(Closed) Your Opinion: Is 25 too young to be getting married?

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Is 25/26 too young to get married?

    Yes, much too young. You can't make an informed decision.

    No, 25 is perfectly okay. You have a pretty good understanding of who you are by then.

    It depends on the couple and the relationship.

  • Post # 31
    Member
    742 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    I was 32 when I got married and DH was 29. I still honestly feel like we’re kinda young. Even though we were both established had careers, owned our own houses and one together etc. We both come from (different) small towns were people get
    married right out of high school (or even in high school) because their religion forbids sex before marriage. I’ve noticed two things in these cases. 1. The divorce rate is pretty high, the less education the higher. 2. Those who have stayed together seem to have strained relationships that only revolve around their children. They typically aren’t doing so well financially (I have several woman who contact me regularly to ask if I have any clothes or shoes that might fit them or their kids). Some are still taking community college classes 15 years later. They have 0 work/life/balance and tend to live off family members or have moved to less safe areas which are cheaper.

    My friends who got married right out of college seem to have faired better. Not as much divorce, and they seem to have great relationships with their partners and while they are very involved with their kids and good parents, their lives and relationships don’t revolve around the kids. They’re starting to buy houses, most have decent jobs, are doing well in their careers and have a good work/life/balance.

    My friends who got married after grad school seem to be doing the best over all. Better off financially, own houses, have established careers, and in general seem to be the people you hate because they have it all.

    Even if I would have met him sooner, I don’t think I would have married him any earlier. It’s not that I wanted any type of extended adolescence or anything, I just didn’t know who I was on my own. At 25, I was so completely different. It’s great that you love who your BF has grown into and that he loves who you grew into. I personally at 32 would not want to live with the person I was dating at 25. And he wouldn’t want to live with me. We’re still friends and I ADORE his girl friend, but I grew as a person and found what’s truly important to me and he is still the same person he was at 27…which is the same person he was at 22 and 18. I feel horrible DH married in his 20’s personally. But since we aren’t having kids, nothing has changed. Just how we file our taxes 😉

    Post # 32
    Member
    3477 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

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    yourhandinmine :  I am so sorry that this woman thought she had any right to speak about your relationship.. I feel like 25/26 is a perfectly normal age to be getting married and not young in the slightest! We will be getting married at 24 so I guess our relationship is fucked then.. its a pity no wise random woman has approached me in a store and told me to wait.

    I think if you have been with someone for a decent amount of time, enough to really know them, there really isn’t an age that is “too young” to get married (within reason). No one would ever say “if you’re 35 you should wait to get married, because you and your boyfriend won’t be the same people when you’re 50, how do you know you will still be compatible?” But a lot of people seem to use that reasoning to warn early-20-somethings against marriage. People grow and change throughout EVERY stage of life, and if you’ve been able to do that together successfully thus far and aren’t rushing things, I don’t think age matters much at all. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    3807 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    I’m getting married at 25. It’s ridiculous to just say outright that it’s too young! It all depends on the relationship. You could have 25-year-olds who’ve only been going out for 6 months and still live with their parents or you could have 25-year-olds who have been together for years and have careers and a house. We’ve been together for 7 years so if we hadn’t figured out by now that we wanted to marry each other it’d be a bit concerning. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    1008 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    yourhandinmine :  I think it really depends on the people involved. One of my cousins and another friend both got married when they were 23/24, and they’re both still married (at 29/30) and seem very happy (I say seem because you never know what goes on behoind closed doors, but it seems like they’re loving being married).

    For me, personally, I would’ve been WAY too young at 25 to get married – I was going through a lot, not making great decisions, etc. I’m currently waiting and we’re getting engaged this year, and I’m feeling very solid about it and excited. I’m really glad I waited until 29/30, but it’s individual for everyone. 

    Generalizations are never a great idea – that lady was being rude to you!

    Post # 35
    Member
    475 posts
    Helper bee

     

    View original reply
    yourhandinmine :  

    I hope not, because we were 25 and 23 when we got married six months ago! I can understand 20 being considered “too young,” but that changes case to case.

    One friend was two months shy of 20 when she married, and eight years later they’re still going strong! Another married a 19 year old and while I believe they have a good marriage, he’s headstrong and a little immature and they’ll have to work a little harder. 

    I would MUCH rather grow and change as a person WITH my husband, as he grows and changes, than on my own. Learning each other is so exciting and I wouldn’t trade it. We did not live together before, for religious reasons, and I have no regrets there, either.

