(Closed) Young women should spend more time searching for husbands than planning careers

posted 6 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 17
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@TwoStatesBride:  That made it gag a little bit. Just… no.

ETA: I married young and think it is amazing. I would highly recommend marrying young, provided the maturity and finances are there. I like the idea of marriage being the cornerstone on which you build your career, not the capstone. HOWEVER how degrading is it to state that a woman’s sole purpose is to a) catch a man and b) make babies? Competing against younger and ‘less challenging’ women — are you serious? Drive women to dumb down and settle for whoever they can ‘snatch up’ quickly out of FEAR? Gag.

Post # 18
Member
2890 posts
Sugar bee

@Aqualov:  + 1000.

Well-educated men definitely don’t look for airheads, at least not those I know. o_O Their girlfriends/wives are generally equally educated if not more. Also, why does it matter that much, as long as both partners are into a work field they enjoyed and where they feel accomplished ? This should be the main criteria when ”husband hunting”. 

Post # 19
Member
5659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I only read the first paragraph. Gag me

Post # 20
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Yeah…bc getting married young  worked out so well for me *handwank*.

I do agree with the advice about not wasting your time dating the wrong people.  That’s about it. 

Post # 21
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Lone Star:  Wow, you pretty much took the words out of my mouth.

This author/troll does make some good points – they are just wrapped in hideous wrapping paper. From being too available in college (Read “Female Chauvinist Pigs” if you don’t believe sleeping around in college comes with zero consequences that can actually bite you not liberate you…) to moving in together WITHOUT AN HONEST DISCUSSION OF THE FUTURE to spending their 20s dating/being too available for really shitty men, women are sabotaging their own dating efforts.

Let’s also not forget the fact that a lot of women forget location, location, location and try to “find love” in places where the odds are against them. NYC – I’m looking at you. I actually went out to a girls’ night out at a famous magazine’s office in NYC, and pretty much every girl/woman there was in her late 20s and they were all single. They were all talking about what a hard time they had dating b/c they felt their prospects were always looking out for the “next best thing.” The one girl who was in a relationship with her bf was waiting for a ring for… seven years. I was actually really depressed when I left that event. :/

And yes, a lot of women hate it, but “He’s Just Not That Into You” really helped me and prevented me from wasting any more time. I was lucky to meet my Darling Husband at 28 and got married at 30. It wasn’t an easy path to get there though – my 20s were rocky.

Post # 22
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee

Try giving “Orchids on your budget” a go – it’s from 1937 by Marjorie Hillis – a Vouge editor, a 1930’s depression survivor and a woman who writes chapters entitled “can you afford a husband?”. It’s a brilliant and very funny read and taken with a grain of salt quite a few of her principles might be useful even today (especially things like: “Can you afford a husband? Well, can you? A lot of women do, and support them nicely on a small salary at that. And why not, if they want to? It may be an aextravagance, but even periods of strict economy should include some extravagances if possible….”

Post # 23
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

OMG OUR EXPIRATION DATE IS COMING UP! AT THIRTY WE WILL ALL TURN INTO UNMARRIAGEABLE OLD HAGS!!!!!!!!!!!

I sure am glad that I got engaged to Fiance six months after my 29th birthday. Maybe I should write something into my vows about how he saved me from a life of miserable spinsterhood and British television. I am so glad I learned the error of my foolish, ladder-climbing ways just in time. Now my life will have happiness and meaning!

ETA: After a second reading, and acknowledging how insulting this is to women, I honestly think it’s more insulting to men…

Post # 24
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

She probably wrote that as an easy way to get people talking about her article. That’s how I feel about anyone who writes such inflammatory drivel. 

Post # 25
Member
727 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@jdhall89:   exactly!

I read it thinking that I might find something I agre with. I didn’t. I consider myself a pretty progressive yet conservative woman. I will turn 30 next month and have been married for 4 months. I will have my doctorate within a year, have plenty of savings and investments, and am “going places.” But I have always thought that finding the right man to spend my life with and have children is also important.

I think there are valid points that COULD HAVE been made in this article but weren’t.

Instead it basically said “hey ladies, get yourself a man before you’re old, smart, and ugly, bc men won’t like that.” Seriously?!?!

Men & Women could invest more time considering what kind of partner they want, date different guys to see if thats what they like (note: I said date, not sleep), planning the best route to get the guy they want, change their undesirable behavior (while staying true to themselves!) to make themselves most marketable for the guy they want, actively explore their social networks to put themselves in the right position, outline and explain their goals and where they plan to be in 5 -10 years. I mean, take this paragraph and replace “date” & “guy” with “job” and “career” and it makes sense! We PLAN on getting the best job possible, but often women (and some men) hope that the right partner will just fall into our laps while we’re not doing anything. I’m not saying every woman should run around “husband hunting” same as women don’t exactly “job hunt” from the onset of the career, but you do prepare yourself to be in the position where you will be ready, available, and poised for that job/mate when it does come –and that you are getting the right compensation, satisfaction, and needs met!

 

I kinda want to write a counter article on this. Clearly my blood is pumping!

 

 

 

Post # 26
Member
936 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

The second you start actively LOOKING for a husband is the second shit starts to backfire.  You can’t force this kind of thing and those that do…usually end up in divorce court.

I know several friends who are making finding a husband their main mission – it’s a disaster.  The harder you try….the harder the world will push back.

Post # 27
Member
2510 posts
Sugar bee

@LilRhodyGem:  

Congratulations to you pretty, young and dumb ladies. Apparently, you fare best in wrassling up a husband!

 

LOL!! I almost fell out of my chair!

Post # 28
Member
2890 posts
Sugar bee

@EffieTrinket:  Don’t worry, I laughed reading this. I love your sarcasm. 😉

 

ETA: Geez I need a coffee, I thought your edit meant you thought YOU were insulting to women/men in your message. 

Post # 29
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@TwoStatesBride:  Oh no! I may have missed my opportunity with the kind of man who is afraid of being exposed by his intellectual equal! (sarcasm)

 

Post # 30
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

This article is not only insulting to women, but also to men. Do intellectual men in their 30s really want bimbos in their 20s? lol

Post # 31
Member
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

The bad word in any article like this is “women NEED to x,y,z…” Women don’t “need” to do what the author is saying. 

 

HOWEVER (no one jump on me)

 

im graduating in a few weeks with a human development and family science degree. The research confirms what she’s saying. As a matter of fact, we were talking in class today about the impact of education on attraction amongst people. Both men and women seek people of the same level of education, in general. The higher your education, the smaller your “pool” of eligibility. If you have spent the last 10 baby-bearing years of your life pursuing a PhD and not baby bearing, your pool is shrinking with every year and every degree. Therefore, just number-wise, making your chances if marrying slimmer. 

 

Also, a happy and stable intimate relationship is the greatest predictor of happiness- it’s even the greatest predictor of someone’s Physical health! 

 

NOT saying she’s right or that everyone has to do this!!! Also what’s best for the majority of society is not always best for individuals. And I certainly don’t like her tone ha. Just saying- it’s supported by research. 

 

The topic ‘Young women should spend more time searching for husbands than planning careers’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors