious, that seems really harsh to me.
I say take the leap and move to Canada when you’re ready, and wait at least six months before getting married. Yes, 20/21 is young to get married, but it’s not at all unheard of for it to work out. In every marriage, it’s important to make sure you grow together, and I do think it’s harder to accomplish that when you’reyoung, simply because you have more growing to do. But not impossible. While you’re in Canada, do your best to form meaningful relationships with people other than your fiancé, and maintain the ones you have back home, so you’ll be able to figure something out if you do break up or divorce. If that happens, it will suck, but it won’t be the end of the world, and you won’t have to say “what if?”
Post # 11
AnnaVictoria: Thank you SO much for this. It really does help. I don’t want to cut ties with my family at all but they have warned me that once I leave they won’t be a support for me anymore. I don’t know if they’re just saying that or if they’re being 100% serious. It really could be their way of trying to make me stay. (In my perfect world) Perhaps they will eventually come around to being around for me later on. <br /><br />
ladyamalthea: They intend on cutting ties because of everything you just listed pretty much and including that they just don’t like my FI. With what you said about forming other meaningful relationships apart from my FI, i feel really lucky because I have 2 friends that live around Toronto and one in Edmonton. It isn’t really a lot but for now I think it’s a good starting point.