(Closed) Young mum regret?

posted 5 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
312 posts
Helper bee

If you feel like you are done going places and seeing things that you have always wanted to see/do, then go for it. I waited until 31 and I am so happy I had my 20s to experience everything! I am the type who is pretty independent and I like doing my own thing though…sometimes even at 32 now it is a struggle to be completely devoted to someone else and at their beckoned call. I love my son more than anything but there are definitely days that I wish I could just go out/do something for myself.

Post # 3
Member
12 posts
Newbee

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sequinlove:  I think it depends if you both are ready to make the necessary sacrfices to raise a child. Not just financial sacrifices, but emotional, social and physical. It means arranging your lives in a way that accomodates a child. Of course, no matter when you have a child, at any age, these sacrfices are necessary. It just depends if you feel ready to do it now or would prefer to wait. Neither decision is right or wrong, it just preference and preparedness.

I think some people get caught up in the warm fuzzy feelings of babies/parenthood, but do not think through the real impact and logical implications. Of course, raising children is an emotional and logical decision, but being prepared and ready will help you adjust to parenthood tremendously.

The only friends I know who “regret” having children younger are the ones who were very financially and emotionally unprepared. That was likely partly due to age and maturity though.

 

Post # 4
Member
7351 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I guess it depends on the person and what you have done already and feel like you still want to do. There is no question that things like travel are far easier when you are not caring for an infant. It is also far easier to save money when you don’t have a child, so if you are saving for something significant you might want to postpone. The early years you are married, before you have children, can be some of the best. There is nothing holding you back from going out to dinner, picking up and going away for the weekend, travelling, seeing a movie, etc. Life with a child, while it can be equally wonderful, is often far less spontaneous.

I didn’t have a child until I was almost 30, and I don’t regret waiting at all. Life changes forever once you have a child, and there’s no going back. It is better to wait a little longer than to rush into anything, especially if you are mourning the loss of the pregnancy you thought you had. It is likely your emotions are running high right now (and understandably so) and you are feeling more fragile. I wouldn’t make any decisions until you have completely healed from this experience. 

Post # 5
Member
2664 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

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sequinlove:  I’m a little confused… what is an unplanned chemcial pregnancy? 

Post # 6
Member
2639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

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mrspinesol:  they had an unplanned pregnancy with an extremely early miscarriage 

Post # 7
Member
2639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

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sequinlove:  OP, I’m 24 and we’ve been feeling similarly from time to time. But we still have so many things on our “baby bucket list” that we are going to wait, at least for another year or two. I’ve heard plenty of people who have kids say it’s better to wait and do the fun stuff rather than start before you’re 100%. I have yet to hear anyone truly regret not having kids sooner than they did. 

Post # 8
Member
2596 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I became a mom at 21 and had the same fears that I would be missing out on so much but in fact it’s been quite the opposite. All the things I’m “missing out on” are stupid imo anyway ie. getting drunk, partying, being irresponsible. I feel like by the time l’ll want to go travel and see then world and do all the things I want to do in life, I will be the most financially stable as I’ll ever be and my child will be grown. It’s the best of both worlds! 

If you feel like you are truly ready to have baby then I say go for it! However I think you should really do some soul searching and think about whether you are wanting this because you are grieving or because you really have had a change of heart on your timeline. 

Hugs OP xx

Post # 11
Member
12 posts
Newbee

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sequinlove:  

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Peaceoutboyscout:  

Just a note, I am not against young mothers at all (my mother had me at 19), but there are so many other productive things you can do in your early and mid-20’s other than drinking and partying. I was never into that, but I was getting a college degree, traveling, building a career, stregthening my relationship with my now husband and figuring out who I am as a person. Now, in my late 20’s, I am still doing a lot of those things, but I am feeling more ready to have a child.

Like I said before, nothing against having children young. Do it when you feel the time is right, but your early 20’s are not just for partying or getting drunk…and ust because you are over that scene doesn’t mean you should just jump right to baby making because you think that’s the next logical step (not saying that you are). There are so many things you can do to figure out yourself as an individual and as a couple in your 20’s that will help build and strengthen your relationship prior to having a child.

Also realize, in your 20’s you are the most likely to be healthy. Waiting until after your children are grown (even if you have them young) does not gaurantee you will be able to travel or do lot of things. My mother, unfortunately, has started to have some serious health issues in her mid-to-late 40’s and she was 19 when she had me. She has more money now, but doesn’t always have the energy or stamina to do adventurous things. Just something to consider.

Post # 12
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

My in-laws had children young (early 20s) and while it was tough they made it work and they are fantastic parents/grandparents. They were comfortable but other than a few family vacations they couldn’t really afford to do anything extravagant.

While they may not have done everything they wanted to do before they had children they sure are doing it now! They travel the world, they’re retired, well off and very happy. My Mother-In-Law was able to start her hobby of making jewelry which she’s really good at and my Father-In-Law got into carpentry!

I feel like there will always be opportunities later in life to partake in doing things you feel you may have missed out on. Your children won’t always be latched on to you; they do grow up! Plus, life doesn’t stop when you have kids. You’re just partaking in a new chapter with new adventures and expectations. 

Post # 14
Member
12 posts
Newbee

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sequinlove:  Absoultely, you want to have children when you are healthier, but let’s be honest…for most people, they are still quite healthy with lots of energy in their late 20’s if you are talking about that in comparison to their early 20’s. ๐Ÿ™‚

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