Post # 1
I suppose I would be considered a young bride. I will be turning 23 in September and my wedding is in May. My bridesmaids range in age from 17 (my little sister) to 23. This is the first time any of them will be part of a wedding party and I don’t think they know what to do/what is expected of them. I know that is is partially my fault since I haven’t really asked much of them yet since the wedding is about a year away but I’m afraid that when I do ask I will come across as demanding?? I bought the bridesmaid dresses (60$) and I can’t even bring myself to ask them for the money because I know most of them either a)don’t work bc they are in school or b) don’t have the money. I have a horrible feeling my mom and I will be the ones stuck with all the work….lots of DIY projects in the future. Should I just let it go or confront them?
Post # 3
I can sympathize – by Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister (18) and my Bridesmaid or Best Man is my cousin (almost 16). I am expecting them to basically help set things up the day before and just show up on time to the wedding. With BM’s, the amount of expected involvement really depends on what you request and what they are able to do. If you have DIY projects, can you invite all the girls over and make it a fun evening – get some take out food and work on a specific project?
Post # 4
I don’t think you have to do either. I think you should be able to have a calm conversation that lets them know the kind of things you’d like for them to do. If you’re worried about asking them to pay for things a good way around it – if you’re open to it – is to let them choose their own things, for example, letting them choose and buy their own jewellery or at least have a say in where their money is going. You’ve paid for their dresses so that in itself is a big plus for them. If this is the first wedding they’ve been in it’s natural that they might not now what is usually expected of a Bridesmaid or Best Man and these expectations change depending on the bride/wedding etc. Perhaps you can pitch the DIY stuff in a positive way (girlie night with great food and chats over some DIY projects!) – I’ve always found these things really fun and most girls are really happy to help out with this kind of thing. My BM’s are falling all over themselves to help out (very lucky!!!!). Just have a nice chat with them and see how it goes. Don’t feel bad for asking for a bit of help – that’s WHY we have BM’s in the first place!
Post # 5
I don’t see why you can’t just ask if they’d like to be more involved in the wedding. 17 is by no means too young to understand that being a bridesmaid often carries little duties. I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man at 18, and so I bought my dress when I was 17. I may not have done everything absolutely perfectly, but mostly that was because the bride didn’t specifically ask for help on anything. I think I offered once, and felt like I’d be intruding for anything else. I think at that age, there’s often still an insecurity with putting yourself out there. I had never planned a wedding or been a bride, so I had no idea that help is almost always needed/appreciated. I would have loved to have been asked if I wanted to be more involved.
Post # 6
I’m 22 and currently a bridesmaid. I’m having issues paying for everything and booking time off because I’m also a student and saving for my own wedding, however, if the dress only cost $60 then they shouldn’t have a problem paying for it. I’m sure over the months they spend wayyy more than $60 on numerous other things and even if they only gave u $20 each a month (5 a week which I’m sure they spend on coffee) to pay it back they should absolutely be able to do that.
As for DIY stuff, they should be able to help too. If you do it during the summer then most of them should be out of school and have more time to help. I might not expect them to be able to afford to throw you a huge bachelorette party or shower, but I’m sure they would be more than willing to help plan and execute the things that you need. You just need to ask or they might not know that you need help. Good luck! 🙂