"Your 20's are about discovering who you are" Agree? Disagree?

posted 7 years ago in 20 Something
  • poll: Do you believe your 20's are when you discover who you really are?
    I agree : (198 votes)
    73 %
    I disagree : (40 votes)
    15 %
    other : (34 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 62
    Member
    2838 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Do I think our 20s are entirely about finding ourselves? No. Not entirely. But do I think we end up finding out a lot about ourselves during our 20s? Yes, sure. But I have seen that happen at every stage of life. Every ten years we are different than we were ten years prior.  And what we want to happen (i.e. plans we make such as beiber’s “I want to be married at 25”) doesn’t always line up with real life.  The “right” age to marry is different for every person, IMO.

    Post # 63
    Member
    2638 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2006

    I agree. I’m in my late 20s now and can’t believe how different my husband and I both are from when we were married. Thankfully we’ve grown together and like very much who we’ve become.

    Post # 64
    Member
    2966 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I think you will discover yourself at all stages in life. It doesn’t matter what your status is. 

    Post # 65
    Member
    983 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I agree that those years are very formative but I also think that self discovery is an on going process. I think that real growth happens when you need to dig deep and find some kind of strength you didn’t know you had and that can happen at any point in one’s life. I think your teens and 20’s are great for trying on different hats and figuring out what makes you tick but it is not essential to do it as a single person. My older sister was single until she was 24 and she loved that time. She said that she raelly got to know herself and I think that’s great. I’m currently 24 and I’ve been in 3 significant relationships with a smattering of bad dates and sloppy make outs in between.I dated my high school sweetheart from 16 to 18, then my inbetweener from 18-nearly 20 and then my current significant other from 20-now. I’ve always been in a relationship or attached to somebody and I feel like that’s just how I am. I think I naturally want to be attached to people. I like the companionship. I will say that while in a relationship, I do think retaining your independence and nurturing your own passions and interests is hugely important.  But I don’t feel like I’m underdeveloped because I haven’t spent much time being single. I think that studying what I wanted to study, finding my voice, running a popular political blog, jumping in feet first in running my own business, taking chances and navigating heartbreak is how I really found myself. I hope to keep discovering things about myself as I age.

    Post # 66
    Member
    1684 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I agree.  Your 20s are the only time in your life that you have disposable income, almost no responsibilities, and the energy to do anything.  You should move to the city/country, travel, meet people from all walks of life, try out hobbies, and spend all your money on ridiculous things.  As you come out of it, you can enter adulthood with no regrets!

    Being married doesn’t prevent you from these things, but it makes it harder.  Equate it to school: you don’t need a college education, but it sure makes it harder.

    My FH and I broke up for a little while after college so we could pursue our own dreams.  It’s what has made me so sure of him now.  I lived out everything I had hoped for and pursued my passions.  And those passions led me right back to him 🙂

    Post # 67
    Member
    3356 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I don’t think that one needs to wait until they’re 30 to start considering marriage, and I agree with the sentiment of growing together with your SO/FI/DH and stuff, but I think I would find that I would have had a lot more freedom to do my self-discovery if I wasn’t in a relationship. It’s one thing if your partner lets you be yourself, but I feel that in the context of self-discovery, having a partner is restricting.

    don’t get me wrong – I love my Darling Husband and would never trade him for anything, and he does let me be me, but if I wanted to go on a self-discovery adventure, I would rather do it alone, single, no partner, unmarried. I would only have myself to care about, which is what I think self discovery is all about. the question is: how would I be able to discover myself if I had to care about how someone else felt about my journey?

    @BeachBride2014:  Being married doesn’t prevent you from these things, but it makes it harder.  Equate it to school: you don’t need a college education, but it sure makes it harder.

    You said it best.

    Post # 68
    Member
    9132 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    It’s funny that all the ladies arguing “no” are too young to know better…  I probably wouldn’t have listened at that age either.

    I think you *can* get married young and grow / change complimentarily rather than apart, but it’s difficult and necessitates having a very strong, mutually supportive relationship.

    Post # 69
    Member
    1684 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @strawbs:  +1

    “but if I wanted to go on a self-discovery adventure, I would rather do it alone, single, no partner, unmarried. I would only have myself to care about, which is what I think self discovery is all about.”

    I so agree with this!  You need to go outside your comfort zone to figure yourself out.

    Post # 70
    Member
    6238 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    I agree that a lot of self discovery does happen in your 20s because that is when you are done growing and out in the real world. I also believe, though, that you can discover things aobut yourself with someone else as long as it is the right person, and also that you never stop learning about yourself- it’s not like when you hit 30, you suddenly become enlightened

    Post # 71
    Member
    853 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Im 20. I don’t think that my 20’s is about discovering who I am, in fact, I think i know myself and my life goals pretty well. Maybe it just depends on the person

    Post # 72
    Member
    5667 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I voted that I agree, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t think you can’t continue down the road of self discovery with a partner. Ideally you’re still evolving and learning well into later life as well. If your spouse is stifling that then they’re likely not a good match for you, no matter what the age.

    Post # 73
    Member
    1652 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Yes certainly your early 20s. I was married at 28 though and am still discovering a bit more about myself all the time – now 30!

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