(Closed) Your thoughts on Porn

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I don’t really care whether Darling Husband watches porn or not. He says he doesn’t anymore but that he did a lot when he was younger. I believe him, but if I found out otherwise, I wouldn’t care about the porn, but I’d be surprised he felt he couldn’t just tell me.

I think many times that porn causes problems in a relationship it is because the man is forced to hide it because the woman is so against it (or vice versa; sometimes the women are the porn fanatics) and so then trust issues come into play. I’ve never been in a relationship in which I got less physical attention or emotional satisfaction from a guy because he watches porn than in other relationships or than I needed. So in my personal experiece, the porn itself has never been a problem and wouldn’t be, but the hiding behavior I think could be for people who are really against porn and so their partners hide it and lie about it.

Post # 4
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Darling Husband watched it a lot more when he was single.  I know he still watches from time to time alone.  Sometimes we watch together.  It doesn’t bother me.

Post # 5
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’m not bothered either. We have a good sex life but he’s up for it more often than me so I guess that’s why he oogles the porn girls. He tells me when hes off to do it lol, I try and catch him in the act but haven’t so far. To be honest, I’m not averse to watching it myself if I’m in the mood. It’s not dirty, it’s sex on film, no different to you being filmed when you’re at it with your partner I suppose. He looks for girls that look like me too so that’s good lol. Just something you gotta deal with.

Post # 6
Member
5011 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think I watch more porn than Darling Husband does, but either way it really doesn’t bother me as long as our sex life isn’t detrimentally affected.

Post # 7
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It’s mindless entertainment for some men. And some women! It’s like video games to me: not my choice of pastime but if my Fi chooses to spend some time that way, it doesn’t bother me as long as it doesn’t turn into the ONLY thing he does, an I’ll occasionally keep him company if he wants me to.

Post # 8
Member
1004 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I don’t have much of an opinion. I don’t like to watch it myself. I am sure Fiance did as a teenager and maybe still does (but he was pretty busy in real-life in college, so, ahem… maybe didn’t feel the need to watch it), but if he does, I don’t know when!

He is more likely to watch TV with me in his free time, or do yardwork, or play ultimate frisbee… and I doubt he is watching it at work! Somebody would certainly walk in a catch him, there is not much privacy.

I don’t really care if he does, as long as it is not an obsession that eats into real life and bothers our relationship.

Post # 9
Member
2603 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Well…I’m not trying to be combative with you or disbelieving, but how are you defining “addiction”?

Wikipedia defines it as such: “Addiction is the continued use of a mood altering substance or behaviour despite adverse dependency consequences, or a neurological impairment leading to such behaviors” which, as far as I understand it, translates to behaviors that seriously impact one’s life–such as the ability to hold down a job or going into debt or something. Since you broke up with your ex over a porn addiction, I’m betting that it really WAS an addiction, but there is a difference between being psychologically/emotionally dependent on porn and the guy who watches porn for entertainment. And bear in mind that with addiction, it’s never really the thing that they are addicted to that’s the issue–it’s other psychological problems that influence the addiction. So while it’s natural to be wary of porn if you’ve had problems with it in the past, remember that ultimtely, it the guy, not really the porn.

 

You’ll get a lot of different opinions on this. Some people believe that if it makes YOU uncomfortable, then it’s something that your FI/DH shouldn’t do for your sake, period. For my part–and you have to understand that I watch porn by myself; my Darling Husband watches porn by himself; AND we watch it together sometimes so we’re not the types to have moral objections to it–I think that porn can be a part of a healthy relationship. So long as you are happy in your relationship in the other areas (mutual respect, courtesy, humor etc.) and you are satisfied by your sex life, then I wouldn’t worry. For most people, the appeal of porn is the appeal of fantasy and most of it stays in the realm of fantasy and doesn’t cross over into real life. Some people might like watching threesomes, but wouldn’t be interested in bringing that into their personal relationships; some women are partial to girl-on-girl porn, even though they’d never be into doing that themselves. If it’s a source of insecurity for you–meaning, your sex life is fine, but you feel threatened by it otherwise, then it might be something that’s worth some therapy–especially with your particular history.

Post # 11
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I can understand watching porn if you’re single but not when you’re in a committed relationship. That creates a lot of gray area as to what is appropriate in the relationship. I don’t want my spouse to become aroused at images of other women or of other women having sex. I also am not going to watch porn because I don’t find a need in it. If my partner wanted a video to watch while he was alone we could video ourselves having sex. 

Post # 12
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I don’t really have a problem with it, although, if it became an issue obviosuly I would mind. But, I do like the fact that my Fiance does not like it, and therefore doesn’t really watch it. So, I guess I don’t mind, but it’s a plus that he doesn’t. If that makes sense.

Post # 13
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t give an iota of a crap if Darling Husband looks at porn. The way I see it, it’s less work that I have to do. 

Post # 15
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

HMMM i used to think it was ewwwieee and was so against it. 

Now i dont know, i dont care if he watches it. I know he does, however lol i ocassionaly get somewhat jelous i dont know why. I however watch it as well… I dont know if its bad but i enjoy it lol. am i dirty for this or is it normal. I feel weird watching it with him tho. 

If it really does bug you though, make sure you talk with him about it seriously,

Post # 16
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@UpstateCait:  Haha, that’s what crossed my mind, too.

My thoughts on porn?  M-E-H.  Porn addiction is an entirely different topic than watching porn, IMO.

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