(Closed) Younger sibling engaged before you?

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 77
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 1999

@darlingbee

 

Yeah, I feel like there is a perk to her going first! πŸ™‚ I have supported her as a big sis throughout and she as a married lady who knows all the tricks throught :). She’s a good gal! πŸ™‚

 

We started seeing eachother at school. When we were 17. I was in a class with him when we were 14/15 and then after the summer he cameback all moody and long-haired lol and I really fell for him.I nabbed him at one of our friends 18th birthday parties! Just had to get him really drunk :p So yeah we’ve been together since school. I htink that’s why it took us so long, really.

My main thing about my sis getting engaged etc before me was other people asking. I got fed up of people saying ‘aww it’s a shame she did it before you’ etc. but she had a different life to me – she left school at 17, I went to uni…then grad school then a teacher training college lol. I do think a little jealosy is ok, though! I don’t necc think it’s so much a wholly negative emotion – it just shows how much you care for someone in a strange way…and also how you want some of their magic, too. I was jealous, however, of other people who got engaged before me AFTER her wedding. Her wedding was the start of all the jealousy and desire lol and I am SERIOUSLY jel of her being able to afford a house (see – uni is not always the best for you!) and that little baby of hers! Does crazy things to my ovaries! ;p

 

Do you think talking to her might help? She will be jelous of you for other htings, for sure and maybe a little green-eye swappign may make you feel a bit better about things?

Post # 78
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee

@darlingbee:  I don’t think it was even a year. But when you know you know. My fiance and I have been talking marriage since about 6 months into our relationship. The timing was just bad for us. :/ So we had to wait until now.

Post # 79
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee

@candc13:  That’s wasn’t very mature of your sister. Funny, since she’s the older one. I’m sorry for that situation, but hopefully her attitude will change because you changed your date…

Post # 80
Member
2461 posts
Buzzing bee

@darlingbee:  Hahahahha it’s all good. I sometimes have to read, and re-read some replies until I get it right lol.

My sister’s boyfriend kind of hinted the day she was asking my grandma about finding her promise ring. She hinted at him and he said it would come with time πŸ™‚ Uhhhh if 5 years isn’t enough time, I don’t know what is!! Hahahhaa.

Hahah you’re welcome for the research. I just looked online at some churches around here, so you might want to do that in your area. Also, in MN to get a marriage license it is $100 without marriage counseling/education, and $40 with 12 hours of those courses…..BUT you have to pay for them, which can be anywhere from $600-1200 for just that. Which means you’re actually spending MORE money πŸ™‚ Another reason why I don’t want to get married in a church and save myself a little money.

Post # 81
Member
1946 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My younger sister got MARRIED, THREE TIMES, before I got married once.  She’s had a hard road because of it.  I wouldn’t trade with her for a minute.

Post # 82
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I know what you mean, OP. I’m the eldest of seven and I’ll admit to a twinge (ok so it was more like a stab) of jealousy when I found out my brother (sibling #3) was engaged. He and his fiancee (who I’d met a couple months earlier and loved) dated for only a few months before my brother knew he wanted to propose. My SIL’s father was the one who convinced him to wait until the 6 mos. mark. I was so extremely happy for them, but I had always thought I’d get married first. It was a bit hard hearing about their plans knowing I was no closer to getting married. But it passed and I had no problems during their intimate wedding, the arrival of baby #1, and now baby #2.

The culture I grew up in made it more difficult, as traditionally the older children marry before the younger. But it’s not a hard and fast rule, especially as they’ve gotten more westernized. Still having older family friends commenting how hard it must be having my younger sibling marry first gave me sour grapes for a bit.

Post # 83
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - The Old Courthouse in Cleveland

@darlingbee:  We are 3 years older. And YES she totally rubbed wedding planning in my face!! it didn’t really make me jealous, (because I am in a happy, healthy relationship and did not feel like I needed to be engaged yet) BUT it did make me really annoyed and uncomfortable. Fiance and I have talked a lot about it but I felt like she was totally talking down to me because I didnt have a ring on my finger. 

Post # 90
Member
2461 posts
Buzzing bee

@darlingbee:  lol I have tons tons tons of stories. I’m blunt with a side of sarcasm πŸ™‚ but at th same time I know when to keep my mouth shut (I’m a nurse, I BETTER know when to keep Mary mouth shut lol). My older sister and I clash all the time and she holds ya grudge like no body’s business!!!

Post # 91
Member
1502 posts
Bumble bee

Two of my younger siblings got married before me and it didn’t bother me one bit.  Until I read your post, I don’t think I ever even realized that there were people who would be bothered by that.   When you love someone, you don’t envy them, so I can’t imagine not being happy for a sibling that I love getting married.   I think a key difference between you and I is that I LOVED my single life at the time of my siblings’ weddings, whereas you don’t sound happy to be single.  You sound like you are very much “waiting” and “worrying” about a wedding.  Do you normally have a very competitive relationship with your sister?  If not, do you think maybe part of the real issue is that you aren’t happy with your relationship status?  Unhappy people often hate on happy people, and it is never right or ok.  Never.  I am sure another person will post on here and say it’s fine, but really, we all know deep down that it’s not kind or right.      I reccomend you do a little soul searching.  Don’t let envy hurt your relationship with your sister if she gets engaged first.  Also, if you aren’t happy in your relationship (and you don’t sound happy to me), make a change.  Maybe the change means to change the status of your relationship to engaged.  Maybe the change means to find a man who has life goals and a time frame more compatible with your own.  Whatever it is- do it so you can be happy now and not anxiety ridden over something that hasn’t even happened yet.

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