- 5 years ago
Hi All 🙂
This is my first ever post on wedding bee but I am an avid reader!!
I wanted to create a post about young engagement/marriage as there are some points I have seen written that I really wanted to comment on.
First to tell you my situation, my boyfriend and I met in school and started going out when we were sixteen – I was nearly seventeen (I am seven months older).
We both moved away to a different city to go to University/college and I ended up leaving because I really didn’t feel the course was right for me. He stayed for his course so we have had a long distance relationship for the year, which has sucked, but made us stronger.
I re applied and got re accepted to a totally different course which I picked purely for me (not the wrong reasons) and can’t wait. We have a deposit down on a flat and are moving in together in September, also getting engaged when we move in. I am currently working full time.
His parents are divorced, mine are together but have a sometimes volatile relationship. Surprisingly for me, the only person I felt I could speak to about getting engaged was my dad and he said he is fine with it it would be wrong of him to tell us our feelings were wrong! If my mum finds out I told my dad though she will say I manipulated him and liketo stir her marriage – I love her to bits but she can be horrible.
Here are the points I disagree with personally and why:
You need to go out and live before you get engaged:
You don’t die when you get married, or you shouldn’t feel like you have. Marriage is a partnership and joining of people. It brings changes with it, but should not delete who you are as a person. People associate marriage with losing identity, it shouldn’t be that way.
You need to date more, how do you know they are the one?:
I (sorry if this is too much info) but I was abused when I was younger. When I was eight I was abused by a group of guys and when I was fourteen I entered an abusive relationship. The guy I am with now has shown nothing but kindness and love, respect, patience and willing. I know from my past that age doesn’t come into how good or bad you are.
Also, I lost my virginity with this guy and am so thankful. I am not religious but I believe it is something precious. I think to say you can’t know you will be able to sleep with that person for your whole life is degrading to marriage.
You need to be financially secure and stable in a career:
I know more than anyone from both mine and his families careers can damn near ruin a relationship. Too much focus on career leads to not enough focus on family. Me and My OH have promised to always prioritise each other and any kids over work to avoid all the heart break we have seen and been involved in.
We have been through many changes together already and even though we may have changed as people we still have all the love in the world for each other. I think if you want the same things out of life, agree on fundamental things and love each other then you will be fine.
Still scared for both of our mother’s reactions though!