Post # 17
Yes, but you don’t need to necessarily stay single to find yourself. And you keep discovering yourself (and your partner!!!) all the time, you’re not the same person at 50 that you are at 30, and life changing events can happen any time. That said, you really shouldn’t get married to define yourself, because you always ‘imagined’ you’d be married by a certain age, or if you aren’t already sure of yourself and what you want for yourself (or if you aren’t sure your partner wants the same), and probably you know that better at 25 than at 18 (I’ll let you know in a few years if I think there was a big change from 25-30 lol)
Post # 18
While I think there is truth in that, and think your early 20s are especially formative and think it’s best to get married after 25, I don’t see the harm in doing some of your self discovery while married, so I disagree that you shouldn’t get married during your 20s period.
Post # 19
You bee’s are very fortunate to have supportive FI’s and husbands who let you be you and have the freedom to discover that. I have that now with my current husband. He lets me be me!!
Post # 20
I completely agree but, like other posters, I don’t believe that you have to leave marriage/relationships until after your 20s to find out who you are. I lived on my own before joining forces with my partner, I had a strong circle of family and friends, and had done plenty of self-reflection and soul searching before we started our relationship to be sure it was what we really wanted.
Post # 21
@WannaBeeMrsB: Ditto. I think that it’s all about being the right relationship. I have learned so much about myself through my relationship with SO. Being in a relationship HAS helped me get to know myself, and has helped me find direction in my education and my career (and no, I haven’t molded these decisions around what would be easier in regards to my relationship). I have so much independence, and my relationship doesn’t effect that. I think that our whole lives are for getting to know ourselves. It can’t be done in a decade.
Post # 22
people change all the time,from 25-30 and 30-40 40-50 so why is the 20s so critical to people? you can get married at 35 and then a couple years later realize it isnt what you wanted.. my fiances parents were together for a long time, and one day his mom (who was in her 50s at the time) decided her marriage wasnt “fun” anymore and left… so it can happen at any age
@Ill Be Mrs B: it is a great feeling to have such a supportive person in your life. where we are both at the same level of what we want in our life, he has gone through his 20s and i haven’t so he makes it clear i should get to experience my life,but we want to grow and change together
Post # 23
@WannaBeeMrsB: This is exactly what I was going to say 🙂
Post # 24
I disagree, for the most part it is true but some people discover that much later. I am 28 and still trying to figure s*** out. Probably because there is still so much for me to experience!
Post # 25
@Pepperwoodsy: well said. we do have our whole lives to get to know ourselves, our 20s aren’t the deciding decade of who we will always be
Post # 26
I do think your 20s are about finding yourself. I turn 29 next week – and could not agree with that statement more. I think the younger bees that are denying it just don’t have the hindsight to see it!
Post # 27
I think a big part of happiness (both within yourself and a relationship) is realizing that discovery is an ongoing *process* (ETA). Yes, I discovered a lot about who I was in my 20s. Today I’m 32, and I’m still learning. I hope to always be conscious of myself throughout life and look forward to discovering more and more about Fiance throughout our life together!
Post # 28
I may only say this because I am 19… But I don’t believe that growing as an individual can’t be done while being part of a pair. People are continuously changing with age and time, and if you are with the right person you can grow together. My Fiance is 26, and he has said before: whether he had met me at 18 or 46 I would always have been the girl for him. Age is but a number to some extent. Some people mature and discover themselves earlier than others. It is all about your life experience.
Post # 29
I said yes even at 26 I am a WAY different person than I was at even 21. On the other hang, not everyone needs the same experiences in order to grow, everyone figures themselves out in different ways and at different times. So in that case I would vote other. But I do believe that for the vast majority, the 20’s is the time to grow.
Also, you don’t necessarily need to be married to grow with your partner. I hate that some people seem to think you need to be married in order to be “fully committed”. FI and I thought very seriously about never actually getting married. But that is another topic.
Post # 30
@crayfish: i dont think us younger bees are really denying it, i think we all fully understand the changes we will go through in our 20’s… i think that we just feel like we can go through it with our SO, and grow together.
Post # 31
I think discovering yourself is a lifelong process anyway and it’s silly to imagine you’re just finished at 25. You never stop growing and learning and changing… at least I hope not to, anyway. Either way you can know yourself just as well with someone as single, I think.