Post # 17
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
I am a mother of a bride ( so “older”). I think the important thing to do is to sit down with your mother BEFORE you announce to the general public…maybe right after he asks dad, and explain to her your plan and feelings. Ultimately I believe mothers just want their daughters to be happY and secure. Explain to her how much it means to you to be together and that you have given this much thought. give her a little time to process the information .
Post # 18
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
@gpsp2B: Good luck – and you’re right, this is about you and him, not your mother. That’s something to keep in mind while planning, too 😉
Post # 19
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
@gpsp2B: Hi! They don’t particularly like young bees around here… I’m 19, although I turn 20 a month before the wedding, and Fiance is 23 and turns 24 two months after the wedding. We celebrate an official 4 years next month, and honestly, I think the amount of time we’ve been together has changed the way people view our short (6 month) engagement. Also possibly the fact that we live in Texas, where young brides are not so uncommon. Both of our parents saw it coming, and his parents were like “what’s taking so long?!” as he is the last sibling of five to be married. My parents knew we had wanted this for a long time, and to begin with, my father wanted to put a time restriction on when we could get married and to that i said (paraphrased), “uh dad, i love you, but you can’t tell me what to do forever. I’m 19 so legally I could get married right now without your consent but I love and respect you enough not to do that, please show love and respect towards me, too.” and he prayed about it a long time and finally let us choose our own wedding date. now he is very excited and supportive of our wedding choices. he totally welled up when i showed him my dress. (precious…) Just give your mom time to get used to the idea, and eventually she will be too excited not to help you be a bride, young or not. 🙂
Post # 20
Member
3354 posts
Sugar bee
“however my mom has this idea i need to graduate and be stable in a career and such, and although I respect her advice, I disagree.”
Really? Why? That’s pretty sound advice.
Post # 21
Member
4605 posts
Honey bee
I am 22 (almost 23) and FH is 23. We were 20 and 21 when we got engaged. My mom was not thrilled at all. She told me she hoped it was a joke when she found out. She chose to just ignore that I was engaged and for a long time I think she hoped that it would fall apart. It took time. FH and I have had a long engagement, a little over three years by the time we get married. It wasn’t our choice, but it’s given my mom a long time to come around and warm up to the idea that her only daughter is getting married.
If your mother does give you a hard time, you can’t let her get you down. I missed out on so many positive emotions because I was constantly upset about my mom’s reaction. After I realized I was getting married either way, it got easier. Being positive is the most important. I think that she may need to know that you’re going to have a longer engagement and that you and your SO’s plans for finishing school will not be forgotten just because you want to get married. My mom was very worried that I wouldn’t finish school, but I’ll be done by the time we get married and FH will be finished shortly after.
My mom went from ignoring my engagement to offering to pay for the wedding. I hope that you don’t have any trouble from her but if you do, feel free to message me about anything. I spent the majority (as in 2 years) of my engagement with my mom being unhappy.
Post # 22
Member
1024 posts
Bumble bee
i’ll be 23 and he will be 26 when we get married. i’m also from mn. my parents got married right around 23 and we have a ton of married friends. our parents are so happy for us. we will have been together for 5 years when we get married, so that’s another factor.
good luck talking to your mom!
Post # 23
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
@gpsp2B: Hey! I’m the same age as you and my SO is the same age as your SO and we have now lived together for nearly six months and have been together for little more than a year.
I knew very soon he was the right one for me, I also knew we would have to get married pretty soon due to visa reasons (I’m european and he’s from the states).
To be totally honest if I had the luxury to wait I would.
I’m pretty sure my mother will be pretty dissapointed and mortified about my engagement. Everyone in my family gets married in their very late twenties/early thirties and althought no one has ever actually said that i know they think that getting married young is just “innapropriate”.
Basically there is not much you can do other than maybe break the news to her in private.
If I can give you a small piece of advice I’d finish school first. Maybe that would make her feel better about your choice.
Post # 24
Member
1178 posts
Bumble bee
@stoich thanks i appreciate help from a mother ! I really want to tell her after we are actually engaged…. I think that she will take it more serioiusly that way. But we definitely will tell our family before everyone else.. and we plan to do it right after we get engaged… its hard having my wedding plans starting and not being able to blab about it! haha.
@katiecolorado … oh yes thats another thing my BF and I promised… this wedding is about US. Granted you do some things to accomodate guests like provide a shuttle for drinkers and such.. but I will not allow my family to choose how I do my wedding. Luckyily, neither my mother or Future Mother-In-Law is that crazy… my Future Mother-In-Law will be great help for the wedding.. she will be honest with me but not forceful. well…. lol she can be but. im not worried about it because she did too much to please everyone but herself, and she is making sure we dont do that. i love her shes great.
