(Closed) Young brides, did your SO ask your parents for their blessing/permission?

posted 7 years ago in 20 Something
  • poll: Did your SO ask for permission for marriage?

    Yes

    No

    Other

  • Post # 17
    Member
    576 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I was 22 and Fiance was 23 when he asked my Dad. We were at the horse races and he asked my Dad if he wanted to go down near the track to watch a race. My Mom and I stayed in the stands. They were down there for a long time.Fiance guess they had a long conversation about our relationship and the Fiance asked if he could marry me and my Dad said yes, and then he said “I can tell luckyshot really likes you” and then after a long pause added “possibly to the point of love”, lol. He knew very well that I loved Fiance, he’s just kind of awkward when talking about feelings and emotions. After Fiance asked my Dad neither of them were able to keep it a secret, from me, and in my Dad’s case also from the rest of my family. I had to tell my Grandma and some of my aunts before Fiance even proposed because my Dad was going out to visit and was going to spill the beans. Needless to say my proposal was not a surprise, but it was right for us.

     

    Did Fiance need to ask my Dad? No, we are both mature adults who’ve been on our own for years. But we are also both traditional people, and it was important to us to do things in the traditional way. My Dad was so happy Fiance asked him. He loves Fiance and that just put the icing on the cake as far as my Dad was concerned.

    Post # 18
    Member
    2639 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

    @bridetobee16:  Yes, he did. I was 22, he was 25. It was important to me that he talked to my dad, so he did… when they went to the shooting range! I guess Fiance asked him right after they were done shooting, and my dad figured, this guy is brave enough to ask me when I am fully armed… ok! Lol. But in reality, my dad really likes him, the timing was just hilarious. He asked about a month before he proposed.

    Post # 19
    Member
    11522 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I wasn’t a young bride. In fact, I was in my mid 40s, but my then-SO/now-DH called my dad and asked him for his blessing, because he wanted to marry me.  I hadn’t lived with my parents for more than 25 years.

    I loved it. 🙂

    Post # 20
    Member
    907 posts
    Busy bee

    @bridetobee16:  I’m not a young bride, 30. But yes he did ask, he knew I would want that. 🙂

    Post # 21
    Member
    1863 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Yes. I was 22, he was 26. He took my dad out for lunch (at a restaurant I used to work at) and then they met my mom afterwards cause my mom is my best friend and DH wanted to ask her as well. I had no idea (I was gone for the weekend) but loved that he did it!

    Post # 22
    Member
    3277 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @bridetobee16:  

    My parents are sexist and old fashioned, so they wouldn’t even acknowledge my engagement until my husband asked. I don’t like being forced to do anything and I don’t think my father can decide who I marry, but we didn’t have much of a choice.

    We sat down with my parents and my husband told my parents we were going to get married. Then he said: “Here’s the ring!” and showed them.

    I am a very independent person. I don’t like all the sexist nonsense around weddings. I didn’t even want my father “giving” me to my husband. Nobody “gives” me to anyone as I am not a cow or a pig. I could understand if I was the kind of girl who stayed home until she married her only boyfriend, but I am a woman who moved out at 21, had many lovers and did not marry until I was 28. Asking for Daddy’s hand is for innocent girls. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    135 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think I was 25 when I got engaged.  My SO did not ask for my parents’ permission or blessing.  My SO wasn’t interested in marrying my parents.  My parents didn’t own me.  I wasn’t theirs to give away to a prospective other owner.  I (and my parents, too, actually) would have been insulted had they been asked regarding my marriage before me.

    Fun story: this really angered/confused my Mother-In-Law, especially when I put it like that.

    Post # 24
    Member
    2949 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I was 24 and the then SO was 31 when he asked my father and mother separetely for their blessing. My parents are from the Philippines and it’s a very big sign of respect and I was so grateful that the SO was able to understand that. I know a number of Bees here think that it’s “infantilizing” or somehow denotes that my parents – particularly my father – “owns” me but we just saw it as a way of including our parents (yes I asked his parents for their blessing as well) on an important decision and acknowledging their importance in our respective lives thus far.

