(Closed) Younger sibling engaged before you?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@darlingbee:  my sister is 3 years younger than me and she got engaged and married before me. She had been dating the guy for 7 years, though. I just got engaged this year and will be married in November, a full 2 1/2 years after my sis. 

I didn’t care one bit that she got engaged before me. My Fiance and I were still in nursing school and we always said we would wait until after we got our degrees to get engaged. 

Post # 4
Member
983 posts
Busy bee

Fi’s 2 brothers are younger than him, a lot younger.  One has been married for a few years, the other in a few months…we aren’t getting married until next year.  It’s really not a big deal to anyone who gets married first, second or last.  Everyone goes at their onw pace, takes their own paths…for my Fiance ….it just took him a lot longer to find that right person before he decided to marry.

Post # 5
Member
678 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@darlingbee:  I was in pretty much your same situation- SO and I had been together almost 5 years, and my younger brother married someone he had known for 6 months. At the time it was a bit of a shock, and some part of it was naturally jealousy. I remember when my mom told me the news it really felt like I got punched in the stomach. I had been used to going to weddings where the couple knew each other for less time than me and my SO, but my brother’s happened really fast and out of the blue.

Fast forward 2 more years, my brother is now going through a divorce, poor guy. I guess the lesson is to just focus on your own relationship, everyone is on a different timeline. I look at it like all my years of “waiting” had a purpose- I know it’s hard to keep that perspective though when everyone around you seems to be getting engaged/married 🙂

Post # 6
Member
899 posts
Busy bee

me and my fiance are younger than his sister, she was so rude and mean about it i cannot stand her anymore. try not to look at the age and just be happy that your sister is getting married, it’s once in a lifetime, you’ll want to share it with her. years from now you’ll be mad at yourself for being selfish.

my fsil has really has hurt my feelings and i don’t see us being friends anytime soon

PLEASE DONT BE LIKE MY FSIL!

Post # 7
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I am the oldest of 5 – I was the last one.

I can’t say I was excited for it to take so long but I was happy for each and every one of them 🙂 I don’t think you will be bitter after a day or two.

Post # 8
Member
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My younger sister got engaged and married well before me. I was happy for her and didn’t care at all. I think it’s weird and selfish for someone to care about this sort of thing. 

Post # 9
Member
397 posts
Helper bee

@darlingbee:  heck ya its going to sting.  You’ll be happy for her, but deep down a part of you will be sad.

At least thats how I felt when both my siblings got married before me.  My sister is older and she was married with in 3 months of dating someone.  Had a beautiful daughter and with in the year was seperated and heading towards divorce.

My younger brother got married in November with out telling anyone and after 35 years of saying he was never going to marry!  The are unhappy and don’t even like each other much, and will most likely not last long.

 

I however got engaged at 40 after dating Fiance for 7 1/2 years (living together for 6 years), will not be married until I am 42 BUT know without a doubt that I love him more then anything and we will last!

Do I wish it is/was different for my siblings… YEP!  I would have loved for them to be happy in their lives, but it isn’t/wasn’t meant to be.

Be happy for your sister when it happens, you never know that might just be the bug that gets your Boyfriend or Best Friend to see how special you are to him and make him prepare for your future together!!!

Post # 10
Hostess
2556 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My step sister got engaged before I did and we all laughed about it because they were together all of 5 months.  FWIW, they still engaged.  I was initially feeling a little jealous, because my SO and I had been together much, much longer, but deep down I was okay with it.  Her Fiance re-used an ering from a previous ex (tsk tsk) & I knew my (now) Fiance was saving his pennies (while we were still enjoying everything else we always do!) to buy me the ring of my dreams.

 

Post # 11
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m an only child, but I can see why this would hurt.

FI’s brother’s wife is the younger of her and her sister, and she was engaged and married first. The worst part was that she’s very clearly their parents’ favorite–they saved up over $10k (not sure the exact amount, but it was at least that) so that she could have her “perfect princess” wedding. When it came time for her sister to get married, they were like, “Oh…we didn’t think you’d ever get married. Sorry. You can have a small backyard ceremony.”

Post # 12
Member
678 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@vorpalette:  Ouch!! That’s kind of sad. I hope his sister had a kick-butt wedding regardless 🙂 My brother had such a “quickie” wedding that my mom didn’t even have a chance to contribute much money- so my SO and I are now the grateful beneficiaries by default. I think she would’ve given my brother and I equal amounts though if the situation had allowed for it.

Post # 13
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I would find this odd not really because he’s younger but because of who he is and whats he’s like, he’s only 19 too so I would just be very surprised. one of SO’s younger sister has had a baby before us so if she was to get engaged before us (which she might) then it wouldn’t been odd, I wouldn’t really mind though I think it might make the waiting more intense for me though. SO’s other sister is a lot younger than him (she’s 15) so I can’t see her getting engaged before us anyway, might be worried if she did. 

Post # 14
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

My younger (and only) sister got engaged and married 7 years before me. She’s been with my brother-in-law for 10 years now, they hooked up right after college and married in their mid-20s. 

It did not bother me and I was really happy for her. The only resentment I felt was that I had just graduated from law school when she got engaged and people would keep bringing it up to me at my law school graduation party-but that had nothing to do with her and more to do with people wanting to subtlely hurt my feelings that I was going to end up the spinster sister. 

I just got married for the first time at 33 so I’m really happy they didn’t wait!

Post # 15
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My sister and I are 1 year apart, im 32, she just turned 31 and she got married about 8 years ago, no engagement, they just eloped without telling anyone.  They guy was abusive and a cheater and my sister stayed with him until December of this year when she finally decided to leave him, she is in the middle of getting a divorce.

The only resentment I felt towards her was not including anyone in the family on her wedding day.  Other than that I always knew I wanted to wait until I found the right person and now 8 years later I have found that person and we’re in the proces of setting a date probably for Sept of 2013.  

Post # 16
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@darlingbee:  I was the younger sister – got engaged after dating for 5 years.  My sister managed to meet, date, get engaged, and marry her husband between my proposal and my wedding.  I’ve always wondered if she did it so fast because she felt weird about me experiencing something first.  The good news is her husband is an awesome guy and they seem happy – it’s one of the reasons I try not to judge people who meet and marry quickly.  It does work for some people!

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