It’s 4:40am, and I’m at work, so excuse any statements that don’t make sense or if I sound crabby. It’s not you, I promise.
I’m speaking to you as someone who got engaged at 20, well 19 but my birthday was 3 days later. I’m also speaking to you as someone whom is getting married while in school.
On the positive – it’s completely doable. My Fiance and I live and pay our way through things ourselves and are successfully working and in school. Marriage won’t change the lifestyle we’ve already established. I know several people who are also married/getting married while in college – some are traditional students in the 19-22 year old range. But, there are also non-traditionals that are just getting around to school or doing a career switch. People make it work.
You probably aren’t going to have an extravagant lifestyle immediately – and that’s okay.
Now, if my mother was upset, disappointed, saddened by my engagement I’d have a hard time marrying my Fiance. A lot of times people can sense that something isn’t right – something you may be oblivious to.
I hear of bee’s on here all the time saying that they should have listened to their families/friends/ect telling them to wait or not go through with it. With such obvious negative feelings about your impending nuptials, I would wait. Why not wait that one extra year if you makes your families happy for you? Do you really want to spend one of the most important day in you and your FI’s lives with the fact hanging over you that your families, the people who are most important to you, aren’t happy for you?
The fact is, no one goes into marriage thinking it will fail. However, statistically the odds are stacked against young brides like us. The strain and tension this decision you two make may cost you your relationship with one another.
Married at 21 surrounded by love and support and married at 21 surrounded with disappointment are two very different realities.
Also, this might be my crabbiness talking, but your defensive attitude in your posts don’t really translate to maturity. Love isn’t the only factor into being married. It will not sustain a marriage. Both parties, at minimum, need to be mature going into. Maturity comes at 20 for some, 30 for others. Based on my observation, you may not have reached emotional maturity yet. All caps and defensive strategies don’t really scream maturity to me, and perhaps that’s what your mother sees.
Lastly, I want you to explore some possibilites. You say you aren’t out to pop out children and you made a point that you hold a job. What if you get pregnant? How does that fit into your school plans? Or, what if one, or both, of you lose a job? How will you afford school, living costs, ect? What will you guys do if you can’t find jobs once you move?
You may have a perfect timeline and idea of what life will be for you two, but these scenarios are very real possibilites. Work is hard to come by – especially health care jobs despite the schools advertising otherwise (Cardio Tech, right?). You may have school debt to pay off with no job. We all have a vision of what we want life to be, but it doesn’t happen.
Take what you want out of what I said.