    My only regret is telling people how old we were when we got engaged! Lol. The same people who said we were “so young to be married!!!” are asking us now, 6 months later, when we’re having babies. -_- if I’m too young to be married, how come I’m old enough to have kids?? And then you have the other busybodies saying that you have to wait at LEAST 7 years, because that’s what THEY did. Pfff. We’ll do what we want. 😉

    Post # 36
    Member
    9357 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    yourhandinmine :  there is no perfect age. People are always changing so a marriage will have to grow and adjust at some point anyways. One of the best marriages in my group of friends have dated since high school and married during college (super young by northeast standards where most people I know get married around 30). They grew up together and they actually avoided a lot of the early marriage pains the rest of us had trying to adjust to no longer living alone and merging independent lives.

    Post # 37
    Member
    731 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    Everyone is different at 25.  I don’t think any of us can tell you whether that’s too young for you or not.  It was right for me and my husband (we got married last year just after his 30th and a month before my 26th birthday) but it wouldn’t have been right for my best friend at 25.  That’s okay.

    Post # 38
    Member
    2202 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2016

    Had you asked me that question one month after I had turned 20, I’d have agreed with the woman. Two months after I turned 20, I met my husband. We married two weeks after I turned 26 and three weeks before his 26th birthday. We can’t really help when we met. Neither of us imagined this would happen, neither of us were in a position to really get into a relationship but you can’t plan these things.

    I’m not going to say that we will continue to grow together because I can’t guarantee that. However, I don’t believe that you can continue to grow together at any age, it’s a choice to continue growing together.  You just gotta take a risk on this person, like you would at any point in your life.

    We had just returned from our honeymoon and DH had a meeeting with a client and his colleague casually mentioned that DH had just returned from honeymoon. The client says he’s too young to be married and asks how old he is, when DH says 25 she says it’s not too bad but she think people should wait until they’re 30. OK lady who keeps referring to my husband by the wrong name and gives unsolicited opinions based on a 30 second interaction, which doesn’t take into account DH’s personality, the length of our relationship, his personal goals or his religious and personal beliefs – DH will pay attention solely to you and go straight home and divorce his wife of two and a half weeks!

    Post # 39
    Member
    4230 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I think it’s a gamble to get married right out of college (college is a bubble and it’s hard to know if you are compatible in the real world when in college).  Sure it CAN work, but out of the numerous people I know who got married right out of school, a handful have already gotten divorced because they grew up and realized that it was a mistake.  25, however, is a different story.  22-25 is a period of a lot of growth for everyone, but by 24/25 you typically have clarity in who you are, life goals, dreams, aspirations, etc.

    Post # 40
    Member
    2352 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Eh, I dunno. Looking back at the person I was t 25 I  can see that there was still growing left to do. I am much different now, 20 years later.

    Post # 41
    Member
    1981 posts
    Buzzing bee

    For women, it depends on her. 

    For men, more than likely. 

    Under 25 I find way too young, especially 21-23. I think back to then and I can’t imagine having been married. I did so much growing then and I loved it. I became me. 

    Post # 42
    Member
    5078 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I think 25 is generally acceptable, though it would depend on the person and where they are in life. Someone in their first relationship just out of college and living off their parents is obviously in a different spot than someone who has had relationships before, has a job and supports themselves, regardless of age. 

    Post # 43
    Member
    4065 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    I think 25 is typically ok. I also grew up in a small town where getting marrie between 18-22 is the norm. I knew I wanted no part of that. My husband and I started dating when we were 20/21, and we got married when I was 26, and he was a week shy of 27. I think it was perfect for us. He had just gotten a promotion a year before and I had finished grad school a few months prior. Our careers were stable, we both had significant savings, so there was nothing holding us back. It completely depends on the couple though b

    Post # 44
    Member
    1011 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    I think 25 is too young. But in my culture, getting married before 30 is considered to be a bit shocking. Where I live the average age for first marriages for men/women is 35/33 respectively and we have the lowest divorce rate in Europe.

    Long gone are the days when everyone went to school, got their forever job, married their high school sweetheart and settled in the burbs with their 2.1 kids. Life just isn’t like that anymore. There is so much more opportunity to travel the world, get an education and find your niche in life before deciding to commit to spending your life with someone. Just my 2 cents.

    Post # 45
    Member
    1256 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    It was too young for me – I was a year into medical school and very focused on myself.  I have friends who were very “settled” in their lives by 25 and I don’t think it was too young for them.  So, it really depends.  

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