Post # 76
Member
3026 posts
Sugar bee
I was 24 when married. It was right for my partner and I. Nothing more and nothing less. People will have opinions and thoughts on it. I certainly love to have opinions and thoughts as well. In the end, it doesn’t bother me because I am secure in it.
Every individual and every relationship is going to be different. That stranger was pretty bold and certainly keen to give unsolicited advice. However, don’t pay them mind unless you feel there may be something that holds truth to yourself. In that case, it is time to examine why what they said may be affecting you deeper.
Post # 77
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
yourhandinmine : Absolutely NOT too young. I answered the poll as saying it really depends on the couple and their maturity.
I am getting married this year and I am 28. I got engaged when I was 24 (looong engagement haha).
I can admit if we had been married at 24 or 25 we would have been fine. I’m a little more mature now than I was then but honestly not much has changed.
I think what should matter more than your age is how comfortable you are together, the love you feel for each other and all of that emotional security you have together… and then logistically I think its important to consider things like finances, where you live, your family dynamic compared to his… but in the end, there is no perfect age. =)
Post # 78
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
musicluvr325 : I understand. I guess im looking more at myself as you make that statement. I am going to be 27 and the things that I wanted at 20 are the same things I want now.
The difference is that now I won’t settle for less than what I want rather than having done so in the past.
However I do want to clarify that I understand your POV.
Post # 79
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
khopenyc : Oh, I get it. I think also in the back of my head I still wanted those things, but I settled. I told myself I was okay with what I got rather then going for more of what I wanted (abusive upbringing will do that). I’m glad some people don’t have to deal with those kinds of things.
Post # 80
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
nycsa : yes, I’m well aware. Everyone is different and if you don’t want to get married that young then you definitely shouldn’t! There are of course many reasons to not get married young. I was just saying that in general people people will waste their time dating people they know they won’t end up with and going out partying. I think that it makes for more broken hearts and confusion along the way. I’m actually still in school and will be in school for another five years. Hasnt stopped me from getting married! In my opinion, it is selfish. But I also have conservative values, so I see where others may not see it as selfish. I did put a little “to each his own.”
Post # 81
Member
22 posts
Newbee
25 is nothing. My mom had me when she was 25. I’m 20 and my fiance is 21 and we are getting married in less than 2 weeks. Every relationship is different and when its right its right.
Post # 82
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
sapphire27 : I loved reading this because I think on a similar wave length. You’ll change after major milestones in your life anyway. I understand that a large variety of character change happens in your 20’s, but I’m not going to refrain from marrying someone I love because they’re ‘going to change’. And if that mindset is the majority of people, it could explain the rate of divorce. If people think their SO will never change then they’re not being realistic. People are people: They grow and alter and change based on experience. To think otherwise is naive. Love what you said and couldn’t agree more!
Post # 83
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
ljm308 : I agree with this. College is not the real world and I was quick to learn this after graduating. It does not sport reality. I already graduated and SO is graduating in 8 weeks, so he hasn’t really faced reality yet. Which is one of the many reasons we still want to wait a year and some change. It’s important, to me, for both of us to have stable careers and goals and I refuse to make a long term choice without seeing that.
Post # 84
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
VictorianChick : I understand this. I know I won’t be the same person after 25 as I was at that age, just as I’m not the same at 23 as I was at 19 or 20. But I’m always going to grow, alter, and change. As he will, too. Especially with such life changing steps, like children. People will always change and I see 25 as that ‘safe’ area.
Post # 85
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
DrCrazyCat : I agree, to some extent, but why can’t someone still have these things while married? I know plenty of married couples who travel all the time and take risks with employment. I have an education and so does SO. I have a job and SO is currently signing for his after graduation. We’ve been able to do so many exciting things together AND with friends. I’ve partied and stayed up all night, failed exams, learned how to balance a lifestyle, lived by myself, made mistakes, lost opportunities, gained opportunites, traveled, etc. I’ve been able to do everything that everyone says you’ll miss out on when you’re in a relationship. And the kicker? I got to do all those things while in a relationship with SO. While I understand the divorce rate is low in your area, age likely does have something to do with it, but not everything. It doesn’t account for income in the area, education level, etc.
I get what you mean. I personally would not want to marry as late at 32 or so, simply because I would like to have my first child around 29 or 30. I wouldn’t want to risk a pregnancy in my late 30’s while knowning potential health issues because of my age. But everyone is different. Thank you for your opinion!
Post # 86
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
is_a_belle : This is so true. A friend of mine just got engaged with a ‘man’ who isn’t much of a man. They’re both 23 (I feel too young) but their relationship is likely doomed. He can’t do anything without her nagging, he’s cheated on her, is horrible with money, can’t ever seem to get his homework done, etc. I feel awful looking at her relationship and knowing how difficult of a person he will be. But she’s willing to put up with it, and that’s on her. But I could never. I see myself as an independent person with a realistic look at reality. I don’t doubt myself and my abilities and I don’t doubt SO’s. He has his flaws, as does everyone. But he’s one of (if not the) most intelligent person I know. He see’s things for what they are and makes excellent choices. I see him as a man because of how he lives and the choices he makes, but I know not every 24 year old male is like that. Most can’t tell up from down. But I’ve seen him grow these past 4 years or so and am really proud of the man he’s turned into.
Post # 87
Member
1753 posts
Buzzing bee
I don’t think it’s too young if you know what you want and you’re with the person you want to be with. I wish I had met my husband in my early 20’s and gotten married sooner sometimes so I could have had that much more time with him. My mom was 19 when she married my dad (he was 24 at the time) and they are the wisest people I know and after more than 50 years together, they are still very happy and in love. I think if you are lucky enough to meet someone that you want to be with, whatever age you may be, go for it! Only you can know if it right for you.
Post # 88
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
Sure hope not. I was 24 and he was 23. LOL
Age is really a number. Maturity is much more important. I’ve met 19 year olds that were more mature than some 50 year olds I work with.
Post # 89
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
npoliver : Exactly. I was so caught off guard by her comment. It made me wonder why she would even make a comment like that. I don’t know you, I know nothing of your life, and I wouldn’t be so narrow minded and honestly childish to make such a comment. But she will? Speaks volumes of her character. I’m guessing she is likely not the best person to ask for advice about this kind of thing, as her social intelligence could have used a great deal of work 😉
Post # 90
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
Sorry for the surge of replies, ladies! Have been really busy these past couple of days. I’ve read every reply, though, and I’m loving the opinions! It seems like the general agreement is that it depends on the people. There are some 25-year-old’s bumping into walls without a sense of anything more than their next drink, and there are some that are already investing (SO is, can’t say the same for myself!). Great answers, ladies. Keep them coming!
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