(Closed) Your child is not invited…what is so hard about that?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 122
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@March1stBride:  um there should be no ‘exception’ to this rule. You have a baby. Your baby is so young, you cant leave them at home.

Guess what? Looks like you have to RSVP no because you have more important obligations. That’s life. 

Sorry, I have no patience for people like that!

Post # 123
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@March1stBride:  Stick your guns and say ‘No’ (polietly of course … not that their email to you was, but you can rise aboveWink).  I really wish I could commit to kid free.  If I wasn’t able to leave my infant/kid for a period of time for whatever reason, I would just decline, not push myself onto someone else (for a wedding or other function).  I’m not a fan of kids at weddings.  I was recently at a wedding where a guests’ baby cried the entire ceremony – and the mother just sat there.  I certainly didn’t hear any of the vows/ceremony, and can’t imagine the videography had any better luck capturing the moment.  I truly never gave it much thought before, but after addressing our guest invites to ‘families’ (and secretly praying they will leave the kid at home to enjoy a nice, ADULT’ night out), Fiance and I have both said, when we have kids we’re either taking a night out for ourselves and leaving the kid at home for invites to events like this, or we just won’t go!

Post # 124
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@cantonbride:  Hosts don’t need an excuse to exclude children from events. If they don’t want to invite them, they are not obligated to do so. Guests are free to accept or decline any invitation but they are not entitled to challenge, attempt to change or demand exceptions or explanations about the terms of the invitation. 

Post # 125
Member
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Zhabeego:  when did I say they werent? Just confused about reasoning for it

Post # 127
Member
2454 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I mean, I could have understood if she was asking if her tiny infant who is breastfeeding could attend but if not she understands…

But given that she has left the kid for a weekend already, it’s older than 6 months, she asked in a rude way, and now she’s basically trying to work around it by bringing a nanny?  This woman is insane.  (Or possibly ex-stepfather is pushing her cause he wants to show his brand new kid off?)

I agree with others- if she replies back with and more “compromises,” just write back that you’re sorry they won’t be attending.

Post # 128
Member
311 posts
Helper bee

FANTASTIC response, I will have to keep that on file in case anything comes up.

 We also were shocked by how many people seemed to think “adult only” was something open to interpretation.  My FI’s aunt tried to negotiate with us to allow JUST his cousin’s two children (7 and 11 – the ages we were most against attending) to come.  Because obviously no one in my family who left their children at home would be upset by that! They also asked if we would make them flower girls so they could “get around” the no kids ban by being in the wedding party. We stood our ground though.

 I made sure to talk directly to any of my friends who had babies/ young kids well in advance to make it clear that there would be no exceptions.  So far it seems to have settled, but it was sure rocky for a while!

Same as many of the other bees, most of my friends were pumped to have a desginated adult only date night without the kids.

Post # 129
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@cantonbride:  As others have said before, sometimes when adults have imbibed a bit too much, we tend to forget about the little ones present.  Just as a club isn’t an appropriate place for children to be, a wedding can take on many of the same characteristics.  Stumbling over a child, profane language, “lewd” dancing, etc…. It all depends on your crowd and environment you’re going for.  

 

Growing up, there were many parties/events I wasn’t allowed to go on because they were considered adult events.  This is no different.

Edit: Just to clarify, my post is STRICTLY in regards to the open bar question. Nothing to do with OP’s reasons. Hers are her own and it doesn’t matter if what reason she doesn’t want kids there. She’s totally entitled to it! =)

Post # 130
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

A kid is a kid is a kid.  Infant, three year old, ten year old, or otherwise.  I don’t understand how anyone could consider an infant not a child.  

It’s understandable that leaving an infant behind to attend a wedding is difficult, but that’s why there’s a “decline” option on the RSVP.  Chances are, the person sending the invitation knows if the guest has a newborn and will realize that they may not be attending the wedding as a result.  Some parents have yet to come to the realization that their child is not as important to everyone else as he/she is to them, and having a child doesn’t automatically mean people should accommodate you whenever a situation is less than ideal for you.  I just have zero tolerance for people not respecting others’ wishes, especially when it comes to one of the biggest days of their life.  People need to stop making everything about themselves, and if you have a kid and can’t attend the wedding because of it, then respectfully decline and just say child care is your issue – If the person inviting you throws a fit bc you can’t come, then you can get snarky. Otherwise, keep your opinions to yourself.

Sorry for just going on a rant – This is the result of having too many pushy people try to influence my wedding.  Anyway, this email you posted may have been genuine and I could see this person actually thinking that you considered them an exception, but even so, that’s still assuming and annoying.  I feel ya!

Post # 131
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Syzygy88:  Blech. The world really needs to be spared from the self-righteous mommy-bloggers. They all rehash the same tired subjects as if they’re new and even remotely interesting. It’s especially painful when they try to be all hip and edgy.

As for this particular blogger, I think she’s lying through her teeth about coming across an article from a childless woman who simply can’t understand why parents prioritize their kids over hanging out with friends. Which is why she didn’t link to said article. It was just an excuse to rant about those clueless childless people who spend their empty, immature lives hanging out at the club.

Please.

Post # 132
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2000

We recieved two wedding invites when our first was 2 months old. H flew to the one in which he was a groomsman and I attended the local ceremony. I left our daughter with Mother-In-Law with a bottle of breast milk and only attended the ceremony. The ceremony is the most important part for me anyways. It was a 1.5 drive but the 1 hour orthodox ceremony was well worth it. They need to either politely decline or perhaps just attend part of the event using a trusted family member as sitter.  Problem solved. I would assume, no children means no children. 

 

Post # 133
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Zhabeego:  +100000000000000

What I wonder is if anyone saw the irony in this blogger’s post about how little time she has, and yet she has enough time to write this novel of a rant about how difficult her life is because she has children.  

She made the decision to have children; she needs to suck it up.  It’s no one’s problem but her own and no one, especially the “childless” folks she wants to care, gives a crap about her problems when she frames them in that manner.  Everyone has problems; everyone runs around like a crazy person, everyone loses their mind, some on a daily basis, and not all of those people have children.  She and every other parent like her need to get over themselves.

Post # 135
Member
7369 posts
Busy Beekeeper

The utter gall of this board is crazy. I’m also waiting with baited breath at her response. Sorry breeders, every event isn’t made for and such is life. I hope to be a mom someday and can assure you I would never be this clueless and tacky.

Post # 136
Member
1504 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You have handled yourself like a pro. I am anxiously waiting for the response, eeeee!

 

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