(Closed) young brides… experience with disappointed mothers?

posted 8 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 17
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee

I am a mother of a bride ( so “older”).    I think the important thing to do is to sit down with your mother BEFORE you announce to the general public…maybe right after he asks dad, and explain to her your plan and feelings.  Ultimately I believe mothers just want their daughters to be happY and secure.   Explain to her how much it means to you to be together and that you have given this much thought.  give her a little time to process the information .

Post # 18
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@gpsp2B:  Good luck – and you’re right, this is about you and him, not your mother.  That’s something to keep in mind while planning, too 😉

Post # 19
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@gpsp2B:  Hi! They don’t particularly like young bees around here… I’m 19, although I turn 20 a month before the wedding, and Fiance is 23 and turns 24 two months after the wedding. We celebrate an official 4 years next month, and honestly, I think the amount of time we’ve been together has changed the way people view our short (6 month) engagement. Also possibly the fact that we live in Texas, where young brides are not so uncommon. Both of our parents saw it coming, and his parents were like “what’s taking so long?!” as he is the last sibling of five to be married. My parents knew we had wanted this for a long time, and to begin with, my father wanted to put a time restriction on when we could get married and to that i said (paraphrased), “uh dad, i love you, but you can’t tell me what to do forever. I’m 19 so legally I could get married right now without your consent but I love and respect you enough not to do that, please show love and respect towards me, too.” and he prayed about it a long time and finally let us choose our own wedding date. now he is very excited and supportive of our wedding choices. he totally welled up when i showed him my dress. (precious…) Just give your mom time to get used to the idea, and eventually she will be too excited not to help you be a bride, young or not. 🙂

Post # 20
Member
3354 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

“however my mom has this idea i need to graduate and be stable in a career and such, and although I respect her advice, I disagree.”

Really? Why? That’s pretty sound advice.

Post # 21
Member
4605 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I am 22 (almost 23) and FH is 23. We were 20 and 21 when we got engaged. My mom was not thrilled at all. She told me she hoped it was a joke when she found out. She chose to just ignore that I was engaged and for a long time I think she hoped that it would fall apart. It took time. FH and I have had a long engagement, a little over three years by the time we get married. It wasn’t our choice, but it’s given my mom a long time to come around and warm up to the idea that her only daughter is getting married. 

If your mother does give you a hard time, you can’t let her get you down. I missed out on so many positive emotions because I was constantly upset about my mom’s reaction. After I realized I was getting married either way, it got easier. Being positive is the most important. I think that she may need to know that you’re going to have a longer engagement and that you and your SO’s plans for finishing school will not be forgotten just because you want to get married. My mom was very worried that I wouldn’t finish school, but I’ll be done by the time we get married and FH will be finished shortly after. 

My mom went from ignoring my engagement to offering to pay for the wedding. I hope that you don’t have any trouble from her but if you do, feel free to message me about anything. I spent the majority (as in 2 years) of my engagement with my mom being unhappy. 

Post # 22
Member
1024 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

i’ll be 23 and he will be 26 when we get married. i’m also from mn. my parents got married right around 23 and we have a ton of married friends. our parents are so happy for us. we will have been together for 5 years when we get married, so that’s another factor.

good luck talking to your mom!

Post # 23
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@gpsp2B:  Hey! I’m the same age as you and my SO is the same age as your SO and we have now lived together for nearly six months and have been together for little more than a year.

I knew very soon he was the right one for me, I also knew we would have to get married pretty soon due to visa reasons (I’m european and he’s from the states).

To be totally honest if I had the luxury to wait I would.

I’m pretty sure my mother will be pretty dissapointed and mortified about my engagement. Everyone in my family gets married in their very late twenties/early thirties and althought no one has ever actually said that i know they think that getting married young is just “innapropriate”.

Basically there is not much you can do other than maybe break the news to her in private.

If I can give you a small piece of advice I’d finish school first. Maybe that would make her feel better about your choice. 

Post # 25
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@strawbs:  good question!

Post # 27
Member
10355 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t think there’s an easy way to break this to your mother. Since you can’t control her reaction, it will be what it will be, and you’ll have to be able to face that as an adult if marriage is something you want right now.

If you were my daughter, i’d feel the same way as her. It sounds as though you are choosing marriage and moving over finishing college – did I read that correctly? If so, you definitely need to reevaluate priorities. You have the rest of your life to be married.

Post # 30
Member
83 posts
Worker bee

@gpsp2B:  Congrats! I JUST went through what you’re about to go through. I’m 21 and my Fiance is 26. I was so excited when he proposed on Christmas eve but my heart dropped when I realized that my mom might not be so excited. Do you have any older siblings you can talk to?  My sister is 8 years older than me and I called her first. It was such a relief because she was genuinely excited for me and gave me the motivation to tell my mom. Ultimately, I told hher, ‘Mrkprek proposed and I said yes. I’m so excited.’ It took her a minute but she reacted positively and never once mentioned my age. So, I know you’re nervous but when you start the conversation, I recommend being overly happy so to make it clear to everyone that you’re sure you made a great decision.

Good luck 🙂 

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