(Closed) Your guide on how to have a healthy, lasting relationship.

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Great list! I agree communication and independence are key.  I’d add TRUST to your list, as well. 

Post # 5
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012





When you have expectations and you do not voice them to your SO, this can only lead to disappointment.




I’m talking about everything – gifts for each other, holidays, chores, sex, everything. 



Then also learn to be flexible.  LOL

Post # 6
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This could vary for other couples, but for us, laughing together is a major thing. We have a ton of fun just being silly together, so much so that people would probably think we were crazy if they videotaped some of our antics or conversations 🙂

The stuff mentioned above, too.

Post # 7
4278 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Communication – especially talking it out if something upsets us or is a problem

Appreciation for one another and our contributions

Independence (two different people)

Trust/Faith – believe in each other

Quality Time – spending time actually together, not just in the same place

Post # 8
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Communication is number 1-My belief is that there should be no secrets in a marriage. Everything should be discussed pre engagement (like if/when/how many kids, religious beliefs, all expectations). Talk about what is bothering you no matter what, no keeping things in. Talk can make or break a relationship.

Trust-You have to trust the person you are with, it makes the whole relationship painful when you don’t trust the person, especially if they haven’t given you a reason not to. 

Appreciation-You have to appreciate the person you are with and what they do, and you have to show that appreciation or they feel used and invisible

Independence-Of course each of you have to have a life outside of your partner, it doesn’t have to be major but keeping seperate personalities is very important

Compromise-Took me a while to learn this one. You can’t always be right and everything isn’t always going to go your way. You have to learn to let them win sometimes and you have to give in sometimes. My God mother made a speech at out wedding on just this topic. Saying to my husband “You know she’s strong headed and you two will butt heads. You have to remember every morning when you wake up… You can be right… Or you can be happy…” she of course added a “just kidding” and told me I have to let him win sometimes too which I have been doing even before the speech and it’s shown major healthy changes in our relationship.

Work- It takes a lot of work to keep a relationship healthy and happy and it’s easy to slip into a rut where everything is routine and you are more friends than anything else. The spark doesn’t naturally stay in a relationship. People have asked how we still have such an intimate and romantic relationship after nearly 4 years and it’s simply answered. We work at it. When we haven’t gone out and done something just the two of us in a while, we will do it. We will go out to a restaurant, we will go to the city for drinks and to go to the bar just the two of us, we will pull the car over in the woods (we live in a small town and know the places, would not recommend this to someone who didn’t know safe places) and well… Have fun. We work on our relationship every day. It isn’t something that just happens naturally without any work. It takes a lot of effort to keep the spark alive in a relationship but it’s worth every second of it.

Laughter- Through all of our struggles, in the beginning with money and here lately with my health issues, with serious family issues, through it all we have laughed. We make eachother laugh and we help eachother through anything that we are going through, mainly through laughter… Which brings me to my next one…

Support- We aren’t always gonna have a SO that is strong about every thing that happens, they will have weak moments. We are all humans. There may be a time where they lose their job, there may be a time when they get depressed and can not work for months at a time. I understand this is a major factor for some women but the thing is, our SOs aren’t a bank, they are more than the money they bring home. Sometimes they need to take that break, sometimes they can not support us for some time, sometimes we may have to support them, but they should do the same for us if we need it. It helps build the relationship, it helps build the trust. And granted it can get frustrating at times but you should never let money effect your marriage. No ammount of money can buy a healthy happy marriage, so why should any ammount of money destroy a healthy and happy marriage? I’m not saying marry a dead beat but I am saying to be understanding of the time they are going through and help them get through it.

That’s about the jest of it for me, what I can think of at least. I’ve had my fair share of all of the above and have seen what has helped and hurt our relationship and we learn by our mistakes. I’m not saying this applies to everyone but at least in my relationship it’s helped wonders, and I’ve never been so sure of anyone in my life as I am my husband.


Post # 9
2379 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m going to list my non-obvious ones:

Fighting fair – we raise our voices, we get pissed off, but we don’t fight dirty.  If I think my brain to mouth filter is starting to fail, I’ll tell him that I need 10 minutes and we’ll continue afterwards.  He does the same for me.  We don’t bring up past fights.  We’ve also agreed that if we choose to let something go, then it’s not fair to bring it up later.  So if I choose to not say something about not emptying the dishwasher when it happens, then I don’t get to say 6 months later “you never empty the dishwasher”.

We have each other’s backs – I will defend him to my dying breath in public, even when he’s wrong.  He does the same for me.  In PRIVATE, I’ll tell him that I disagree, but to the outside world, particularly to our families, we are a unified front. 

We laugh – With each other and at each other.  We’re silly, we’re snarky and sarcastic.  We’re also both clumsy.  We totally laugh at each other’s falls once we establish that nothing important has been broken. 

Post # 10
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

1. Encouragement and support. Seriously. With both of us being in school and having some huge deadlines, we are each other’s biggest cheer leaders and support. That’s important. I also know it’s important to my husband for me to cheer him on in the little things. For instance: we got a new bluray player the other day. I asked if I could help set it up, and he said now, just tell me how awesome I am when it’s done in 5 minutes. While he was half joking, I also know that the thrives on that encouragement and praise.


2. Be honest. There’s nothing worse than distrust in a relationship.


3. Sacrifice. While on a limited income, we go out of our way to make sure each other has what they need. When we have extra, we try to spoil the other person.


That’s my big three.

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