All I know is that I have an incredibly fulfilling, loving, and wonderful marriage. My husband shows his love through words and action everyday. I feel, very, very blessed to be with such an emotionally aware, conscious, open, honest, caring, compassionate, loving and beautiful man. He was this way before marriage (or I would not have married him!) and he certainly has remained so afterward.
All I know is my own experience, but what works for us is a commitment to stay engaged and connected with each other, to listen, to remain curious, to be open to personal growth in ourselves and each other, and to foster the idea that our marriage is what WE make of it. We talk about everything. Important, unimportant, little, big, painful, joyful, hopeful, disappointed, deepest dreams and scariest fears. Everything. We did this when we were dating, as well, but we did not grow lazy after marriage and stop doing this! We continously strive to be authentic with each other, to know and be known.
We are very respectful and loving, even if we disagree on something. We work together as a team to tackle the tough things, and never attack each other. We are not the source of our difficulties, life throws sh!t our way sometimes, but we handle it as a team.
We married as we wanted to be together, as we felt we were life partners and wanted to be so, as we were ready as individuals and as a couple for it. It was not out of fear, insecurity, social expectations, and so forth, and therefore we have found it very “easy” to be married. While it does feel “different” in unexpected ways from when we were dating or living together, it has been in a very positive ways that we have embraced and enjoyed, rather than we felt were negative.
People tend to project their own experiences and fears on others. I would not give it much weight. If that is what your boss believes, there is little chance of changing his mind, and all you can do is live your life in the knowledge that you have and are experiencing something much different than he seems to assume. I have seen my share of pretty miserable and dysfunctional marriages as well, but the reason they are like this is not because they exchanged vows. There is much more to it than that.