Post # 1
We got married very recently, and our first steps into married life have been great. We’re continuing to learn about each other and build our relationship, and I thought it would be interesting to hear advice from other married people to newlyweds. From what I’ve read, the first year is beautiful, but also challenging. Your thoughts?
Post # 2
It is a challenging year. What helped us was to communicate regularly and as freely as possible, to have relationship check-ins, and to remember that our commitment to each other, and our love for each other, was greater and stronger when we faced challenges together. And be silly now and then. It’s great fun!!
Post # 3
I don’t know why people consider the first year hard but advice for that year and any other year is to be kind and build memories! A love that lasts is built through love, shared experiences, compromise and making each other a priority.
Post # 4
It depends if your first year of marriage is your first year living together too. If it’s not, then marriage won’t change anything.
If it’s your first year living together as well, then there may be some adjusting with getting use to living with the other person, getting into a routine, etc. Good communication and compromising is the key!
Post # 5
We didn’t live together before marriage and the first year was a breeze! Have fun, communicate, and remember that there will be days you don’t always like each other. I firmly believe that love is a choice and even when we are arguing, I make the conscious decision to love him every single day. The first year goes by so fast!
Post # 6
Our first anniversary is just around the corner but this helps us:
Make time to laugh about silly things, to cuddle & to talk about worries,complaints, compliments or any improvements you’ve made.
Humour is the best tool to defuse problems. Also reaching out to hold your DH’s hand halfway through an argument to signal that you don’t want to fight anymore and that you care about him. Obviously not an expert in marriage after ten months but that’s what we’ve learned so far!
Post # 7
Listen and be slow to anger. Listening and holding my tongue before speaking on my feelings have helped in so many discussions with my husband. It’s a partnership and you both have to show up everyday to make it work.
Post # 8
We’re right around the corner from our first anniversary, but my advice is similar to several other posters.
Be an active listener. I think there is a difference between just listening to someone and really hearing what they have to say. Along with this, apologize if you have hurt their feelings and mean it.
Always be kind. I think this goes without saying but sometimes you need a reminder anyway. My DH got very sick immediately following our wedding. It was very scary, and upsetting to watch his body be unresponsive to treatment. He was never mean to me but you could feel the anger he felt for being so sick and feeling like he was letting me down. I was exhausted, between rushing him to the emergency room dozens of times and doctors appointments and taking care of our pets and every chore at home plus work, but I always made the choice to be kind to him and not get frustrated in return to his own frustration. It would have been easy to get snappy with him, but it wouldn’t have helped. I definitely think the way I reacted in the situation played a part in his own reaction, as he suffers from depression as well, and made it easier for him to accept the diagnoses.
Post # 10
Learn the values of patience and compromise. You have chosen this person to be your life partner. There’s no threatening to leave every time he hurts your feelings. He’ll occasionally do it to you, and you’ll occasionally do it to him. Marriage doesn’t change the fact that you’re human. It won’t take away existing problems. It will however give incentive to find better ways to resolve them.
I don’t mean for this to be a negative post btw. There are a lot of Bees who spout off about rather insignificant things that are supposedly ruining their relationships. The first year of marriage is not a time to sweat the small stuff. It’s a time to work together on the big stuff.
Post # 11
Thank you everyone!
Don’t worry, your post didn’t sound negative – at all. It’s very good advice, and I completely agree. Thank you!
Post # 12
Be nice to each other. No matter how irritable you may be or how bad your day may have been, don’t take it out on your partner.
Post # 13
If you live together, things won’t be too different.
Be kind to one another. Love each other deeply and tell it to each other often — Even if you’re mad at one another.
Two people won’t always get along. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you need to like them or approve of what they’re doing. Learn to pick your battles, not every hill is fit to die on.
Post # 14
Lots of the posts already have talked a lot about communicating and I must say I agree 100% with that. We’re four days shy of two months in so I’m by no means an expert of any kind but I have learned that it takes a certain amount of humility to make a marriage work.
Never forget that you’re in this together now; always communicate freely; always give freely. And really, that old piece of advice about never going to be angry is totally super key. If you can’t talk it out with each other before bed, at least make sure you take time to cool your own head. Tomorrow is a new day, you’re bound to see things differently if you’re willing to diffuse the anger before you sleep.
And never forget that you’re human too! Working on our own problems first makes a world of difference. You can’t change him but you can change you!
Post # 15
We’re not married (yet) but when we had our first arguement a few weeks back. It wasn’t terrible, but I was so upset over the mere fact that we’d even had an argument (that was my fault) and I was so teary. I struggled for a few days until he said “It happens. I’m not going to say it won’t happen again, but we were fine afterwards, weren’t we?” And he’s right. It will never be intentional, but I’ll hurt his feelings, he’ll hurt mine, we’ll get stronger 🙂