Post # 1
To give you sin background, have been married 18 months, my husband has a 12 year old daughter from a previous relationship who comes to stay with us every second weekend. Both our dads passed away, so our moms are on their own, my mom is an 8 hour drive away and his mom a one hour drive. So since his mom is alone and I am very sympathetic to that we ask her round usually on a Sunday for the afternoon so she can see us and her granddaughter, so every second weekend. Recently we had a late miscarriage at 21 weeks, that was two months ago so I am still grieving that although feeling stronger than I was. This weekend we asked her to come round on Saturday afternoon as we had a birthday party last night and asked her to look after her granddaughter for us while we went out. I have been ill with a throat infection and after last night it hit me harder. We were supposed to go to a kids party today but we decided I wasn’t well enough. That would have been when his mom left to go home but. Now since we aren’t going she just stays the whole afternoon. She knows i am sick, saw the state of me and just decided to stay anyway. I have now been in our room the whole time in bed cos well I don’t feel good but also because I just don’t feel like seeing her when I am sick. Is it unreasonable for me to expect her to get a clue and realize when it’s time to go home? Like why stay if she knows I am not well and also going through a generally bad time? Opinions please?
Post # 2
With family, there isn’t always an expectation that your visits be brief. If anything she is around to help out while you’re sick. My guess is honestly you’re still understandably sad and are thus more irritable than normal.
Post # 3
savannah81 : She is probably concerned about you especially if you do not feel good and wants to help out. I get not wanting company but sounds like she is just being a good mother in law. I would thank her for sticking around but just kindly let her know you would like to rest and it is okay for her to leave for the day.
Post # 4
Your husband should have taken the initiative and told his mom that you’re not feeling well and would like to rest. So we’ll see you in two weeks
Post # 5
She probably doesn’t realise that she is annoying you by being there. I’m guessing she sees you like one of her children so in her mind you being sick is not something that would make her want to leave, and instead she thinks that you are in your room resting. Maybe she even feels that by being there you will be able to rest more. Personally I don’t like having people around if I’m unwell, I just can’t relax knowing they are in the other room, so it defeats the whole purpose but maybe she doesn’t see it that way. I would talk with your hubby and let him know that you are still needing some space and let him handle this kind of thing in the future. Try not to read too much into it, and hopefully you feel better soon!!
Post # 6
Well I plan to tell him that when she is gone! I understand the view that she is trying to help but I can guarantee that when it comes time for her to go and for him to take his daughter home who lives on my mils route home, it’s an hour one way drive for us, she won’t take her so that he can stay at home with me. Wouldn’t that be the definition of helping? She never takes her home she says she doesn’t want her granddaughter to associate going home with her, meanwhile she has a perfectly happy home life! She’s just selfish!!!
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
She has no obligation to drive his child home after every visit and not doing so doesn’t make her selfish. It would certainly be kind if she did it, but that is his child and his responsibility. And it would seem he’d only be gone for a couple hours at most whole dropping his daughter off. Are you truly so sick that you are unable to be alone for that length of time?
I get being sick and grumpy and just wanting your space to yourself, but you guys were the ones who invited her over to begin with. If you aren’t comfortable you have to speak up, but I don’t think she’s done anything wrong in this situation.
Post # 8
My Mother-In-Law has stopped by to visit me when I’m sick, she brings soup. I consider her my second mother. Is it possible that your Mother-In-Law thinks you are closer than you think you are?
Post # 9
savannah81 : Very simple solution. Have your husband tell his mother that you aren’t feeling well and have him ask his mother to go home. He doesn’t have to be like gtfo, but he can tactfully explain that you don’t want company right now. If she’s “not getting” that she needs to leave, someone needs to tell her.
Post # 10
savannah81 : How is she selfish. that isn’t her child she doesn’t have to take her home if she doesn’t want to. Sounds like you are being immature you can be alone for a few hours unless you are on your death bed there is no reason why your husband can’t take HIS daughter which is HIS responsiblity home.
Post # 11
savannah81 : is you want her to leave, then ask her to leave.
Post # 12
You’re coming off really bratty to me. Using your Mother-In-Law for babysitting and now you expect her to transport your step kid home? If you don’t want her there, ask her to leave. But please remember you’re getting some good perks of having her around, and expecting her to do MORE for you is a bit unreasonable IMO.
Post # 13
I’m very sorry about the pregnancy loss and 21 weeks…that’s rough. It sounds to me like you might be projecting and lashing out a bit. Kind of like how sometimes people deliberately cause pain in one part of their body so they don’t feel the pain in other parts as much. I don’t think your Mother-In-Law did anything wrong and once you’ve had some more time to grieve maybe you will too.
Post # 14
Yes, it’s unreasonable for you to expect her to “get a clue.” Tell her she can leave — that you appreciate her staying and her being considerate, but that you’re ok now and she can leave.
I mean, she helped you out by coming on Saturday. Now your sick, but her grand-daughter is still there. Is it really unreasonable for her to think staying and possibly keeping her grand-daughter occupied is a helpful thing to do? You said yourself you’ve been in bed and have been for a while. She probably thinks staying and helping is allowing you to rest.
She’s not a mind reader.
Post # 15
I think you might need to just get off the internet and take a nap. You sound pretty unreasonable atm. If you don’t feel well and want your Mother-In-Law to leave your home, you ask your husband to pass the news- you don’t retreat to your room and hide out making snarky threads about it. If you have a problem with your husband driving his mother home, you talk to him about it. But mostly- if you aren’t feeling well, take care of your mind and body and get some rest rather than wallowing in your annoyance with someone who probably isn’t even thinking about you and isn’t trying to bug you intentionally.
I hope you feel better soon.