Post # 1
Well, I had an interesting conversation today while at the store. Thought I’d bring it onto the Bee and get your opinion, as you ladies can always offer very diverse viewpoints on this kind of topic. As already stated, I was shopping at the store today with the SO. He dissapeared for a bit of time in search of some things he needed. A women in the same aisle struck up a conversation with me and it lead to my relationship (honestly, I can’t even really explain how it ended up on the general topic). She was very nice and said kind things about SO’s and I’s dynamic (from what she could see). She asked how long we had been dating (4 1/2 years) if we lived together (for 8 months) and how old we currently are (23 and soon to be 24).
Well, sure enough, she questioned me about marriage. She was so kind during this conversation, so I thought I would share it with her. I told her that SO and I were probably looking to get engaged in another year and a half. So, based on that time frame and the average year it takes to plan and have a wedding, that would land on us getting married when I’m 25 and he’s 26. At this point she went from kind and sweet to very judgemental. So I basically found any excuse to get the heck out of there.
She said that was too young, you don’t know who you are at 25 and 26, you’ll make a mistake, wait until you’re 30, etc. Now, I’m not asking for advice. I know my opinion, I know my relationship security, and I feel confident in this timeline. However, I am interested in how the Bee feels about this.
So what do YOU think Bee’s? Is 25 and 26 too early to be married? Voice your opinion down bellow, your experiences, and your basis behind your ideas/opinions. 🙂
Post # 2
I think it is too bad that our society has decided that the twenties are to be an extended adolescence. 25 is fine.
Post # 4
Well i sure hope it’s not because I’ll be 25 on my wedding day.
Post # 5
I think it depends very much on the individuals in the relationship and other various factors.
I grew up in a small, very religious town. The majority of my friends got married before 25. Some of them seemed absolutly ready for it and have been happily married (some now with kids) for a few years. Others I raised an eyebrow at and I have quite a few friends/aquiantances who are already divorced and a few who are even on marriage #2 before 25. They all also got married after only knowing thier SOs for a few months though so that also factors into things.
I got engaged at 25 and married at 26. While I feel 100% secure in my marriage and have absolutly no doubts, I do feel like it was young to get married! But we’d been together for 7 years when we got engaged (8 when we got married), both had bachelor’s degrees, I have a masters, he was accepted into PhD program, we have jobs, we support ourselves. We’d done some traveling. We had fun, wild (for us, we aren’t super wild people!) years. We didn’t live together before getting engaged but moved in together after the engagement. I absolutly felt ready even though I felt young.
Basically, I think there are just too many factors to say a definite yes or no. Some people are ready, some people aren’t.
Post # 6
Honestly I think it’s more about when you get together. It’s much harder to grow into your own person when you’ve got another person to accommodate in your life. Who cares if you’re married or just in an extremely committed relationship- you’ll both have a huge influence on each other and who you become as an adult.
My fiancé and I started dating when I was 19 and he was 26. Admittedly, very young to start a serious relationship and if I were to give advice to another 19yo I’d say it’s too young, but obviously there are exceptions to every rule and I didn’t follow my own advice. I did move out on my own to another state when I was barely 17, and have always been an “old soul” and very independent. But some of my friends got together with their men that young and really had no idea who they were outside of being their parent’s daughters, and to me it shows in that now they have very different interests, hobbies, and viewpoints from when they first started dating.
I made it a huge priority in our relationship to do my “own things” and follow my passions. Particularly because he was older and had already lived through certain life events, sometimes that meant fighting to not take his advice because I wanted to try things my way. I certainly never gave up an opportunity for the sake of “us”. But it would have been easier if we could have met each other after I graduated college.
I also think that there’s a huge difference between getting married in your early twenties after a brief fling, and being with someone for 5 years and living together for a long stretch of that. I think if you can make it 2 years living with someone and still be excited for the wedding, you’ve got a pretty good shot at making marriage work.
Post # 7
Before 25, too young. 25+ totally fine. Especially for women. Men… 25+is okay for some.. 30+ is better for others.. men emotionaly mature slower..
Post # 8
For me and my life, 25 would have been far too young.
For others and their lives, up to them. Some are ready for such a commitment, others not.
Judging strangers is simply rude. Supporting friends or having concerns when you know the situation is another thing.
Post # 9
I’ll be 23 when I get married so I’m going to go with no. I’ve known people in their 30s that got married and then quickly divorced. It all depends on the people involved in the relationship. I know marriage isn’t always easy but I feel pretty secure in my relationship to know that it will last as long as the two people put in the effort
Post # 10
Totally depends on the couple. A couple could be ready at 21. Some may be ready much later. But honestly saying 25 and 26 (!) year olds are “way” to young is just ridiculous. I know we are in the age of extended adolescence but come on.
People are so judgemental about the weirdest things, and you just can’t win especially as a women. It’s like if you marry before 27 you are crazy/stupid, if you are 28 and not married you are a dried up old crone. I mean really, it’s ridiculous.
Post # 11
Well I’ll be 27 and my fiancé will be 25 when we get married so I sure hope not! It works for us and I don’t care what anyone else thinks.
Post # 12
I got married my first time at 23. It was far too young for me. Things ended when I was 29. We just weren’t the same people as we used to be. I also know people who got together in middle school, got married right after high school and are still together.
Post # 13
Very interesting viewpoint that I find so important. SO and I started dating our freshmen year of college. However, neither of us wanted to be in a relationship. We were afraid of it preventing us from learning about ourselves, as seperate individuals. But we wanted to try. I’m so glad to say that our relationship takes individual time VERY seriously. I hang out with friends without him, I’ll do my own things, go my own places, etc. He does the same, too. And that has been so important to us understanding who we are, OUTSIDE of our relationship. An individual can’t be in a successful relationship without knowing who they are. So I love this advice, as I feel many couples don’t think about it. And it’s SO important to consider this and act on it, especially when it comes to growing and maturing as an individual.
Post # 14
I agree on this. No matter what kind of answer I give someone, judgement will always follow. I live with my boyfriend? ‘But you don’t have a ring, he won’t marry you! Bad decision!’ I don’t live with my boyfriend? ‘But how will you know you can live with him? You’ll be making a huge mistake if you don’t’.
Post # 15
Thanks for the insight! I’ve thought about this, as well. I know my SO will not be the same person at 29 or 30 that he is now, at 24. But I expect that. I expect him to change and to grow, but always fundementally be HIM at his core. I’ve been able to watch him grow from 19-24 and it’s been wonderful to see. He is NOT the same person he was at 19, not even close. But I love who he’s grown into even more than the 19 year old him.