@ohcaptainmycaptain thanks for your help! I honestly think my mom will say its ” too soon ” but i think she will get over it. I try to tell her all the time about how great Garrett is and how happy he makes me. My dad knows its coming I think… His gf has been telling me he drops everything when I call and just turns to moosh like everything revolves around me. I live with him for a year before I moved in with my BF and I think its really hitting him how I’m growing up. He’s met him many times too and they get along great… His old fashion open the door and old fashion habits how he was raised really stand out and my dad appreciates that a lot. i cannot wait for all the planning. I dont have many girlfriends getting married! i think one will be… she just had a baby. But i have some great BM’s already choosen and my long time best friend will bend over backwards to help me :] bet wishes in your short planning! I’ll be miserable having everything planned like 8 months out… hahaha.
Post # 26
Member
1178 posts
Bumble bee
@lauraashley09 hey fellow MINNESOTAN! crazy haha. congrats and best wishes !!
@walnutgirl thanks for your advice. good to know im not alone
@southerngirl I’m sorry you had to wait so long because of that! I can’t imagine… I guess I know our wedding wont get pushed out since we already booked the date! I can only hope she will be supportive… I have learned not to let her disagreement get to me anymore. We are very different in our morals and values. We are very head strong I think and living together we fought a lotttttt. It’s gotten better in the two and a half years since ive been gone… but we still have our disagreements. I hope that when I explain to her what this means to me and what an important day this is that she will be happy and support me… and wish the best. i want my two brothers who will be young still to be the ring barrer’s together because we have no young little girls in our lives for a flowergirl and i cant just choose one brother! best of luck and congrats!
Post # 27
Member
10355 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I don’t think there’s an easy way to break this to your mother. Since you can’t control her reaction, it will be what it will be, and you’ll have to be able to face that as an adult if marriage is something you want right now.
If you were my daughter, i’d feel the same way as her. It sounds as though you are choosing marriage and moving over finishing college – did I read that correctly? If so, you definitely need to reevaluate priorities. You have the rest of your life to be married.
Post # 28
Member
1178 posts
Bumble bee
I do not wish to wait until i have a “stable career” because I’m in a good paying job right now and we are more then financially stable. I dont wish to wait til my late twenties because we want 2-3 kids… that takes time and I prefer to be done around 33 before I get close to 35 when it becomes more dangerous… and I want time to enjoy our married life and newly weds and as a married couple before I have kids. so getting married at that age, to me, would feel like we have to jump into the next stage of having kids… I want to have a few years to enjoy my husband and for us to settle in to life. I also know that I have enough sense and responsibility to finish school and have a career because I have goals in life…. I don’t believe that being married and having a loving and supporting husband is going to make me fail in school. I’m marrying a guy who wants to be someone and make a life for himself and have a family, not someone living of momma and daddy’s money and working part time to party.
again, not the advice i’m asking for. but thanks.
Post # 29
Member
1178 posts
Bumble bee
@crayfish yes you are wrong…. what is wrong with you people that you think getting married makes you drop out of college? I’m not getting married to pop out kids for christ sake. I’m not moving and getting married so I can drop out of college.. I’m getting married because I know that I have the person I want to spend the rest of my life with right next to me, because we have chosen to make that next step in life. I’m currently finishing my generals and starting my program in the fall. I will have a year left when we get married, technically a semester and 6 months of internship. My FH will be graduated. I dont know what kind of person you married or are marrying, but the one I’m marrying supports my dreams. He supports my schooling. If I dropped out of college and just did nothing, I would no longer be the person he wants to marry and therefore I would probably lose my marriage. I dont know WHAT THE HECK you other women think connects marriage to dropping out of college other then people get married and pop out kids, I’m not popping out kids. I want to enjoy a few years of marriage first. wow.
Post # 30
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
@gpsp2B: Congrats! I JUST went through what you’re about to go through. I’m 21 and my Fiance is 26. I was so excited when he proposed on Christmas eve but my heart dropped when I realized that my mom might not be so excited. Do you have any older siblings you can talk to? My sister is 8 years older than me and I called her first. It was such a relief because she was genuinely excited for me and gave me the motivation to tell my mom. Ultimately, I told hher, ‘Mrkprek proposed and I said yes. I’m so excited.’ It took her a minute but she reacted positively and never once mentioned my age. So, I know you’re nervous but when you start the conversation, I recommend being overly happy so to make it clear to everyone that you’re sure you made a great decision.
Good luck 🙂
Post # 31
Member
1178 posts
Bumble bee
@MissKPreK thanks! it’s nice to hear encouraging and supportive words! I am MORE then extatic especially because like I said I can’t blab yet only my very best friend knows we set the date. I can’t wait to tell his mom and my dad will already know but he will act suprised I’m sure haha. I’m really hoping for the best with my mom. i’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. I’m hoping with the ring and my hunny by my side she will see we are sincere. He wont hesitate to chime in because he hates that she isn’t always supportive for me. It’s not neccessarily that shes always unsupportive but she always has to chime in.. she can’t just listen and observe.. she has to advise. I love her to death and I think she will see that! thanks again!!