Your opinion on family sharing in the responsibility of childcare?

posted 12 months ago in Parenting
  • poll: Is family responsible for childcare?

    Nope, your kids, your responsibility

    Yes, that's expected

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  • Post # 61
    Member
    15 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2020 - Lake Tahoe

    For me, in my culture, family helps raise the kids. Couples have children to have someone take care of them in old age, it’s kind of like debt, I suppose?

    Like, “I took care of you as a child so you have to take care of me when I get older.” I’ve been raised by my mother most, and my Nana and then my Aunts occasionally and I their kids when I got older and they had more kids. No one pays anyone either, it’s just all favors for when we get older or when we have more kids.

    Post # 62
    Member
    1859 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    If no family member is available to watch my daughter when I go into labor with my second child, I would go to the hospital by myself and my husband would stay home.  I would never leave my toddler alone for multiple days with a stranger.  The only people who will ever watch my kids are my parents, my in-laws, or my siblings/siblings-in-law.  Maybe a close friend, if that person is willing, and I feel comfortable with their understanding of my daughter’s food allergies.  

    My parents and in-laws both watch my daughter for 3-4 hours maybe twice a month.  If they didn’t want to do it, we just wouldn’t go out.  This is how I was raised, and I am most comfortable this way.  I have never left my kid overnight before (she is only 3 yrs old), but would do so in order to deliver a baby.  I don’t think family is required to watch my kids under those circumstances, but I certainly wouldn’t feel comfortable with anyone else.  We only want one more kid though, so I don’t expect it will be an ongoing issue.

    Post # 63
    Member
    956 posts
    Busy bee

    In general, I don’t believe there’s any obligation or responsibility for family to watch your kids. My mom had just declined babysitting for us while hubby and I hoped to spend a vacation solo, as she had plans that week; I didn’t feel the least bit slighted because I know she’s not a babysitting service, and I’m glad she’s living her own life.
    That being said, it’s hecka sad that that lady’s Father-In-Law would rather go on his 3rd vacation of the year than help his own children while they’re laboring the birth of his grandchild, and being unhappy to spend time with his other grandkids…I mean, if we were talking about someone getting mad that their parent wouldn’t watch the grandkids on a whim so they can go clubbing or something, sure, that’s super entitled and selfish. But I’d be hurt too if my own parents were sour that I needed help while giving birth.
      

    Post # 64
    Member
    139 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    View original reply
    kiram :  100% agree.

    I’m normally in the camp of your kid, your problem but this is a medical issue. The children cannot stay at the hospital while their mom is giving birth and if there’s an emergency the father needs to be there. I’m sure if this was their first or second grandchild they wouldn’t leave for vacation. I would understand if the OP relied on them for 100% of their child care needs and the Father-In-Law was frustrated but giving birth to their grandchild is probably more important than a vacation. God forbid there is an emergency they would have to come home anyways. Also if the mother or father needed surgery I’m sure they wouldn’t complain as much about needing to help.

    I do think that some people expect their parents to be their only form of child care which is terrible. I know a lot of people where their parents are watching their children 10 hours a day 5 days a week then asking for them to watch them on the weekends so they can go out and that’s terrible. 

    Post # 65
    Member
    584 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    View original reply
    breatheandrelax :  I don’t agree with the expectation that the mum in your example had.

    But I also do think that family should be ready and willing to help out with young children.  It takes a village to raise kids, now more than ever.  The baby boomers who are complaining about the lack of vacation time, I wonder how much help they had from their own parents? 

    Everyone in mine and my husband’s family that has had children, or will have children (unspoken exception for those who live the CFBC life of course) have a decent expectation that everyone will help out everyone.  And I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

    Post # 66
    Member
    42 posts
    Newbee

    Well, in my culture it would be normal for grandparents to take over care of first kid while mom gives birth to the second one. That however only works if they are in the vicinity and have time. If they don’t, either the partner stays home with the first kid and mom goes labor by herself in the hospital or a good friend pitches in when they agreed to it. I’m sure there are other options too, but I’m not aware of it. First choice are usually grandparents and most would like to help. After all, it does take a village to raise a kid. Always did.

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