(Closed) Your Invited!!….to only the ceremony….

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it wrong to invite guest to the ceremony and not the reception?
    Not at all! Save the money and the stress : (13 votes)
    6 %
    YES! It's rude. : (169 votes)
    82 %
    Tread softy (explain below) : (25 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9056 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I voted tread softly because depending on what type of ceremony you’re having there’s sometimes a given that a ceremony is an open mass that anyone can attend. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    1668 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Honestly, I’d be a bit upset and probably wouldn’t go to the ceremony. My thought behind it is, if I’m not good enough for you to want me at the party, why should I spend my time at the ceremony? If you can afford to feed 120 people, then that’s who you invite.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1086 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I think it’s (no offense) rude to only invite them to see you get married but not to see the cake cutting, not to see the first dance, be able to dance and laugh with the rest.

    Perhaps a different option would be a non open bar and possibly appetizers and snacks instead of a full on meal to feed all? Fiance and I are opting for a buffet style reception with tons of finger foods and deserts. Our list will be about 150 but our budget will only be about 5,000 tops so if we can do it, anyone can.

    To ask someone to sit in silence and watch you marry him and leave only 30 minutes later and not be invited to the reception seems to be a bit harsh. If people are that insistant on being a part of the ceremony that you can’t cut the guest list, they should be understanding in not having full meals and only snacks.

    Besides neither my Fiance or myself have ever been to a wedding that was anything but feed yourself. It’s a lot more common now, a lot more accepted and a lot less money.

    Post # 6
    Member
    802 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @Fall_In_Love22:  agreed.

    If they can’t come to both they shouldn’t come to either. It’s a wedding, everyone and their mom shouldn’t be invited. 120 is IMO the perfect size for a wedding

    Post # 7
    Member
    4887 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I would not attend if I was only invited to the ceremony.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1240 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Could you do lighter food, and add some more people? Heavy snacks? Finger foods?

    Post # 9
    Member
    3220 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    No.  I’ve been on the “B-list” for just a ceremony and it feels really shitty when you realize more than half the people at the ceremony are going to a party afterward that you weren’t invited to.  I would have MUCH rather not been invited at all and it left a really sour taste in my mouth regarding my relationship with the girl and her now-husband. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    2006 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I would do the A-list B-list thing.  Meaning send out invites early enough that when you get some Nos, you can send invites to people on the backup list.

    ETA: my B-list isn’t the same type of B-list that the PP right before me posted.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2697 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I would be extremely offended.

    Post # 13
    Member
    4275 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    Yeah… I don’t think it is right, the reception is a thank you to your guests for coming to the wedding….

    Try to find a way to cut costs elsewhere.

    Post # 14
    Member
    4464 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    Just on top of what the PP’s said, I’ve heard that the reception is a thank you to the guests for coming out to see you get married. If it’s an open mass, or something like that, then anyone really can come, invitation or not. However, I wouldn’t send out any actual invites for anything less than the whole thing. After that, other types of reception options, like PP’s mentioned, are good ideas. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    7902 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    Honestly, you cannot invite people to just the ceremony, but if the ceremony is in a house of worship or a public place (so not a hotel, country club, rented space, etc.), then there is nothing stopping people from watching. Most houses of worship require that the ceremony be open, especially to members of the house of worship. However, there’s really no way to invite people under those conditions. All I can think you could do is put on the wesbite something like “Ceremony Open to the Public.” 

    Post # 16
    Member
    3220 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    You need to clamp down on Fiance inviting people.  Show him how much it costs per person for your wedding.  Make an invite list, a detailed spreadsheet, with all of the expenses you will need– maybe when he realizes he is throwing away $50 or whatnot every time he invites another person, he’ll start cutting back. 

     

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