- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
It depends on what the host can afford and accomodate, as well as the guest of honor’s preference. I am known as “the host” in the group. If there is a shower to be thrown, I’m on it. I always ask my guest of honor for the following:
1. Dates that work, and dates that should be avoided at all costs (I stick to this 100%)
2. Guest list (this may need to be negotiated if the expectations are unreasonable)
3. Preference for a home based or hall/restaurant based event (this one may also need to be negotiated)
4. Any special requests (I use my discretion)
As “the host” I’ve learned through the years that, unfortunately, people sometimes have unrealistic desires. For example one friend wanted a tea party at a tea house with a 45 person guest list. At $20 per guest, this simply was not reasonable. I gave her 2 options- she could have the tea party at the tea house and slash the list, or she could have a home-based party and keep the big list. She had to choose which one took priority.
As “the guest of honor” I only give input on the date, and supply guest addresses when asked. I do put in a special request that they try to have soy-free, dairy-free food options for me, because I have an unpleasant reaction when I eat foods with soy and dairy in them. But I also tell them that I will deal, if that simply is not possible. It’s unpleasant, but not lethal, and I don’t want to put my host out. That’s it. My host makes the guest list (because that allows them to manage costs without me putting them in an awkward position). They decide where to host it, how to decorate it, etc. Life is much more pleasant when I let go of the reigns and simply enjoy what others do for me with a sense of gratitude and love.
For our upcoming baby shower, I will put in a special request that my hosts at least consider something co-ed. DH had to have testicular surgery in order to conceive this baby. He’s gone through hell and back to make our dream come true. It would mean the world to me to have an event that made him feel comfortable and fully included. But, at the same time, in the dead of winter there are space constratints in the homes of each of my hosts, and being just after the holidays there are budget restrictions as well. If co-ed cannot happen, then so be it.