(Closed) Younger moms vs. Older moms

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
Post # 4
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It does kind of sound like bashing younger moms, considering how every point in your post is about things older moms are better at because they have ‘life experience’ – although I’ll admit that I’m obviously kind of biased and going to be a bit more emotional about that sort of issue because I’m 25 and currently almost 38 weeks pregnant, which is not an awesome time for my hormones/emotions. Though even without getting my emotions involved I’m really not sure how it works to say, “I’m not bashing younger moms, but here’s a bunch of reasons being an older mom is better and you should have waited.” It’s insulting. I’m not some 16 year old who accidentally got pregnant – my Darling Husband and I are in our 20s (barely, he’s 29), and this was a pregnancy that was very much wanted and planned for, we both felt like this was the right point in our life for it, and judgement like this irritates me. But to come back at her points…

 

 

– I pretty much disagree with any argument that is based on life experience, because I don’t feel that life experience and age necessarily equate together. I mean yes, obviously if we’re talking a teen mom or something – but there are women in their mid-20s who have travelled and accomplished quite a bit, there are other women in their 40s who haven’t.

 

 

– It’s not like once I give birth I’m somehow incapable of travelling – we’ll go on family vacations, and by the time I’m in my late 40s I figure my kids will be getting to the point where they’ll be moving out, and many of or vacations will be just Darling Husband and myself again. So I really see no point to that part of her argument, you can always go on those vacations, it’s just a matter of what age you’re taking them at. 

 

 

– Financial stability? Has she taken a look at the economy? And frankly I find it to be kind of insulting to assume that most younger moms are struggling to make ends meet and are missing time from their kids to work/finish school, she’s using a pretty broad brush to make statements there and I don’t think they’re necessarily fair or true.

 

 

– Since when do moms worry about their kids more or less based on the age of the mom? I’ve never found that to be at all true. The women who is freaked that her 5 year old isn’t some prodigy is probably making those comparisons and overanalyzing whether she gives birth at 20, 30, or 40.

Post # 5
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I disagree with the travel bit (I’m a young mom, like PP, 23 years old and 14w PG).

 

We decided to have kids now so we can travel while we’re young (40somethings). My kids will be in college by the time I’m 45, when some older moms will have toddlers running around. Right now Darling Husband and I make enough to easily support a family, but 20 years from now, we’ll be making way more AND our kids will be older and independent, which will allow us to be independent too and travel more.

 

 

 

@Wonderstruck:  +1 about life experience. 

 

 

 

Some moms are going to be heicopter moms and some aren’t. I don’t believe for a second that it’s age related. Just because your friend saw a young mom freaking out doesn’t mean that it had anything to do with her age, and 1 isn’t exactly a reliable sample size. There are lots of older moms who are overprotective and lots of young moms who are pretty relaxed. It’s not fair to judge like their age explains their behaviour.

 

Post # 6
Member
1714 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

All I am going to say is this is going to get VERY interesting. 

Post # 7
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree with the points of life experience, financial stability and travelling IF you’re talking about say, a 16 year old. Some one in there 20’s…not so much.

Sure, those points could be relevant to some 20-something mothers/mothers-to-be, just as it could be used when talking about a 30-something or even 40-something year old first time mothers.

Everything you said, is very, very general and just because you could apply it to 1, or even 100 women, doesn’t make it true about all.

Post # 8
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I don’t think being a good parent has anything to do with your age.

 

 

 

I’ve met plenty of brilliant young, inbetween and older mums. 

 

 

 

I’ve met plenty of shit young, inbetween and older mums.

 

 

 

A few of my friends had their children very young. My one best friend fell pregnant at the age of 14. She left school to focus on being a parent, did some correspondence schooling, and did a certificate and diploma in Early Childhood Education, and she is now studying a Bachelor of Health (majoring in neonatal nursing). She had her second child at the age of 19, and her eldest is now 5 years old and just started school, and her daughter turned one today. She is one of the most amazing mothers I have ever met, and she has always put her children first, and is so inspirational.

 

 

 

My one friends mother had her son at the age of 45. She is such an incredible woman, and she has so much energy and is a fantastic parent. 

 

 

 

One girl I know had her son at the age of 18. She always goes out partying, and spends all of her money on drugs and tattoos, and dumps her son on her mother all of the time. 

