(Closed) Your wedding: if you had to do it all over again, would you? (financially)

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would use the money for savings and school.  My husband also comes from a big family who expected a large wedding.  My parents wouldn’t be able to afford that, and I didn’t want to deplete our savings for it (and it’s a good thing we didn’t because I was unemployed for 4 months during our engagement).  His parents ended up paying for most of the wedding, and I’m pretty sure we “made back” our personal contribution with cash gifts from the guests.  If they gave us a choice, we probably would have used the money for savings or maybe even a downpayment.  I loved our wedding, but I wouldn’t have chose it if I had the choice.  If his parents want the big wedding, they can pay.

Post # 4
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Hands down, education is far more important than a wedding. This is for a better future for you and your future family. So your Darling Husband should be supportive of that.

Post # 5
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999


Post # 6
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@lovesupreme:  Getting an education is a better way for you to help take care of him and his family,..

Post # 7
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

In answer to your title question, yes, if I had to do it all over again, I would do it exactly like the first time.

We paid for it ourselves and had an intimate 50 person wedding on a modest $5000 budget. Could we have spent far more than that? Sure, but that would have interfered with our other financial goals and plans for our future and conflicted with our overall priorities and values.

It sounds like a wedding of some kind is really important to your Fiance. Couldn’t you come up with some sort of compromise, whereby you put most of your Dad’s money to going to school, but still get to celebrate your marriage with your nearest and dearest? Your Fiance already had his big blowout wedding, and if that’s not what you truly want then he should respect that. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have a wedding at all!


Post # 8
11167 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

To answer your question, absolutely I would do it all over again in a heart beat. We had our dream wedding and while we had to pay for it we waited a long time and established ourselves financially so that we were able to have all that we had hoped for.

That being said my education was paid for so it wasn’t an either/or scenario. We had the money and so we had the fancy wedding. I would never sacrifice paying for my education to have a larger wedding, that just isn’t a smart move In My Humble Opinion.

Post # 9
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I would have definitely spent the money for my wedding again, but I don’t have the same financial obligations as you and your fiance.  In your situation, I would definitely commit my money to education over a fancy wedding. 


Post # 10
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Use some on a small wedding, save the rest and pay for school.

Post # 11
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@yellowshoe Co-Sign

Relationships and marriage are about compromise, you should be able to have a nice wedding without sacrificing your education in the process.  I hope it works out.

Post # 12
1446 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Honestly, it depends on what you want to go to school for ::hiding from the pro-education bees::

Here’s the truth: it’s really hard to find a job right now. Even with a bachelors (or a masters in my case), it’s incredibly difficult. When people tell me they want to go back to school for their dream degree in art history or sociology, I cringe. As much as we have college drilled into our heads, I think with the economy now it makes sense to go back to college if you are going to pick an in-demand degree (the people I know of that didn’t have a problem finding a job majored in engineering (not civil though), nursing, computer science, finance, teaching (although it depends on the area of the country), healthcare administration, and public administration). Of course this is just what I have noticed so please don’t take this as a comprehensive list. And of course there are sociology and art history majors who got great jobs straight out of college, I just don’t happen to know any.

I’m also not saying to put a ton of money into your wedding. We spent 6k and we were very happy we didn’t spend more. Do you plan on having kids? Will you be a stay-at-home mom? I guess there are a lot of things to consider. I think I would use a little for a wedding and put the rest in savings for now.

Post # 13
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would 100% do it all over again it I could. However when we got married we were still able to purchase a home and both had received our education. So for us we just think about how nice it would be to have that money is savins, but did not have to sacrafice an important factor such as education to have our wedding.

In your situation I would have a small intimate wedding or even a destination wedding and use the remaining money to pay for school.

Post # 16
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You say that a large wedding is important to his family but as he has already been married would they really expect this one to be big?  Now I am not saying that a 2nd or 23rd marriage should be small, but just that you could approach having a smaller wedding on the premise that this would enable you to get married AND put money towards education which would be useful for you. 

That being said, have you tried to apply for other jobs outside of your fathers business?? you never know you may find s company that would be interested.  Talk to a couple of employment agencies who work in your field and see what they would advise you. 


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