     

    He asked my father while watching rugbhy and he asked my mother over lunch. I think I was more nervous than he was lol.

     

     

     

    Post # 25
    Member
    1299 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    We were 26 and 27 when we got engaged, and my Fiance asked for my parents’ blessing.  It’s actually kind of a funny story and of course now I realize why he was asking all sort of weird questions.  We were going to Iceland right before when he planned to propose, and we wanted to drop off his car at my parents’ house because I live in an area that has street cleaning, so you can’t leave your car there for too long.  He was asking tons of questions about when we would see my parents, if they were driving us to the airport, etc.

    Well, two weeks before leaving for Iceland, I had a collapsed lung and ended up in the hospital. My Fiance and I are long distance, so as soon as I called to tell him what happened he got in his car to drive down.  I had to stay overnight, so when my parents started to leave to go home he insisted on walking them out.  I thought it was weird at the time, but figured he was just being polite or maybe wanted to discuss something about my medical condition without upsetting me. In the back of my mind I thought maybe he was discussing proposing, but I didn’t want to get excited over something that might not be happening.

    Of course after the proposal he admits that he was asking for their blessing and even showed them a picture of the ring on his phone.  Because we lied and said he was my husband at the hospital so he could stay in the room overnight with me, his exact words to my parents were, “So, about that husband thing…” and then explained that he was planning to propose soon.  He said my mom started crying because she was so happy.

    Post # 26
    Member
    1299 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    View original reply
    @PositiveThinking:  If it’s not important to you that your SO include your parents in the proposal, that’s fine, but please don’t use such insulting language.  I was 26 and my Fiance was 27 when we got engaged.  We’re both well educated, living on our own, and the furthest thing from sexist.  It was still important to me that my Fiance asked for my parents’ blessing.  It was not asking for “permission” or saying at all that my father owned me.  It was showing respect for the fact that he is joining a family. If this isn’t something you agree with, of course you are entitled to your opinion, but do not accuse people who do follow this tradition of being backward misogynists.

    Post # 28
    Member
    3277 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    View original reply
    @TGold:  

    I specifically speaking of my parents.

    I happen to know that they are very sexist, because I was raised very differently from my brothers. Refusing to acknowledge my engagement until my husband asked for my hand was an extension of their sexism. I’m sure that your parents didn’t FORCE your fiance to ask for your hand because you are their daughter. I hope that makes sense. 

    My experience has been that women who were less experienced and independent heavily involve their parents in the engagement process. This was obviously not the case for you, so who cares if I have that opinion? If you are confident in your decision, it shouldn’t matter what some random stranger on the internet says. 

    While I am sorry for any misunderstanding, I am free to use whatever language I choose. As long as nobody is directing insults at another Bee, we are all free to say what we want. Wink

     

    Post # 30
    Member
    1299 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    View original reply
    @PositiveThinking:  This is the language you used:

    I am a very independent person. I don’t like all the sexist nonsense around weddings. I didn’t even want my father “giving” me to my husband. Nobody “gives” me to anyone as I am not a cow or a pig. I could understand if I was the kind of girl who stayed home until she married her only boyfriend, but I am a woman who moved out at 21, had many lovers and did not marry until I was 28. Asking for Daddy’s hand is for innocent girls.


    So, you’re basically insulting every bee who posted saying that it was important to her, her Fiance, and/or her parents. Yes, you’re free to say it (although I think it is pushing the rules of the Bee), and I’m free to call you out for being rude.

    Post # 31
    Member
    1299 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    View original reply
    @bridetobee16:  Aw, thank you!  I am totally recovered from the collapsed lung.  It was caused by a trigger point injection, which is a procedure I get done for fibromyalgia.  We’re still long distance NYC and Boston, but I am moving up there this summer once my lease is up.  We are both so excited!  We’ve been together for 6 1/2 years, most of it long distance, and finally living together is a dream come true for us.

    The topic ‘Young brides, did your SO ask your parents for their blessing/permission?’ is closed to new replies.

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