- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
I came to a realization today that with what I am potentially spending on my wedding, I could pay for my school and also have some money in the bank in case of an emergency.
I have to preface this by saying that I love weddings, and even wedding planning. The wedding I have planned is beautiful, and everything I could hope for.
The guy I am marrying makes a great salary. On the flip side, he has a child with special needs whom he has to really contribute most of his income, in addition to the alimony he owes his ex.
I make ok money. I work with my family, and while I appreciate immensely my dad’s help, I also know that my dad refused to pay for school for me when I was younger. I got great grades in school, and it was always my dream to go to school. He is just somewhat controlling and wants me to stay dependent, I think.
I don’t make enough to save for school now (well unless it’s community college, whcih is not really my level – I am also 30+, so it shouldn’t be at this point!). My job with my dad is extremely monotonous, and I can’t see it being my future forever. I’d love to be able to contribute more financially to my marriage, and to have the pride of knowing I make my OWN money as opposed to relying on my dad.
So, I am really thinking hard about the wedding vs. paying for school. My dad said my fiance and I can use the money for whatever we want to use it for. My fiance is a romantic, and also comes from a culture where a big wedding is important. His parents paid for his previous wedding, so there is really no contribution from them. Which is fine. I love weddings, but I just keep thinking – after the big day, I am still going to have the same issues with the every day disliking of my job. I am giving up having a child to help my fiance with his child with special needs. My fiance is a good dad, so it’s not like I am in it alone taking care of his son.
My fiance was really upset when I talked to him about this. He said he feels like I don’t care about him and his family. Which I do. And keep in mind that I pay for myself COMPLETELY, except that now that I’ve moved in with him, I do not pay rent (but did pay my rent for the entire time we dated). I now do pay for the housekeepers. I don’t want to upset him or his family. I don’t really know his family that well – mostly because he says he doesn’t want us to. His ex ended up working with his mom- she still does – so I think he doesn’t want me to get too close to his family. My dad is financially able to help me with both school AND the wedding, but that’s not his choice. And I know I could do both myself. Except all I have as a job reference is wokring with family.
What would you do in this situation?