Post # 1
bees! I need your advice.
our invitations are going to be quirky. non-traditional. as in, they won’t be on white paper, there will be no cursive script or numbers written out as words, and they will not follow the classic wordings. they’re also not a typical size/shape (they will be long and thin, about 4″x9″, portrait-orientation), and the text is formatted creatively.
so imagine you’ve opened an invitation like that and see the following wording:
“BRIDE & GROOM would love for you to join them and their parents as they celebrate their marriage…”
1. [poll] based on that text, who do you think is paying for the wedding?
2. [comments] would you have a different answer for who you think is hosting the wedding, or for you is that synonymous with paying?
Post # 3
@kjthomps: I said other because when I receive an invitation, I don’t scrutinize it to figure out who is paying. It doesn’t matter to me who’s paying. When I hear or see specific references to “hosting” I do equate that to paying, but I don’t consider that my business. I’m happy to be invited and will express my gratitude to whoever sends the invitation.
Editing to add: If it is obviously being hosted/paid for by someone other then the person sending the invite, then of course I’ll thank the hosts. But if it’s not obvious, I’m not nosy enough to try and figure it out or assume.
Post # 4
@kjthomps: we didn’t word invites based on who was or was not paying, we went very traditional with ours
mr _______ and ms _________
request your presence at the marriage of their daughter
son of ms. ___________ and mr. _____________
this date, this time, this location
reception to follow
we listed his mom first because he and his father dont have a good relationship, but we didnt want to stir up trouble by not listing him at all.
Post # 5
Based on how that is written, it sounds like the Bride & Group and both sets of parents are hosting.
Post # 6
@kjthomps: also, i think your wording is fine, regardless of who is paying. i cant ever tell who is paying by an invite anyway
Post # 7
@Daisy_Mae: great point—I added that as an option to the poll. I feel exactly the same as you do, but somebody else involved in this wedding doesn’t, so I’m trying to find out which one of us is more typical. 🙂
Post # 8
IMO when you write and with their parents it makes me think bride, groom and parents are all helping.
At least thats how i worded mine. And my parents are helping. It may not be finacally, but my mom is helping by making stuff for the wedding. And if she wouldnt of made the items, i would of had to buy the item( so finacally assisting…. lol)
ANyhow, why does it matter who pays? as a guest you go to have fun and support the bride and groom.
Unless your parents are paying, and they dislike how its worded. IN that case, you may want to reconsider how the wording.
Post # 9
The invite doesn’t need to indicate who is paying, however I generally assume that whoever is the host is also paying for most of it. From your wording, I’d assume that you and your Fiance are primarily hosting, but that your parents are involved too. My Fiance and I are paying/planning the entire thing, and we are only listing ourselves as the hosts. I’m not very traditional either, and I thought it would be odd to list my parents on the invite when they’re not really involved with the planning.
Post # 10
@Jen51287: I agree 100%—for me, it’s about wanting to celebrate with the bride & groom, not about knowing who’s shelled out for everything!
so the actual answer is that both sets of parents have given us some money, but Fiance and I are also paying for a lot of it ourselves and we’re doing all of the planning ourselves. one set of parents couldn’t care less about whether or not people “interpret” that they’re paying, and from the other set, the dad is like “whatever!” but the mother, who doesn’t care about getting recognition herself, is worried that the current wording is a slight to the other set of parents (the ones who don’t care).
if it all seems kind of silly, yep, it totally is. is her concern thoughtful, but unnecessary? yep. but as many of you bees probably have experienced, the silly little things have a way of somehow becoming Big Things even when no one intended them to…
thanks to everyone for your feedback!