Your opinion on family sharing in the responsibility of childcare?

posted 12 months ago in Parenting
  • poll: Is family responsible for childcare?

    Nope, your kids, your responsibility

    Yes, that's expected

    Other

  • Post # 2
    Member
    189 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2016 - Bell Tower on 34th

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    breatheandrelax :  I guess I can see why she might be frustrated because any expectant mom would HOPE that the grandparents would jump on the opportunity to be with the grandkids for a few days.  But in no way should she be upset with them.  Not their kid, not their reponsibility!

    Post # 3
    Member
    5571 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2017

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    breatheandrelax :  yeah that’s gross. My in-laws retired in order to help with the grandkids (there are four of them that would need care right now) and we have our daughter in a daycare center.

    They will take her on the weeks that her school closes for vacation but that’s THEIR choice. I ask if they are free months in advance based on the calendar and they decide if they can take her or not. If they can’t, then we find an alternative, even if one of us has to stay home ourselves

    My ears would perk up if my in-laws started making comments about having her and I would back off from asking them to take her when school is closed

    The mother sounds selfish BUT that’s our culture, families vary by culture. Regardless, even if it’s the culture for the grandparents to do the child care, her father in law is getting upset

    it also sounds like they rely on the parents for regular child care, not just the days she will be in the hospital, that’s what I’m basing my response on

    Post # 4
    Member
    1685 posts
    Bumble bee

    No I don’t think that typical child care is the responsibility of anyone other than the parents. However, in the case where a new baby is born, I think it’s reasonable to ask family to watch any other kiddos while Mom is in labour/giving birth. You have no idea how long you’re going to be in the hospital, or if there will be any complications, so it would be hard to plan for paid childcare.  

    Personally, I find it more weird that the grandparent would rather be on vacation, than be around for the birth of their new grandbaby.

    Post # 5
    Member
    5571 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2017

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    clementsbee :  it sounds like they rely solely on them for child care though, not just the days spent in the hospital 

    Post # 6
    Member
    7595 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I think it depends on the family dynamic. My parents would (and did) move mountains to be there for us when our first was born…like they got in the car at 4am after my water broke and drove 16 hours to get here asap, and then stayed for two weeks to help us. We actually had to be the ones to be like “you should go home, we need to figure this out on our own!” – otherwise I think they would have gladly stayed for months lol. 

    I feel very grateful to have parents like that, but I do think it’s a privilege rather than a “right.”

    Post # 7
    Member
    2836 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2018

    Yeah absolutely not. If you pop a kid out of your lady bits, you are responsible for finding their care. Expecting grandparents who have ALREADY done their share of child raising to give up their life without children is extremely entitled behavior. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    3468 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    There are two separate issues here. Grandparents watching kids while mum is in labour and grandparents regularly watching the kids. 

    For labour I can understand why the mum is upset. My in laws were on point for having our son while I was in labour. Paid childcare is tough for that situation as you don’t know when it will be or if your child will get on with that baby sitter … also you would think grandparents wouldn’t want to be away when their grandchild is born. 

     

    For regular childcare, that’s different. My in laws watched our son 2 days a week when I returned to work. They offered and we were very very grateful they did this. I’m on maternity leave now so they don’t watch him anymore but they are our go to baby sitters. But we hardly ever need them 

    Post # 9
    Member
    3712 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

    Your kids, your responsibility. It’s always nice when family can help out but if her only plan is family, then she planned poorly. No one is obligated to watch or take care of her kids but her and her husband and she always needs to have a plan B, no matter the circumstances. My sister has already said she’d be happy to watch any kids we have and that’s sweet, but I’d never expect it or hold her to that if she’d rather do anything else with her time, including going on vacation. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    189 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2016 - Bell Tower on 34th

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    Sansa85 :  Yeah, if that’s the case, that would definitely make things a little more challenging.  I could understand that that may be too much pressure on one set of grandparents.  My parents will watch my son (and sometimes ask to) but we try to hire baby-sitters every other time to make sure we don’t seem like we’re trying to take advantage.  Just as a courtesy since they have their own lives.

    Post # 11
    Member
    5571 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2017

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    clementsbee :  I can understand if it’s only about her being in labor though, I just read it differently 

    Post # 12
    Member
    2504 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    Two seperate issues here. 

    Labor/delivery: I can understand why she’d be upset. Births typically aren’t planned so setting up childcare outside of family can be difficult. I am having a planned csection next month and even then we’re having to rely on my parents to take my son the night before. We have to be at the hosptial at 5:30am, no childcare in our area opens that early. 

    reoccurent childcare: that should be on the parents not the grandparents IMO. I’ve always had outside childcare for my son (and now for my daughter) and would never rely on my parents or in laws to care for my kids (nor would I honestly want that). 

    Post # 13
    Member
    9426 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Nope nope nope. My mom (my dad’s not in my life) doesn’t help a single ounce with my son despite living nearby, and while I wish to bejeebus she at least WANTED TO (you know, because she loves him and wants to spend time with him and build a relationship), I 10000% have never expected her to be a babysitter or have any obligations regarding him. It’s icing on the cake if she wanted to help out/spend time with him. Unfortunately we have none of that icing going on 😂😭

    Post # 14
    Member
    5917 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2018

    I’m used to a culture of family chipping in and helping so I don’t take the stance of ‘your kids, your problem’ and I can’t imagine having that attitude with a family member. 

    If I can and someone needs my help then I would absolutely help out.  In my circles it is pretty normal for grandparents to take the other kids for a day or two while the couple are at the hospital for a new baby.  It is also pretty normal for grandparents/aunts and uncles to take young kids or babies for a few hours periodically to give the parents a break. 

    If this guy has a problem with the current set up regarding full time childcare they need to sit down and have a proper discussion about what they are and are not prepared to help with. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    533 posts
    Busy bee

    I’m curious, what do people who already have children do when they go into labor? I honestly can’t think of what I would do if I didn’t have a family member or close friend to count on for that.

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