Your second wedding and youre doing what?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5106 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Miss. Meeps: I’m going into my first, but honestly I feel like they should be able to do whatever they want. Everyone deserves a second chance at what they really want and deserve. Why not?

I don’t see it as tacky at all.

JMO

Post # 4
Member
3671 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I feel like a wedding celebration should be chosen to fit the couple and their personalities.  I also don’t see why it can’t be a grand celebration because I don’t see it as being any less special than the first wedding.  

Post # 5
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Just FYI you are going to get flack for this one!

Personally I think you should be able to celebrate your love in any way you want – whether it be your first or your third marriage I think you should be able to have a big party/celebration if thats how you choose to do it. Just because it didnt work out with the first marriage doesnt mean you should be deprived of having those same wonderful feelings on your wedding day with subsequent marriages. And many times one person is an encore bride/groom but it will be the other person’s first marriage – why deprive them too?

Post # 6
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m with you on the shower and the white dress (although the concept behind the white dress isn’t as traditional as everyone thinks, ironically).  Even if they did throw a shower, they probably wouldn’t get as much gifts from the same family members who gave them stuff the first time around.  Maybe if the ex took all the fine china in the divorce, I could see a shower re-do!

As far as the bachelorette party, well she is technically a bachelorette again so why not!  And I’ve never heard any good reason why a second wedding should be any less massive than the first.

I guess where it gets to be dicey is if it’s only the second wedding for one of the couple.  For example a friend of mine is in a relationship with a guy who was previously married and divorced.  If they get married, I would hope his family treats her with all the attention that they treated his first wife, so she doesn’t feel like the afterthought.

Post # 7
Member
5106 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@jenbrandner: Fiance always teases me about the white dress. He says (jokingly of course) “Go ahead, just live your lie!”

We’ve lived together for over four years, among other things *ahem* for almost 6 

hee hee hee

Post # 8
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

This is my second wedding and my FI’s first.  I’m doing an ivory dress, although I don’t see anything wrong with wearing white if that’s what you want to do. 

I am not having a shower this time around, although I did the first time.  The only reason I’m not having one is simply because I don’t want to – not because of some etiquette rules that say what’s right or what isn’t right. 

I don’t think there are any hard rules on what’s appropriate or not for each individual – if people think it’s tacky of someone who is getting married for a second or third or fourth time to treat each as a special celebration, then don’t attend it, don’t be involved with it. 

So, initial gut reaction for me – do what you want and screw what everyone else says. 

Post # 10
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Mrs.tobe: Actually you know what, I just changed my mind LOL.  The white dress is the universal bridal symbol, so she should still wear white the second time around.  However, she should not have her dad raise her veil!

Post # 11
Member
5106 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@jenbrandner: Good thing I won’t be wearing a shy veil 😉

Post # 12
Member
1815 posts
Buzzing bee

@Miss. Meeps: I kind of agree with you?

My mom has been married several times (like more than 4) and each time it’s like how can you keep saying the same vows when they obviously didn’t hold up last time? However, she hasn’t had a shower or bachelorette in any of them. At the same time, if that’s what makes her happy, then I’m happy. My mom is my favorite person.

Post # 13
Member
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Miss. Meeps:

i agree,  its not for me,.  

i had a meringue dress and veil first time around,  i had a huge limo,  big car,  big cake and big reception…….and ended up with a big bastard of a husband! 

a big wedding means nothing,  its the marriage afterwards that counts.

i am marrying again…..20 years later……and having a small destination wedding,  i am still wearing a killer dress,  but not white,  i do feel its wrong…..my opinion only.

i know its only another colour to some,  but its meant to mean purity and i am not pure…..LOL

i think to have a veil and loads of bridesmaids ,  etc  etc   etc   is quite farcicle,  and although i am having bridemaids,  it is a low key wedding..  not because it isnt special,  but because we dont need to, and it would feel wrong to me somehow.

if it was first time around for him,  then we would maybe have a different kind of wedding,  but we have both been there before.

as for the really low cut strapless wedding dresses…..please,  its a church,  a bit of modesty wouldnt hurt.  

 

 

Post # 14
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

This is my second wedding, I’ve been divorced 11 years.  My first wedding was in 1996.  It’s my FI’s first marriage.

I think of it this way – we’re celebrating our new life together and why don’t we deserve the same celebration that you deserve?  You don’t know the reasons for my divorce – maybe I was abused, maybe my first husband died, maybe my first husband killed himself.  Why do I deserve to be any less happy or celebrate my new love with my new husband?  I think some people assume that we took the vows the first time, so it obviously didn’t mean anything, so we don’t deserve another celebration.  How can anyone possibly judge when they have no idea of the circumstances?

I won’t be wearing white, but that’s because I don’t look good in white.  My FI’s family is throwing me a shower because THEY WANT TO.  I know it’s hard to believe, but some families are actually supportive, regardless of a second marriage.  We’re having a bigger wedding this time around than my first wedding because that’s what Fiance wants and I don’t think it’s fair for him not to have the wedding and celebration of his dreams.

I’m glad my friends and family aren’t so judgemental to believe that Fiance and I don’t deserve this wedding.  With the exception of my parents (who are 80 years old and don’t get excited about much), EVERYONE has been over the top supportive.

Post # 16
Member
1559 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

While this is mine and FI’s first wedding, if I were ever to be an encore bride, I would absolutely still want a nice wedding. (I’ve known many encore brides, so I have thought about this one before.)

I feel like the attitude that 2nd time brides should just put on a nice suit and go to the courthouse is *so* antiquated- what is this, the 1960’s? Women are no longer lepers for being a divorcee, and they shouldn’t be treated like bad people if they want their second marriage to be celebrated just as much as their first. 

That being said- I would probably opt to have a shower that was more of a casual get together than a “buy me stuff” party, and if I had a bachelorette, it would be with my nearest/dearest friends, so why would it be any different than just hanging out with my best girls? 

The one big change would be that I would want a much smaller wedding, but I wish I was having a smaller wedding this time around too, so that’s not a surprise! 

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