hello again bees! I just have an update, and of course, more questions 🙂
Just wanted to let you know that your advice really helped in making me feel content about not having a ring on my finger 🙂 If anything, the ring-less part of our engagement helped ME think about the more important parts of the engagement process (i.e. focus on our communication probs – huge because I’m a huuuuge talker and he’s the silent kind haha; conflict resolution skills – lacking at the moment but getting better; convergence of our future goals). BUT! It’s not all fun and la-di-da contentment for me because…THE RING IS HAUNTING ME! Just recently, really. Here’s the story:
He did a “practice” proposal with a random ring that was on sale in a reputable jewelry store but in an outlet mall (not an e-ring although it does have diamonds on it) that he impulsively got when we went across the border (almost 5 sizes too big, and the style totally does not suit my tiny fingers) BUT I still think it’s cute because it reminded him of pretzels and he knows I like pretzels, but I honestly just think he wants to give me a ring with the style he likes (nevermind that I’ve already told him I don’t care much for that particular style…haha.) He then proceeded to wait a whopping total of TWO days to give it to me in this scenario: He picked me up from work and drove to his house (his parents were away on vacation), and instantly told me that we needed to talk about this proposal thing. In his words, “We need to talk. Remember how we were talking about how this proposal thing goes?”. I didn’t mind it much until he went into his walk-in closet and came out with his hand in his pocket…In my mind I though, silly man, you just gave yourself away! (Part of my request was that he was to really try to surprise me, and I don’t get surprised easily cuz I think too much, tsk). And as I was showering he was downstairs fixing ourselves dinner and I came down to a candle-lit dinner with the glee soundtrack pumping in the background (haha). Now I know he couldn’t have my dream ring in there, so I just let the scenario unravel when I sat down to eat. He then did this narrative: Remember how you said you liked it when I made you dinner, especially when it involves mushroom and cheese?…Now, were you supposed to be sideways or in front of me when I’m supposed to propose? (Front, honey). Then, was I supposed to take your hand and go down in one knee like this? *proceeds to go down on his knee and took my hand* Then, what about if I took this ring *fumbles with the box cuz he was holding it the wrong way* and asked you, “Beb, will you marry me? *cue me looking at the ring and thinking eep, he will never learn…albeit being touched by the gesture* and going: Honey, you know I want to marry you, and it’s great that I get to be proposed to twice a year until we get married…*lots of xoxos at this point*…but for future reference, please don’t do anything huge after work because right now I’m a bit dazed and using only 1% of my brain – I’d like to be more awake for the real deal. Oh, and that ring is huge, we need to get it resized. And that you really need to ask my dad for his blessing before the actual proposal cuz he’s feeling all left out and I AM the only daughter and we need to respect him and my culture. And…etc. I know, horrible eh? But he took it all so graciously. He already knew I was gonna marry him anyway.
Anyhoo, the pros of that situation were that: 1) he was trying to be cunning and buying that ring behind my back; 2) he thought about how to propose to me and acted it out (it was huge for him to do that, believe me) BUT the cons were: 1) I’m wondering if I’m pressuring him so much cuz now he has in his head that he really wants to get me an e-ring and we have looked at rings in jewelry stores and I’m really particular on what I like (I know, I’m working on that) and 2) It got me back to wanting the “perfect” ring. To the point that I got into a really bad funk of discontentment and frustration because I really want to get my ring but he just cannot afford it. I even offered to buy my own diamond (gah now I wish I didn’t know so much about the specs) and he can contribute by getting it set and of course, proposing in a way that lets me know that he CAN show his feelings outwardly (because gosh darnit, I NEED this to keep me emotionally sane). So 1st question: Is it horrible that I offered to do that? I just don’t feel that I will be content until we chose the perfect diamond, value-wise. I set up the max budget for the diamond to be 3k-3500, and 4k for the whole thing. Which I can afford. I want to look down at my finger and be 100% content and not think about upgrading and more pressure from me in the future…essentially, close the book on the e-ring issue. Comments? Advice??
Last night we got the catalogues from that friend mentioned in the OP who we could get discounted rings from (their company supplies the mall jewelry stores). While the discount prospect is amazing, I quickly learned that we couldn’t choose the diamond itself – we had to pay a fee of 25 dollars just to get the appraisal done (I thought that came with the purchase of every diamond), and the catalogue didn’t even have the setting that I liked (by now, I’ve decided to be content on a similar but decidely less showy ring that I saw in a couple stores). Then we saw this enhanced black diamond ring on the last page, which I liked instantly, and then saw the price, which we both very much liked instantly. Question number 2: Should I just suck it up and let him get me this ring (he thinks it’s so very me, being quirky and different) when I’m undecided on how I feel about what a black diamond means for me (re: sex and the city 2’s moral of the story: you can cheat and as long as you confess it to hubby, you will be rewarded with a humongous black diamond ring because you are oh-so-different). I can get over that, sure. It IS a pretty ring, and I AM quirky (I’m quick to mention that my nanny accidentally broke a hanging clay pot using my head when I was an infant, much like a piñata, :p). It’s financially responsible at this point for us to get a gemstone ring rather than get me a second-rate white diamond ring I know I will fret about, despite the promise of getting “the” ring when he has the money for it. Again, I turn to the hive. Halp?