(Closed) Younger Bees, have you heard of Grass Is Greener Syndrome? Have you experienced

posted 6 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 92
Member
7268 posts
Busy Beekeeper

gsdogs: “Talk to someone real… Not someone who’s miserable with their life so they’re reading these boards and tryjng to convince you how miserable you are.”

Wow, projection much? 

Crying in her fiance’s arms sounds like a great idea. Unfortunately, per the OP’s own words, any time she acts remotely upset around her Fiance, it pisses him off, he stonewalls her, and then flees the scene, so I’m not sure how this suggestion would really be feasible although it is a lovely romantic thought.

Post # 94
Member
3243 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

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DoubleA903:  Based on the dynamics of your family history, I think you need to really look carefully at this relationship and see if you are just repeating history because it’s familiar, or if it’s a healthy relationship and you are treated like you should be.  Based on your updates, I’m going to go on history repeating itself and it not being a healthy relationship.  But, you have to decide that for yourself, and decide if you are worth more or if you ultimately stay.

Post # 95
Member
3243 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

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gsdogs:  No idea how you think this is a healthy relationship based on everything she’s told us in this thread.  How is blowing up at her being patient?  And how is taking his anger out on her when he’s angry at someone else not toxic at the least, and most likely abusive?

Oh and I’m extremely happy in my marriage 🙂  But I have also been in a toxic relationship and know what they look like.

Post # 96
Member
7268 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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DoubleA903:  Yeah, that’s the impression I had.

It is interesting though to think about what draws people to comment on threads like this. For me, it’s not misery in the present moment–it’s having gone through a miserable relationship a few years ago that even though I’ve fully moved on from, I think I’m still processing in a way. I enjoy reading and replying to posts from people who are going through/have been through something similar. But I do think we advice givers need to be careful not to project too much of our own experiences onto the OP, which is maybe what gsdogs was trying to get at? I dunno.

Post # 97
Member
841 posts
Busy bee

I married my high school sweetheart. We met when I was 15 and married when I was 25. We married because mostly we heard all of our friends and family telling us that we had been together for 10 years so it was time. It was all fine until I had our daughter. He then fell out of love with me and told me that all he could see me as was a mother and no longer as his wife. We grew a part and out of love because we were no longer the same people we were at 15. I loved him as a teenager, but no longer as the man he had become. We divorced 4 years after we were married. I would be very cautious. Although some people marry their hs sweethearts and live happily ever after, my case was different. Like I said, we were not the same people as adults. We loved eachother, but as friends, not in a romantic way at all. He was very much into going out and meeting new woman when we were married too. I think that being with me and not encountering anyone else through his adulthood left him wondering what else was out there. I am not trying to justify his actions at all, but it is what it is. The best thing I ever did was divorce him. I am so happy now that I have found my SO. We are adults in a mature nurturing and loving relationship and I wouldnt change it for the world.

Post # 100
Member
3243 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

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DoubleA903:  My father worked all the time whilte I was growing up, and was also pretty emotionally distant/unavailable.  Guess what kind of men I’m naturally attracted to?  The sucessful emotionally unavailable ones. 

I had to actively change the type of man I allowed myself to date.  I almost stopped dating my husband after a week because he was too emotionally available and it was foreign to me!  You may want to find a therapist to help you process everything and help you decide what you should do going forward.

Post # 102
Member
3243 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

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DoubleA903:  That right there, what his mom said, big red flag.  Huge.

Post # 105
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2017

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DoubleA903:  I’m late to comment, but can you explain “He’s the one who runs to other girls when we have problems (I said a little more than that).”?

I didn’t see you talk about this kind of problem in your earlier updates? Is this another issue in your relationship?

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