Post # 1
I was on another website for expecting moms, and one OP started ranting about how selfish her Father-In-Law was for complaining that he and her Mother-In-Law couldn’t go on a vacation that they were invited to by their friends, because it fell during the time of the delivery of her third child, and they were her own childcare option for her two toddlers (3 & 4), because her husband had to be in the hospital with her and couldn’t watch the other two kids. The Father-In-Law has made remarks in the past that he didn’t enjoy being their only childcare option. She goes on to say that her ILs have a lot of money and go on vacation quite often (irrelevant if you ask me). A lot of the other moms share my opinion in that your child, your responsibility and that she sounded entitled. A handful of expecting moms got annoyed that some of us were saying that if you want reliable childcare, you pay for it/OP has to find some other means of childcare and were of the opinion that family are expected to help with childcare. I’m actually surprised by this sense of entitlement. It would be very nice if family helps out, but not expected.
Post # 2
- Wedding: June 2016 - Bell Tower on 34th
I guess I can see why she might be frustrated because any expectant mom would HOPE that the grandparents would jump on the opportunity to be with the grandkids for a few days. But in no way should she be upset with them. Not their kid, not their reponsibility!
Post # 3
yeah that’s gross. My in-laws retired in order to help with the grandkids (there are four of them that would need care right now) and we have our daughter in a daycare center.
They will take her on the weeks that her school closes for vacation but that’s THEIR choice. I ask if they are free months in advance based on the calendar and they decide if they can take her or not. If they can’t, then we find an alternative, even if one of us has to stay home ourselves
My ears would perk up if my in-laws started making comments about having her and I would back off from asking them to take her when school is closed
The mother sounds selfish BUT that’s our culture, families vary by culture. Regardless, even if it’s the culture for the grandparents to do the child care, her father in law is getting upset
it also sounds like they rely on the parents for regular child care, not just the days she will be in the hospital, that’s what I’m basing my response on
Post # 4
No I don’t think that typical child care is the responsibility of anyone other than the parents. However, in the case where a new baby is born, I think it’s reasonable to ask family to watch any other kiddos while Mom is in labour/giving birth. You have no idea how long you’re going to be in the hospital, or if there will be any complications, so it would be hard to plan for paid childcare.
Personally, I find it more weird that the grandparent would rather be on vacation, than be around for the birth of their new grandbaby.
Post # 5
it sounds like they rely solely on them for child care though, not just the days spent in the hospital
Post # 6
I think it depends on the family dynamic. My parents would (and did) move mountains to be there for us when our first was born…like they got in the car at 4am after my water broke and drove 16 hours to get here asap, and then stayed for two weeks to help us. We actually had to be the ones to be like “you should go home, we need to figure this out on our own!” – otherwise I think they would have gladly stayed for months lol.
I feel very grateful to have parents like that, but I do think it’s a privilege rather than a “right.”
Post # 7
Yeah absolutely not. If you pop a kid out of your lady bits, you are responsible for finding their care. Expecting grandparents who have ALREADY done their share of child raising to give up their life without children is extremely entitled behavior.
Post # 8
There are two separate issues here. Grandparents watching kids while mum is in labour and grandparents regularly watching the kids.
For labour I can understand why the mum is upset. My in laws were on point for having our son while I was in labour. Paid childcare is tough for that situation as you don’t know when it will be or if your child will get on with that baby sitter … also you would think grandparents wouldn’t want to be away when their grandchild is born.
For regular childcare, that’s different. My in laws watched our son 2 days a week when I returned to work. They offered and we were very very grateful they did this. I’m on maternity leave now so they don’t watch him anymore but they are our go to baby sitters. But we hardly ever need them
Post # 9
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
Your kids, your responsibility. It’s always nice when family can help out but if her only plan is family, then she planned poorly. No one is obligated to watch or take care of her kids but her and her husband and she always needs to have a plan B, no matter the circumstances. My sister has already said she’d be happy to watch any kids we have and that’s sweet, but I’d never expect it or hold her to that if she’d rather do anything else with her time, including going on vacation.
Post # 10
- Wedding: June 2016 - Bell Tower on 34th
Yeah, if that’s the case, that would definitely make things a little more challenging. I could understand that that may be too much pressure on one set of grandparents. My parents will watch my son (and sometimes ask to) but we try to hire baby-sitters every other time to make sure we don’t seem like we’re trying to take advantage. Just as a courtesy since they have their own lives.
Post # 11
I can understand if it’s only about her being in labor though, I just read it differently
Post # 12
Two seperate issues here.
Labor/delivery: I can understand why she’d be upset. Births typically aren’t planned so setting up childcare outside of family can be difficult. I am having a planned csection next month and even then we’re having to rely on my parents to take my son the night before. We have to be at the hosptial at 5:30am, no childcare in our area opens that early.
reoccurent childcare: that should be on the parents not the grandparents IMO. I’ve always had outside childcare for my son (and now for my daughter) and would never rely on my parents or in laws to care for my kids (nor would I honestly want that).
Post # 13
Nope nope nope. My mom (my dad’s not in my life) doesn’t help a single ounce with my son despite living nearby, and while I wish to bejeebus she at least WANTED TO (you know, because she loves him and wants to spend time with him and build a relationship), I 10000% have never expected her to be a babysitter or have any obligations regarding him. It’s icing on the cake if she wanted to help out/spend time with him. Unfortunately we have none of that icing going on 😂😭
Post # 14
I’m used to a culture of family chipping in and helping so I don’t take the stance of ‘your kids, your problem’ and I can’t imagine having that attitude with a family member.
If I can and someone needs my help then I would absolutely help out. In my circles it is pretty normal for grandparents to take the other kids for a day or two while the couple are at the hospital for a new baby. It is also pretty normal for grandparents/aunts and uncles to take young kids or babies for a few hours periodically to give the parents a break.
If this guy has a problem with the current set up regarding full time childcare they need to sit down and have a proper discussion about what they are and are not prepared to help with.
Post # 15
I’m curious, what do people who already have children do when they go into labor? I honestly can’t think of what I would do if I didn’t have a family member or close friend to count on for that.