(Closed) your thoughts on showers

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think this is personal preference.  I prefer for showers to be women and children only, however, I wouldnt be opposed to going to a co-ed shower.  

Post # 3
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

In my experience, the bridal shower is typically for the women only and no kids.  This doesn’t need to be stated on the invitation.  A baby shower is generally women and sometimes their kids, but can be co-ed if stated clearly on the invite.

 

ETA: The only time I’ve really ever been to a co-ed (wedding or baby) shower was when it was for coworkers.  The parties were held in a conference room and we all chipped in a little bit to get a gift and some cake/punch.  The invite was a meeting request sent by the project admin.  We held them for anyone getting married or adding to their family, regardless of the coworker’s gender, so quite a different scenario than a typical shower.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by AgileK9s.
  • This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by AgileK9s.
Post # 4
Member
2402 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

It doesn’t matter one way or the other for me. My baby shower was just women. We did the typical games and gifts, and it was fine for me.

I get that some people don’t like being the center of attention and having everyone oooh and ahhh over tiny clothes, so I understand the increasing popularity of couples showers. Couples showers that I have been to, are much more informal, and more like a BBQ with gifts (unwrapped,no opening presents in front of people). 

Post # 5
Member
5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
socalgirl1689:  Personal preference. I wanted all adult women at my bridal shower. I already had one like that and I feel like it was more relaxed. All the husbands stayed home with the kids and the women were actually able to enjoy themselves. It also let people be a little silly with “naughty” advice for me, which was hilarious and would have been super awkward with the guys there. Now my cousins decided to throw me a coed (I assume with kids) shower. I feel like it’s going to be just like a family BBQ where I happen to get presents. I think it’s going to be weird opening them with that many people but I wasn’t given a choice. 

Post # 6
Member
782 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I think it is up to you and your preference. For my bridal shower my fiance came at the end to open gifts with me because they are our gifts and I hate opening gifts in front of people. I never give the reaction people want to see when someone opens their gift.

Post # 7
Member
911 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

In my family, it’s all women, plus girl children. They always get excited about having a “girls only day” it’s cute.

But I do think having a co-ed shower is cool and definitely an option!

Post # 8
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee

Personally I absolutely hate showers, and I hate even more to be the center of attention. I would only agree to a shower if it was more like a party, i.e. my fiance, male family members and friends were invited so it wasn’t so formal.

But it’s really all personal preference. There are “traditions” but no hard and steadfast rules. 

Post # 9
Member
13929 posts
Honey Beekeeper

A bridal shower was only ever meant to be a very low key event, thrown by a friend or friend of the family, in honor of the bride and including only the  closest and most intimate friends and family. I think opening it up to spouses and SOs usually turns it into something much bigger and more over the top. In general, I’m not a fan.

 

Post # 10
Member
6606 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I find showers in general to be boring and annoying— lucky me, I get to come over and watch you open presents and sit around with a bunch of people I barely know!!! Joy!!!!!

Any chance to deviate from that tired old recipe feels great to me. So, while female-only showers do seem to be more common, I tend to have a better time at the co-ed showers, because they are more like actual parties and less like watching a live taping of QVC.

Post # 11
Member
5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
Horseradish:  “like watching a live taping of QVC” LMAO!!!!

I was surprised by how freaking awkward it is to open presents in front of people. I mean, other than as a child, I think I’ve only recieved like 3-5 gifts at a time on my birthday. 10-20 rather boring gifts is TOUGH to make exciting. It was super hard to find creative ways of saying “Oh, thanks for buying this thing I picked out for myself! Now I have THREE place settings! Hurrah!” 

Post # 12
Member
3214 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think whatever people want to do is fine, but just for myself, my views on bridal showers and baby showers are different.

I don’t really see the point of bridal showers. Especially for couples who already live together. I refused to have one for myself. The idea behind them originally was to help the couple start a home together, and virtually everyone I know who gets married has already been living independently as an adult, usually together, for years. So I think they’re kind of pointless. I’ve never seen a co-ed bridal shower, and I don’t really know what that would look like.

However, baby showers are another question, since they’re helping the parents prepare for a totally new life and new stage of their own lives. I love the idea of the community coming together to celebrate that and help new parents on their way. In this day and age, we WANT fathers to be equally involved caregivers, so I see no reason for showers to exclude them. And since I hate most shower games anyway, to me it just seems like a bonus if the presence of men means that nobody is microwaving chocolate bars onto diapers or forcing guests to guess baby food flavors.

That said, my own baby shower was all women, because DH HATES parties and being the center of attention. So, like I said – whatever works for the couple in question. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
5191 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

It depends on what the host can afford and accomodate, as well as the guest of honor’s preference. I am known as “the host” in the group. If there is a shower to be thrown, I’m on it. I always ask my guest of honor for the following:

1. Dates that work, and dates that should be avoided at all costs (I stick to this 100%)

2. Guest list (this may need to be negotiated if the expectations are unreasonable)

3. Preference for a home based or hall/restaurant based event (this one may also need to be negotiated)

4. Any special requests (I use my discretion)

As “the host” I’ve learned through the years that, unfortunately, people sometimes have unrealistic desires. For example one friend wanted a tea party at a tea house with a 45 person guest list. At $20 per guest, this simply was not reasonable. I gave her 2 options- she could have the tea party at the tea house and slash the list, or she could have a home-based party and keep the big list. She had to choose which one took priority.

As “the guest of honor” I only give input on the date, and supply guest addresses when asked. I do put in a special request that they try to have soy-free, dairy-free food options for me, because I have an unpleasant reaction when I eat foods with soy and dairy in them. But I also tell them that I will deal, if that simply is not possible. It’s unpleasant, but not lethal, and I don’t want to put my host out. That’s it.  My host makes the guest list (because that allows them to manage costs without me putting them in an awkward position). They decide where to host it, how to decorate it, etc. Life is much more pleasant when I let go of the reigns and simply enjoy what others do for me with a sense of gratitude and love.

For our upcoming baby shower, I will put in a special request that my hosts at least consider something co-ed. DH had to have testicular surgery in order to conceive this baby. He’s gone through hell and back to make our dream come true. It would mean the world to me to have an event that made him feel comfortable and fully included. But, at the same time, in the dead of winter there are space constratints in the homes of each of my hosts, and being just after the holidays there are budget restrictions as well. If co-ed cannot happen, then so be it.

Post # 14
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

View original reply
mightywombat:  I couldn’t agree more with you!  Particularly on baby showers and involving the fathers.

While less traditional, my view is that if you are opening gifts that you registered for as a couple, bridal or baby shower, then you should open them as a couple.  I realize this goes against the grain, and that some will object.  To each their own. 

My Fiance and I are currently struggling with this, on top of the fact that we have no local family (and very few local friends), and live in a small apartment.   Personal preference is to not have a shower, but my mom still wants to host one.  She is thinking about hosting a small brunch at a restaurant for any ladies that can make it, and make the shower to be less about gifts and games (dreaded ribbon bouquet) and more about quality time with the ladies.   Probably about 5 people, including me!  

 

Post # 15
Member
806 posts
Busy bee

 I think I would prefer an all ladies shower. Particularily with bridal, its more a girly event and we might talk about a lot of girly things and play scandalous games (not that Im much of a fan). The women also know what to get for a bride too, so I dont see why men would need to be there. It’s definitley a preference though.

Baby showers are the ones I have seen and been to that families are invited (couples and their children).

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