Post # 1
Today I was scrolling through my DVR list and ended up watching “Oprah’s Next Chapter”, she was interviewing Justin Bieber. One of the questions she asked was “I hear you want to be married by 25”. “I’d like to” he replies, she says “Re-think that, will you? I think 25 is to young. Your whole 20’s is about discovering who you really are. You owe that to yourself”.
My opinion: If I was asked this question when I got married at 19 I would have said I disagree. My mother even asked me if I was sure this is what I wanted and I said yes. I got married for the wrong reasons and should have put my time and energy into something other than marriage. The only thing I did right was having my son. I wish I could have spent my 20’s going to school, developing my career, finding true love and starting my married life at 30 then having a baby. I did it backwards and didn’t start to discover who I was until I was divorced at 36.
When I heard Oprah say “You owe that to youself”, it just hit me “Wow, that is so true” I just with I heard that in 1983!!!!
Everyone is different and makes different decisions about their life directions.
Do you agree? Please share why.
Do you disagree? Please share why
Post # 3
I agree, but I also don’t think that you have to be single to “discover yourself”. Yes, you learn a hell of a lot in your 20s, I get that. But I want to learn with my SO. These threads are always a debate….
Post # 4
I’m 29 and started dating my husband at 21, married at 26. I definitely agree that you discover a lot about yourself in your 20’s, but I don’t think my husband impeded that in any way. If anything learning what I’ll accept in a life partner and being true to myself in sticking with it when I found it was one of the major discoveries.
I’d lived by myself for four years and completed a degree before we started dating so it’s not like I moved directly from my parents “care” to my husband’s. And even my parents would contest that I was always a bit of an old soul. Even in highschool I never really put up with being fake or doing things I didn’t enjoy for the sake of being “cool”.
Post # 5
Agreed. I am very different at 26 then I was at 20, 21, 23, and so forth. I finally came into my own around 25 after I met Fiance.
Post # 6
Yes and no. I can change and “discover” myself in my 20’s…….with my husband. Just because I got married doesn’t mean I no longer exist as an individual.
Post # 7
I’m at the higher end of my 20’s an believe that to be somewhat true. I have had 4 serious boyfriends in the last 7 years, one of whom I’ve now married. I learned a helluva lot from each previous breakup and ended up with a fantastic husband because I didn’t rush into anything. I’ve been on 4 major overseas holidays, lived in about 6 different cities, did a 40000km trip around Aus, all these experiences helping shape the person I am today. I got married at 27 because I knew I was ready. Sure, I’m still discovering more things about me, but being married in my 20’s wont hinder my development as a person…
Post # 8
@WannaBeeMrsB: and @chasesgirl:
That’s why I added “other” because I felt there could be another answer besides yes or no. I can understand what you mean by discovering yourself when your married.
Post # 9
@Ill Be Mrs B: *changes vote to other* !!
Post # 10
@KellyLouise: Were the 3 previous bf’s completly different than your husband? Did each break up end good? Bad?
Post # 11
i agree, but i also feel like you can discover yourself and enjoy your 20’s while being married. I am marrying young, and i want to experience all that stuff with my fiance.(hes older and already been through his 20’s but hes making sure he doesn’t take away my experiences.) not only is he the person i want to share everything with, but in the years we have been together he has made me a much better person.
i think if i hadn’t have met him, i would feel differently, but to me he is the one, that isn’t to say anything wrong about people who chose to wait until they are older…
any marriage can fail, not just young marriages
Post # 12
I don’t think there’s a definitive “age” when it happens, it’s different for everyone. I’ve seen teenagers that have amazing self-awareness and they’re so comfortable with who they are. I also see adult who have no idea what direction they want their life to head in. It also depends on what you go through, when you go through it. Some people have to be independent a lot earlier, go through tough situations such as death, abusive relationships, early pregnancies, etc. so they might discover themselves in their 20s, but others don’t face that until their 30s.
For me personally, I have discovered a lot about myself in my twenties, but I think it’s ongoing. I’m a mother, soon-to-be wife and have a new job as a manager. There’s still lots to discover though!
Post # 13
I’m lucky enough to have a DH who helps me to grow even more than when I am left to my own devices.
Post # 14
You can discover who you are with the love of your life. Grow together.
Post # 15
@Ill Be Mrs B: only one ended badly. He cheated. You learn a helluva lot about yourself when you waste your time with a scumbag. The other 2 were just, I dunno, we were young! I think traveling was more important to me than having a boyfriend, and there were some cracks. My now husband and I fitted in to each others lives perfectly.
Post # 16
I agree that you do discover yourself during those years, but I disagree that getting married and/or starting a family interferes with that. I think you can grow, and discover, and learn about yourself and life while doing just that as well as taking a different path in life. I’m 20 years old and I don’t think that age matters as much as some people make it out to be … there are many other factors that affect a marriage and how your life turns out to be …