(Closed) your thoughts on arguing…

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Communication is key.  I would express your concerns that if he loves you so much for being honest with him when you fight that he should not hold it against you for days afterwards because his feelings get hurt.  Sometimes we hurt the people we love the most with words.  And sometimes we can love them even more by not saying anything at all.

That being said, I think that it is good that you tell him when your upset and angry etc.  But I think that he needs to learn to do the same not just sit in silent giving you the silent guilt treatment.

That is the one thing with my Fiance that is so differnt from my exes.  I used to sit in silence because I was afraid Id hurt their feelings and I was the one more hurt by their words and actions than my own.  I have learned to tell my Fiance when he makes me mad or if I am worried or sad etc.  I think it really depends on him on how he wants to go about handling the situation.

And as for you, you have to decide if you can handle the “silent treatment” from time to time or if you want someone that will possibly fight back and someone you can communicate with when you have a problem.

Post # 4
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yikes. I am much like you, from the sound of it. If something is upsetting me, I can’t NOT talk about it. I know that for me, if I was with someone and it felt like I couldn’t tell them when I was angry for fear of upsetting/hurting them, that would be trouble for me.

I agree that you should talk to your SO about this and lay it out just like you laid it out in your post for us to read.

I also think it’s a good time to really assess how you’re arguing with him. I know that I can sometimes veer a little too much into a non-productive style of arguing and say something hurtful without really meaning to. If you find that you’re like that, too, then it could be the hurtful, non-productive things you’re saying that are causing him to act that way. If that’s the case, then you can work on keeping your arguments fair. I wish I had a link to some really good resource for this, but I don’t. However, I know there are books and articles out there on this topic!

Post # 5
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think some major communication is needed… which sounds like he won’t like.

1. Having a discusison or asking/inquiring about something is NOT arguing. He needs to understand this.

2. The silent treatment is UNACCEPTABLE. <– the silent treatment has done wonderous damage on relationships and is not okay… definitely not as the “norm” anyways.

If he loves your openess then he needs to take note and start being a little more open himself… if he refuses to change this you may need to consider leaving the relationship… I mean, you can’t marry someone that refuses to communicate with you b/c that’s a NECCESSITY to getting through life together, making a home, and having a family.

You don’t expect him to read your mind so he shouldn’t make you read his.

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