 

 

 

Another woman I know is 32 years old and makes some of the worst parent decisions I have ever seen. I’ve witnessed her giving her toddler a lollipop whilst he was jumping on a trampoline, taking him to daycare when he had hand, foot and mouth disease, giving him 11 iceblocks to eat in one day, refusing to bath him for 2 weeks (because he didn’t want to… she didn’t even give him a sponge bath) taking him to daycare when he had scabies, teaching him how to swear (sh*t, f*ck,b*tch,c*nt) and letting him watch Jersey Shore and Geordie Shore.

 

ETA: Not all helicopter mums are younger by the way. I am studying early childhood and I’m a relief teacher and I’ve seen some older and younger helicopters. My friends mum (the one who had her son at the age of 45) is a bit of a helicopter sometimes, and my friend who had her first child at the age of 15 isn’t at all. Your age doesn’t determine whether you’re a helicopter or not. It’s usually determined by your own upbringing (your parents/caregivers instill your fears/anxieties) 

 

Also, the whole financial thing isn’t an age thing. The woman who is 32 is on a benefit, and a friend of mine was a father of 2 girls by the age of 20 (he’s 22 now), is married, and earns a good salary. His wife is 21, and also earns a good salary. Another friend of mine got married at the age of 19, became a mum at the age of 20, and bought a house at the age of 21.

 

And like a PP said YOU can travel if you’re a young mum as well as an older mum. If you want to travel you just need to budget and save, or go to a little batch somewhere or a few hours away. Some people might even prefer having a holiday with their children. 

 

And the age thing… If you look old you look old. My granny (who had my mum at the age of 20) is 67, yet you’d think she is 55, and when she was younger people thought she was my mums older sister. If you age well and take care of your skin  and drink water and eat well you’ll look young. My parent friends in their 20’s look like they’re in their 20’s, because in this day and age you can’t determine a persons age through them being a parent because people have children when they’re in their teens, 20’s, 30’s, 40’s and 50’s!

 

Post # 9
Member
7408 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I had one child in my mid 20’s and one child in my mid 30’s- so I have a little perspective on each side of this..  I did not feel too young or too old in either case.  But it is definately different.  Parenting is always hard and there is no perfect time. 

I think you are trying to justify your life and the way it has turned out.  You don’t need to justify being an older parent to anyone- however that doesnt make a young parent any less qualified.

Post # 10
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

There are pros and cons to both, but how you are as a mom has less to do with age, and more to do with your involvement with your child.

This is a completely one-sided post.

Post # 11
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

As long as you are in a stable relationship with a stable environment for the child and can comfortably live your life (finances etc) then age is only a number (baby)!

You did indicate that there are health risks with being an older mother but again, young or old, there can always be a risk.

I would hate to think ones parenting skills is based on age as there are MANY examples of good and bad parenting and as far as I can see age makes no difference.

Post # 14
Member
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

So obviously the best Mum would be

Married 23 – 28 years old

With 40 + years life experience

Various degrees, lots of money, a few houses and travelled around the world numerous times.

 

 

 

Post # 15
Member
1975 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@FauxBoho:  +1 Good way of putting it.

I dont understand, why cant everyone can just accept that everyone is different. Teens are having kids and they may not own their own house or have degrees, and I am sure many young mums in this situation would say itd be easier if they did, or even wish they waited until they did. Just as many older mums may wish they got to it earlier. 

Life experience doesnt = age

financial security doesnt = age

and better parenting doesnt = age

 

When your ready you are ready

Post # 16
Member
3053 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I don’t think I’d want to start having children until my late 20s/early 30s (I’m CBC but if I did want kids someday) . I’m 23 now…not that I couldn’t be a great mom, but I’m still in school, only working part time, and we’re still working on savings and finances. I also just want to be selfish right now, there’s no way in hell I would want to give up my freedom. I want to travel after I graduate and no, traveling with a child is not the same. Yes, you can always just bring your children along wherever you go but it is NOT going to be the same experience. Whether it’ll be better or worse is up to the person, but it’s not going to be the same. I would want to find stability in my career.

My mom had me at 40. There are many many pros to being an older mom that I think women dismiss. I would not be the same person if my mom had me 10 years earlier. There’s also the fact that your child doesn’t get as much time with you. My biggest complaint is that my sister gets 20 years more with my mom since my mom had her at 21. It’s not fair.

There’s no reason to feel bad or worry about being a “better” mom now that you’re older and you don’t need to justify yourself anymore than a 20 year old who made the decision to have a baby does. It’s your life.

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