(Closed) Younger sister getting married before older!

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 32
Member
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It’s funny but nobody has made this comment to me. I am a LOT younger than my sister and I am engaged first, and will probably be married before she is engaged too. (She is 28 and I am 22.) 

My sister hasn’t expressed to me any sort of being upset. In fact, my whole family absolutely loves my Fiance and are excited for me. I wonder if she might be a little jealous because she hasn’t found someone who it has worked out with (actually, I have hated pretty much every boyfriend that she’s had), but if she is she hasn’t said anything to me about it. However, that’s no good reason for me to wait indefinitely to marry the man that I’ve been with for six and a half years when she doesn’t have any great prospects on the horizon.

Post # 33
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@angelheart:  I have a twin sister and she has heard so much crap since I’ve gotten engaged! Her boyfriend and her have been together one year less than me and my fiance but still people won’t leave her alone–especially in the family they say he’s just using her since he ‘won’t marry her’ –even though she doesn’t want to get married at this point in her llife. Chalk it up to chauvinism

Post # 34
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: January 2009

I think people dismiss any comment that bothers them too quickly as annoying, gossip, or stupid. Asking if an older sibling minds that the younger sibling is getting married first is none of their business, but it’s certainly a valid question. I think it reflects the knowledge that marriage is a step forward, in life and in maturity, and the younger sister taking it before the older sister changes the dynamic between the siblings! 

I have been married for 3 years, and my sister is older than me by 3 years. She is unmarried. She recently came to see my new house, and remarked, “Oh my gosh! You’re all grown up! You’re not a kid anymore!” 

I’m 30, and she’s 33. I’ve been married and living in a home with my husband for 3 years, and I am 8 months pregnant. Her remark showed her own immaturity; stunted because she hasn’t experienced, and has little knowledge of, the grown-up things that make up marriage and creating your own home and family. She still thought of me as a kid because she was absolutely clueless about the things I have been going through, learning, and doing as a married woman and soon-to-be-mother. Clueless because she hasn’t gone through those things herself. 

I’ve also been conflicted lately about how to set down some boundaries with her. The past two times she has visited our homes (we moved last year), she has walked right into my husband and my bedroom, casually sat on the bed, and looked around curiously at all of our stuff. I know that I need to sit her down and explain that you don’t just walk into a married couple’s bedroom and make yourself comfortable on their bed…this isn’t college. But just the fact that I have to educate my OLDER sister on this etiquette troubles me! 

My sister may not be bothered by me getting married first because, as of yet, she hasn’t realized that she is still stuck in single adult female immaturity mode, whereas I’ve moved on to wife and mother mode. Sometimes I wince because she acts just like I did five years ago, and I’m not used to thinking of my older sister as more immature than me. I think that if older sisters were more aware that those kinds of changes would take place, they WOULD be bothered by their younger sisters getting married first. 



 

Post # 35
Member
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

View original reply
@HelenA83:  I feel bad for your sister, but not because you got married first, got a house first, and are having a kid first. I feel bad for her because her little sister is on a high horse looking down her nose at her sibling. What a shame.

Post # 36
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My sister was 22 when she was married and she’s only a year younger. Seven years later now it’s my turn!

Not jealous at all. Married life wasn’t something I wanted at 23 back when she got married. I can’t remember if anyone asked but I think because of her age and circumstance (new baby) people knew that I wasn’t exactly jealous of her. Don’t get me wrong, I love her to death, I just didn’t want those things back then. 

Post # 37
Member
1047 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think it’s kind of sad to think about marriage being the high point of a woman’s life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled to be engaged but its not the only thing I have to aspire to. My older sister is single. She is also smart, beautiful, talented, and has a great career and lots of friends. So why should she feel like a failure because she hasn’t found anyone worthy (imo) of her yet. My younger sister got engaged after me but if she gets married before I do, it doesn’t bother me at all. Her happiness does not diminish me in any way. The only concern I have with timing is that I hope it’s at a time that I can be there (I live on the other side of the world to her)

 

Anyway, tl:dr, marriage is not a competition and anyway it should be the only defining thing in your life. I think it’s at best a bit sad, and at worst quite sexist, when people act like its the only thing women should aspire to. 

Post # 38
Member
5870 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

God, that is so annoying.  Because obviously your sister is empty and unfifilled until she’s married and she’s a failure in life because her younger sister is getting hitched, right?

You know why this enrages me?  Because no one EVER has this reaction if a younger brother was getting married before an older brother.

People are so annoying.

Post # 39
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee

Ah “fiddler on the roof” syndrome… LOL  where its expected that the oldest daughter always marries first!

Post # 40
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@angelheart:  I think thats closed minded ppls thoughts (its like out of old movies or rom com’s now) I truely don’t believe anyone would be not thrilled for there little sister, they may for a moment go gee mayeb i should date more lol (since she is so busy in school) but really i doubt she thinks about it at all … its those ppl who do i am sure ppl commenting the same kinda thing to her is annoying her as well 

 

your sisters you know each other inside out you should know better then anyone if she is the type that would be upset, if you never thought so b4 i trust your gut feeling at the start not these over the top old fashion ppl putting ideas in your head 

 

😀 I am sure she is thrilled for you like you will be for her one day 

Post # 41
Member
232 posts
Helper bee

I’ll be getting married before my older sister. I’m 22 and she’s 27, but I’ll be 23 for the wedding. 

Knowing my sister she could care less about age. She’s doing her own thing raising my adorable niece. She had a rough patch and got pregnant during her last year at University. I know she regrets nothing about her life, and I’m proud of the woman she is.

Marriage is a big step, but she’s endured some things I’ve never had to. So I still feel like she’s someone to admire and look up to. My marriage will never change that 🙂

Post # 42
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m the elder sister. SO and I have been together for over three years, have discussed marriage (he has the ring, however, we’re waiting a while before getting engaged) and are emotionally and financially mature/ready for marriage.

My sister is 19, at University, isn’t dating anyone, financially irresponsible and very immature/selfish – if she got engaged before me, honestly I would be jealous, but I would also be very worried.

Post # 43
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@risingsun:  My Fiance was very excited for his younger sister (2 years younger).  Much to my surprize he has begun talking about how he is eager to have kids first because his sister got married first.

No noticible sibiling rivlary ever, but I think sometimes us older ones would like to be married, too.

My older brother is married as well as my one-year-younger brother.  I feel no pressure.  I would of felt bad if my youngest brother got married before me…and I think that even though he is the youngest he feels the pressure now that all 3 of his sibilings will be married.

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