Post # 32
I agree, but you don’t have to discover yourself as a single person. I’m 21 going on 22, am currently studying a Bachelor of Teaching (early Childhood Education) , have a diploma in ECE and a certificate in ECE, have been engaged for a year, and have been with my fiance for 5 years on December 16th this year 🙂 We both still live with our parents, see each other on the weekend, and we plan on marrying in 3 years time. I am an individual, and am discovering myself more and more each day, but I feel he has helped me do that 🙂 It all depends on an individuals development and maturity. I’m enjoying being engaged, am in no rush to get married, have kids etc. We also plan on doing an OE for our honeymoon, and only want to move in with each other a year before we marry. I see a few people my age moving in with their bf/fh/so too quickly in the relationship, and being attached at the hip. I am enjoying being young at the moment, yet I think that when I was 16 I already had developed my morals, values, likes, dislikes etc. Marriage and a committed relationship don’t equal entrapment or being a social recluse who doesn’t enjoy life and the discovery of thy inner self. You have to have time apart and be individuals 🙂
Post # 33
@Bebealways: I couldn’t agree more with you. We’re constantly changing, no matter our age or relationship status 🙂
Post # 34
You can discover yourself at any age. You are constantly changing, you’ll be a different person when your 20, when your 30, when your 40 and every year then on. Everytime you think you have it figured out you’ll change.
Post # 35
I disagreed with the statement for two reasons. (1) you keep on discovering, and (2) everyone is different.
Post # 36
I voted other. While I generally agree with the statement due to how much brain development occurs in one’s early-mid twenties, the concept of the self-discovery phase lasting until you’re almost 30 seems kind of foreign to me.
Also, like the other bees have said, you can’t know it all. Wisdom is recognizing that you can never know all there is to know, and that you still have a lot to discover at any age. This is all regardless of one’s relationship status.
Post # 37
I totally agree that 20#s is the time for trying new things and coming into your own as a person and an independent adult. However, I don’t see this as a reason to be single, rather a reason not to have children before 30. I met my DH at 23 and married at 27 but in the time we were dating, we graduated grad school and started our lives independent of those around us but together. I’m 29 now and together we have followed careers, traveled to many new places, moved around a bit and supported each other in following our individual and shared goals. For me, this is the time to worry about being me and not to be fosusing on being someone else’S mom, that is what I see as the next step for my 30s. I know this thread started about marriage but since you mentioned having a child was the best part of youor 20s I wanted to share my POV as I look forward to children in my 30s.
Post # 38
@Ill Be Mrs B: I agree, I had a good time and explored in my 20’s. I truly developed as a person. I became ME. I completed my undergrad education, did graduate work, traveled with my friends, climbed the corporate ladder, relocated for an awesome career opportunity alone, made new friends and dated different people. I got the urge to settle down at 29 or 30. I’ve grown so much through my 20’s; it was necessary for me to do that before I could be ready for marriage. Now, I’m ready.
Post # 39
I’m 20 and have developed a LOT since I started dating FH at 15. I can discover myself AND be in a relationship too. In fact, I think our relationship has HELPED me grow and mature. I don’t need to be single, party and sleep around to know who I am. I hope I never stop growing.
I think you discover more about yourself and learn new things each day. I think it also has a lot to do with your experience. Most people experience a lot of new things (career, living independently ect) in their 20’s so I think that has a lot to do with ‘finding yourself’. I’ve been working, living away from my parents and have been financially independent since I was around 16 (judge if you like, it worked very well for me). I experienced a lot of firsts much younger than most people. That’s not to say i’m done growing, but I think that while a lot of people my age are learning what it means to support themselves financially, or what living away from their parents is like, i’ve been doing that for the last 4 years, so I am further along in that sense. So I do agree, BUT I also think you are still capable of discovering yourself in a relationship, and that it varies for everyone. I know people who are much older than me (like my older sister) who are COMPLETELY irresponsible and still don’t have jobs or financial independence, while I know a few people my age who are significantly more mature and have a strong sense of who they are.
Post # 40
I definitely agree. I’m 27 now, will be 28 when I marry.
Post # 41
I put other because personally I think you spend your whole life discovering who you are. You will never be the same person for long. People in their 30s aren’t necessarily the same person they are when they are in their 50s. People grow and change all the time. If you have someone to do that with then what is wrong with that?
I have been engaged since I was 18, now 21. I found 16-18 was when I made big discoveries and since then I have been slowly changing with my partner. We have grown together. Learnt new things about each other which has been exciting.
Will I ever know who I truly am? No because the experience I might get tomorrow, might totally change my thinking or way of life. Just like yesterday I was slightly different with the lack of that experience compared to today. I love being able to share each new discovery, and seeing his. I hope that neither of us never stop growing and changing with time.
Post # 42
I completely agree. I’ve changed so much from my late teens – ealy twenties to now (25). The thing is that, my DH had a lot to do with me finding who I am. Like some previous posters mentionned, I think that you can be with someone and still be discoveing who you are (though I gues this could backfire on some people in particular circumstances).
Post # 43
Agree. I changed dramatically from 20-24. I once thought about what if i had stayed with my highschool sweetheart and it made me sad. I changed so much i know i would have been miserable.
Post # 44
I guess I take Oprah’s comments to mean not that getting married in your 20s automatically impedes your ability to learn more about yourself and try different things etc., but if you go into your 20s having decreed to yourself ‘I’m trying to be married by age 25’ you’re a hell of a lot more likely to spend at least half of your twenties trying to become a person someone wants to marry instead of spending that time growing and learning.
I got married at 25, but I certainly didn’t plan on it, and those of my friends who’ve gotten married in their 20s definitely didn’t enter their twenties having declared that this was the decade they were going to get married. Those girls who went on a husband hunt? Already divorced or still single.
Certainly you can be married in your 20s and still learn and grow and change in a positive way, but I think setting yourself an age that you want to be married by, and 25 really is a very young age to be doing that, you’re setting yourself up for failure.
Post # 45
I began dating my Fiance at 21 and we’ll get married next year at 27. Both of us have definitely grown into ourselves a lot over the last six years. We’ve spent over half of our relationship long distance so we have definitely had time to ‘find’ ourselves without the other person. I also know that for me my FI’s influence helped me to explore many different aspects of myself that I might not have otherwise. In short, I don’t think he impeded my freedom at all and I’m glad that we’ve been able to grow together.
Post # 46
I agree. I totally had NO plans to get married to my Fiance before we turned 30. But time changed and I am so excited to be marrying him!
I got married at 18, I mean freshly 18 and for the wrong reasons. My mom as well told me she didn’t think it was a good idea, that I was marrying someone like my dad and was going down her path. A single mom raising 3 kids and the dad a complete a-hole. But I wanted to be on my own, sorta, so I married to get away. And boy was it the worst decision. He didn’t let me live at all. Instead of finding myself I lost myself.
But I left him and eventually found my Fiance. My first failed marriage (if that’s what you want to call it since he was away at training and deployed 3 out of the 4 years) gave me such wonderful appreciation for a GOOD man and my Fiance is incredible and our relationship is amazing. We have helped eachother find who we truly are. We grow together and it’s for the better. He gives me space to grow and I do the same for him. We compliment eachother in the best ways and bring out each others best qualities and are making eachother better people together.
I say it depends on the relationship but you do need your 20s to grow and find out who you are. If my Fiance had asked me to marry him before he did I would have had to decline, I wasn’t ready and neither was he. But by the time he asked we were both ready. So now our time limit has changed and we will be married at 26 and kids around 30