(Closed) Young Bride… vent (Kind of long)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this! I know JUST how you feel though! We ran into this problem as well. We are high school sweethearts, but well we were in our sophomore year of college by the time we got engaged. We waited until just now (graduated college) to actually get married. That wasn’t all because we wanted to wait though. His parents were freaks about it, but more importantly he has some health issues that we wouldn’t have been able to afford the insurance on so we had to wait until we graduated to actually tie the knot.

But anyway, my family has always been married in their teens as well! His side of the family is another story. They all went to college and his parents married when they were in their 30s. So when we decided to get married, there was a lot of “you’re too young!” “you’re moving too fast!” from his side. I couldn’t have wanted to slap so many people at the same time in my life! lol I just wanted to scream at them after awhile that it was none of their business, it was NOT their lives and that we would live the way we choose to live. Not to mention we had already been dating for 6 years by the time of the engagement. Unfortunately, we still get the “you guys move fast” comment every now and again – but people are just idiots because they fail to realize we have been together (over 7 years now) way longer than most couples are by the time they get married. 

Unfortunately, I think it is just one of those things that you’ll have to explain to people over and over again. That’s what I had to do, but of course if you’re more fiesty than I and want to tell them to just mind their own business then all the more power to ya ๐Ÿ™‚

I’m slowly making the transition from the Mrs./Mr. His mom made me call her that in high school, so now I just don’t call her anything. I don’t want to call her mom because I truly don’t want to so I’m sticking with first names and if she has issues she’ll just have to deal lol

Post # 4
1213 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I know how you feel, I’m 21 and the first of my friends and cousins to get engaged. We haven’t had a family wedding in a long time, so suddenly all my family and friends think its ok to stick their nose in and almost demand we do certain things! People are volunteering themselves to be bridesmaids (awkward seeing I don’t know if I’ll have anyone other than my sister and BFF) Suggesting venues, and menus, and I don’t even want to share my ideas because they shut them down!

I’ve decided I’m going to share as little detail as possible with my guests, I want them to be surprised by things like colours, decor, etc.

Post # 5
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorry to hear this is so stressful.  It sounds like you and your fiance have been very intelligent and thoughtful about the whole situation, and it sounds like the two of you are making good decisions for yourself.

It seems that often when it comes to times in life with big transitions, people feel that it’s within their right to add in their opinions and say hey this is how you should do it, and because we’re older and wiser you should be listening to us.  (Not always the most helpful, and probably not at all helpful in the way they’re intending to be).  I think there are certain cultural expectations about when people are expected to do things, and when there’s diversion from that, there’s a tendency to freak out and be concerned that you’re going to be straying from the “right” path.  Ultimately, I’d imagine that all those who are being so overly opinionated are doing their best to look out for what they perceive to be your best interest.  And that being said, it’s not their wedding, it’s yours.  So you and your fiance do what you think is best for the two of YOU, as it is your day, and you will be the ones with the strong attachments and memories to that day. 

Post # 6
581 posts
Busy bee

I’m so glad your father and your FI’s parents are so supportive.  It sounds like you know what you want and you just need to hold to those plans.  It’s okay to tell people “We already have a plan”  or “Thanks for your input, I’ll keep that in mind.”

I’m sure your wedding will be lovely.  Best wishes.

Post # 7
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Well, the good news is that I think that family trying to control your wedding is actually fairly normal, regardless of age ๐Ÿ™‚

I am very sorry that everyone is giving you so much grief over this though. Just because you are young doesn’t automatically mean that you haven’t thought this through, or your marriage will fail. It sounds like you and your Fiance have good heads on your shoulders, and at least you have some support. Try to take some comfort in the fact that even if you waited a few years, you would still have lots of rude people projecting their opinions onto you.

Best of luck!

Post # 8
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Sorry that you are going through this, planning is stressful enough.

But, the fact is that you are going to have to be a bit thicker-skinned if you are getting married young these days ๐Ÿ™‚  People are going to raise eyebrows and make comments when they learn you are getting married.  This won’t stop after the wedding.  This will probably only stop when you look “old enough” to be married.

The best advice I can give is to just brush these people off abd be confident in your decision.  But realize that, unfortunately, there will be things that are harder for you guys than for other married couples by virtue of your ages. 

As far as your grandmother being controlling about the wedding plans, that can happen at any age. ๐Ÿ™‚  Just be nice, but firm. 

The Mr. and Mrs. thing is tough.  I try to avoid calling my Future In-Laws anything.  I’d say either ask them what they’d like to be called or just start calling them mom and dad one day and see how it goes over. 

Good luck with everything!

Post # 9
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

  I wasn’t comfortable calling my Future In-Laws “mom” and “dad” either.  What I find has helped is calling them “mother (her first name).”  This made it much easier for me!  A friend of mine does the same thing, except she does “father (his last name).” 

  Dunno – won’t be for everyone, but you might try it out!  Sort of a transition if you want, or you might find (like me) that this works for you!

   Good luck dealing with everything!

ETA: When I write it out in english I realize that it doesn’t translate as smoothly! Kinda makes his dad sound like a priest. Anyway, it might work for the mother!

Post # 10
1046 posts
Bumble bee

I’m 22, live with my fiance completely independent of my parents and still have problems with control of my wedding. Its just part of getting married I guess (especially if someone else is footing the bill like my dad and step mom). I get the too young thing too even though I have already graduated college and everything which was the stipulation of my parents being behind our wedding…

Its easy to say to just let it roll of you shoulder but it sometimes just can’t be done. You can never imagine how much a good talk can do… Your elders will ALWAYS think they know best though!

Good luck… hope it gets better for ya.

Post # 11
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’m sorry you’re going through this! My Fi and I are both 21 and I’ll be 22 at the wedding. We are the oldest for a number of generations on both sides of our family to be married. Fortunately, everyone has been pretty supportive.
I think it’s important to not let your dad’s mom get you down. Try to stand your ground as much as possible while still being respectful. Explain that, since you want things to be more intimate it’s important to you to have the ceremony elsewhere and this also explains why you may not want to include all of your cousins in what is meant to be a smaller ceremony.

Also try to focus on the support you get from people. Share the fun news with them. I have learned that some people just aren’t ever going to get as excited about the details as you want them to be so I’ve just stopped telling them and focused on the people I know will be excited for us. I hope this helps and congrats! You sound like you’re both very in love!

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