Post # 1
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
Urgh, this is mostly just to vent because it is super annoying to me!
My fiance and I love kids, we do, we are both teachers and we plan to have a baby as soon as we can but we don’t want kids at our wedding. It’s a black-tie, open bar, evening wedding at a country club. It’s not kid friendly and we don’t want kids to attend. We don’t want to deal with them and we don’t want to entertain them. It’s as simple as that. It drives me crazy that everyone seems to think they are the exception to the rule.
Today, I opened my e-mail to find a note from a wedding guest.
” We heard from you FMIL that you are having an adults only wedding reception. We totally understand not wanting kids at your wedding but, you cannot possibly mean infants right? We are sure you don’t mind if we bring the baby but we just wanted to be sure!”
I just don’t understand why everybody seems to think that their baby/child is the exception to this. I understand that this means some people will not be comftorable coming to the wedding, and that is fine, no hard feelings. But, I am not making exceptions for anyone. I don’t want to cave to someone who is not respecting our wishes and trying to get their way at our wedding and then hurt someone elses feelings who respected our wishes for the wedding we want to have.
I mostly just needed to vent about this. I’ve seen similar posts about it from other bees!
Post # 3
Member
9239 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Well, how old is the baby? In their defense, it’s really pretty hard to leave a 0-4 month old baby alone for even one evening… breast-feeding, super fussy, haven’t figured out babysitters yet, etc etc. If you have guests with young infants, I wouldn’t be surprised if they decline.
But regardless, that’s a pretty annoyingly pushy email.
Post # 4
Member
2876 posts
Sugar bee
I thi k its because often babies under 6 months (or at least under 3)are made the exception to the rule .
Older kids, i dont know why they think theyd be an exception
Post # 5
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
That’s a pretty rude email.
If the couple has an infant, they might just have to decline. Sucks but it is what it is. I don’t understand either why some people always think they are the exception.
Post # 6
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
Yeah, young babies are breastfeeding constantly.
The guest didn’t word it well, but it’s a valid question – clarify however you feel comfortable. If it’s a no-go, say so.
Post # 7
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
I get that having a 0-4 month old makes it hard to attend a wedding, but I am sure they turn down invitations for parties to stay with their children all the time. What makes a wedding different?
Post # 8
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
@lolot: The baby is 9-months old and in regards to this particular family they have a full time nanny who they left the baby with for a weekend to go on a vacation, so I don’t think that is a problem for them.
But, I totally understand people not wanting to leave their little baby, I really do, and I could see myself turning down invitations to stuff when I have a baby for the same reason. I would never be upset with somebody who said we just cannot come and leave the baby or we are just going to come to the ceremony or even we will have to leave early, right after dinner. All those things would be fine but nothing irritates me more than people being pushy!
I know that sounds super harsh but I was always just brought up that something like that is rude.
Post # 9
Member
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
@March1stBride: For me it was ESPECIALLY NO INFANTS! They cry, A LOT! thats no fun for anyone!
I am curious as to what you are going to say back! Good luck!
Post # 10
Member
6549 posts
Bee Keeper
@March1stBride: I wouldn’t make this an exception to the rule because if they come to the ceremony, they might cry or winge (which is understandable, babies can be fussy or uncomfortable) and I wouldn’t want a crying baby ruining my wedding video. And @lolot: is right, its hard to leave a baby thats only a few months old home alone, so in that case, if I were that couple I wouldn’t go, and I wouldn’t have sent that email, it was rude, an Adult Reception is clear, no kids! I would find a nice way to tell them, sorry but no kids/babies.
Post # 11
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
Infants CRY one big reason we aren’t having kids at ours. At least a 6/7 year old could be quiet if forced during a ceremony, there’s no control over an infant crying. Tell her I’m sorry but we are making no exceptions because then we have to make an exception for everyone and you understand if they’re unable to attend because you know their child’s needs come first. Be happy she emailed you so you have time to respond and were not put on the spot in person or on a phone call:) End of story. I’m so over people thinking no kids doesn’t apply to their kids. I completely get your frustration I’ve had it also without no kids wedding planning.
Post # 12
Member
1462 posts
Bumble bee
This email would annoy the hell out of me. Instead of trying to be the exception, they should decline. Such pushy wording!
Post # 13
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
@Daizy914: ++++++ 1 saw this after my post, exactly my thoughts
Post # 14
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
If they left the baby for a weekend vacation, I can’t see one night being a big deal!
Post # 15
Member
5480 posts
Bee Keeper
Breastfeeding infants are typically an exception, but if this is an older baby who has already been left with a nanny or sitter for extended periods of time, they should be able to do the same for your wedding. They can decline the invitation if they choose not to.
In regards to newborns crying… the brand new ones usually just eat and sleep. My brother’s girlfriend brought their 4 month old baby to our wedding and we didn’t even realize it until halfway through the reception! She nursed during the ceremony and slept for the next 2 hours.
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