(Closed) Your ring vs. Your Mothers…? UGH!!! Sorry…Kinda Long Venting…Pic included

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 17
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I agree with Neva, your mum is mis-informed. It is the absolute standard that white gold is rhodium plated. It is still “real” white gold. I would say everything you see in a jewellery store that is white gold is rhodium plated. Heck, if your mum’s isn’t, then yours is surely a much nicer white! There is nothing to ‘look down’ upon.

In these situations, hold your ground. If my mum commented to me that my ring is too small compared to hers, I would pretty much be like “So what? Gee, that’s a bit materialistic isn’t it?” in a jokey sort of way. Don’t get defensive, otherwise she will see that as a sign that she is clearly right and she’ll get a kick out of it. If you always hold the attitude that you love your ring and it is perfect for you, then you’re more likely to have her start recognising (to herself at least) that yes, she is being materialistic.

I also disagree with the others suggesting to attack her marriage. Again, she will get defensive and it will make things worse as she will be re-affirmed in her belief that she is right, and she will be looking to attack you back. It’s unnecessary. You want you mother on your side, you’re planning a wedding!

This doesn’t mean just take everything she throws at you though. By all means tell her “hey mum, you’re being a bit of a buzz kill here, you should be excited for me” or whatever you want to say, but I just don’t think it is a good idea to bring her marriage into it. I bet it is an incredibly sore point for her, and it will make things worse.

I think the key is to portray the image that you make the rules about this, (in a non-agressive way, just assertive) and you’ll just shrug off any ill-intended comments your mother has. You do not need to seek her approval on this.

 

Post # 18
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee

That’s absolutely crazy. You should definitely point out the hypocrisy in her logic. What’s funny is that I’m having problems with the exact opposite. My family has never had money and my mom never got an engagement ring and just has a plain gold band. When I told her we were looking at rings her immediate response was, “I don’t understand why someone would want some gaudy stone on their finger. They are absolutely ugly, a waste of money and get caught on everything.” That pretty much ended the conversation and killed my excitement.

I think you’re ring is beautiful and timeless. Hopefully she’ll turn around soon.

Post # 19
Hostess
11163 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@mrsdavistobe2012: I can sympathize with an unsupportive mom all the way. I am really sorry that she is allowing her personal issues to get you down, especially about your beautiful engagment ring. I cannot understand parents that fail to think before they talk like this.

My issue is opposite of yours in a way. My ring is much bigger than my mothers (who is recently engaged and yet not yet divorced from my stepfather…whole long dramatic story.). I know that she is jealous and while I can appreciate the irony of the daughter having a bigger ring I can’t appreciate her comments and attitude. Instead of compliments I get snarky zingers and it hurts.(FYI she has been married seven times so I suppose if she put all those rings together hers would be enormous. LOL).

Keep up with a positive attitude and try not to let her comments get to you. I know it’s hard to remember this but her comments more than likely have nothing to do with you and more to do with her personal insecurities. Your ring is gorgeous and it is just what YOU wanted, it doesn’t matter what she thinks you should have.

 

Post # 20
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I’ll admit I dont know how this feels my ring is much bigger than my mothers and she is happy not about the size but that I love it and I love the man who gave it to me. I do want to comment however, on your BEAUTIFUL ring! I LOVE IT, its so stunning so as long as you love it who cares what anyone says. Take it like a grain of salt, who cares what others think. When your down just think about good ol Dr Suess “Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

Post # 21
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don`t think it would ever occur to my mother to compare our diamond sizes. I have a solitare on white gold, hers is a cluster of many smaller diamonds in yellow gold. They are completely different, and suit each of us perfectly.Different strokes!

Post # 22
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@ mrsdavistobe2012: I think your ring is gorgeous and the perfect size for your finger (from the picture!) 

My dad never even got my mom an engagement ring (still to this day — but they obviously have wedding bands, are still together after 30+ years, and she has gotten lots of “cool stuff”)

Anyway, I just hate how society is all caught up with size of the stone or even the ring for that matter!  Shouldn’t it be more about “I’m marrying the love of my life”? 

Post # 23
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

First of all, your ring is REALLY beautiful. Any woman should be thrilled to have such a pretty ring…

Let me tell you the story of my mother…I went to her house to proclaim my engagement. I also told her the story of how I picked this particular ring out myself (and coincidentally, he chose it too). She said, “Oh. Let me see your ring.”

When she saw it she said, “I have a similar ring to that one only it’s bigger. I’ll go get it for you. You can wear IT instead.”

She jumped up from her chair…rummaged in her bedroom and came out with a plated CZ ring  that my sister’s Boyfriend or Best Friend had bought for her off the internet for about $5.00.

(*notice I am stunned at this point)

I asked her why on EARTH I’d want to wear A) a ring that wasn’t given to me by my SO and B) a fake diamond just because it’s bigger?

She stared me right in the eye and answered, “Well, YOUR ring isn’t a real diamond either.”

 

Yeah…I didn’t stay there very long. As I was driving home I thought of all these wicked comebacks I could have said to her. I was in a rage. She still hasn’t congratulated my SO on our engagement. She’s indifferent. I’m trying not to let it hurt me because she is a narcissist.

Post # 24
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My moms ring is HALF the size of mine….but since she was always so happy with hers and in her marriage…she loves hers more than mine:) She says, “you’re ring is gorgeous but I love my little thing”. 

So, I honestly tie it to how much my mom loved her ring from the day she got it many years ago.

Maybe your mom wasn’t “n love” with her ring when she got it so she doesn’t get it. Especially if your grandma made her get it that big. She probably was under the impression that ring size was crucial from a young age.

 

MY ADVICE: Take what she says with a grain of salt. From here until the wedding you’ll here lots of crap…just remember: you’re happy and in so in love! No one can ever feel what you feel or understand what you two have….So, don’t let em bring you down!

Post # 26
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I believe if u love it its perfect

Post # 27
Member
3774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

I think a lot of moms are afraid that their daughters will get stuck with a broke joke of a man that doesn’t value her daughter, and the size of the diamond is a barometer of that.  I am not saying it is right or fair.  I am not saying it is a good practice or that it is even reliable.  I am simply saying that a lot moms are looking for signs that point to a comfortable life for their daughters, for their own piece of mind.

Post # 28
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

1)  Your ring is gorgeous!! I love how simple and delicate it is.  Some women like big rings, some like small… I would never want something much bigger than what you have. 

2) I’m so sorry your mom is acting like that.  Have you tried sitting her down and really telling her how you feel? 

3) There is no such thing as white gold (trust me, I have several jewelers in the family).  There’s yellow gold, and there’s yellow gold that’s plated in rhodium (that’s what we call white gold).  That’s why sometimes white gold rings start to “turn” yellow.  It’s just the rhodium wearing off… which is normal for a piece of jewelry you wear every day.  You get it redipped for about 40 bucks when that happens.  Your mom is misinformed.

4) Again, your ring is absolutely to die for!  I love it, and more importantly, you love it!!

Post # 29
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

tell your mom to ‘go scratch’ lol learned that from my teenager so apparently it’s not the cool thing to say anymore.

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