(Closed) You're a girlfiriend, do you expect to be a bridesmaid?

• inspiration86
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: June 2014

@Fiberoptic:  ok, even if I met this one girl only 3 times and I will probably only see her one time before the wedding?! Plus she will only show up for a wedding (like a normal guest) and will miss my bachelorelle and bridal shower (two parties that BMs organize). A bit not fair then to be honored as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I already have 2 people from grooms side, and 3 of my friends.

Does tis girl care about supporting me as the bride and helping me planning the wedding? I don’t feel this. I think she would definitely want to be with her BF who is a groomsmen, so that is why she might want to be in a bridal party, bt then again, she is more on a groom’s side, not really MY friend. If her BF broker up with her, I would not even bother to talk with her, not to mention when I sent her FB request after we met, she did not accept, so I did my part of reaching out to her!

Problem is, my Fiance already has 6 goroomsmen and might get another one, so I have less BMs and cannot play this card that we have even numbers!

I’m so stubborn, but then I am not a pushover. I would not expect somebody to place me in her bridal party only because so I can sit with my SO at the head table and be a part of pro photos, not even helping the bride with any of the preparations. I guess Future Mother-In-Law does not think this way. They want to include everybody, yet Mother-In-Law made me feel excluded few times before, so she does not get to preach to the choir if she does not practice this.

 

 

 

• inspiration86
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: June 2014

@mepayne:  Yeah, I will maybe see her once time before the wedding. She is young and uses facebook every day. I sent her FB request after we met and after 3 months of no response I cancelled it.. During that time I waited to be accepted, I saw this girl liked my SIL’s every photo! I told this to my Fiance and he said “she might not know who you are” Are you f** kidding me? Sure, my name is very difficult (but original) but my Fiance has only 3 siblings, so come on… ANyways, she also did not even send me a FB request, as well!

I am SO angry being in this situation. I hope Mother-In-Law would realize this is ruining my reationshio with her, and she would put my happiness (her future daughter in law) over some GF’s feelings!

My Fiance did not react well to it, he just does not want to deal with his persistent mother. I might just pick one of my less good friends as my Bridesmaid or Best Man, so Fiance and I have equal number of BMs and GMs. Anything, but that girl in my bridal party! She would miss my bachelorette and shower, coz she lives far away. And she wants to be a BM??!

• inspiration86
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: June 2014

@MRSsrm85:  You summed it right! I am on the last page of the favorites, that Girlfriend is more liked by Mother-In-Law. How sad, right? Mother-In-Law putting her feeling above mine.

 

@MlleDarcy: Yes, they’ve been 2 years together but I met that girl 3 times. Mother-In-Law was hoping that her son will propose to that Girlfriend before we even got engaged! We are much older, and have been together for much longer than them. I got the satisfaction by getting engaged first. Now this girl is only a Girlfriend. I worry if get get engaged before our wedding Mother-In-Law would have more of the argument that I should choose that girl. That is why I invited all BMs now and so it is a closed deal. Plus, if Mother-In-Law keeps pushing, I’ll tell her if she cares so much for this girl feeling, then it is obvious now that she would be the last one to get asked, meaning that she was UNWANTED bridesmaid.. who would want that?!

I bet $100 that if the tables were turned, I would not be asked to be a bridesmaid of that girl. That is why I do not wat to ask her, so then I’d expect she asked me, but then she would not and I’d be hurt. If she will ask me, then I’ll give her a credit for being nice. Yet, I still want to stick to my guns, because I feel very uncomfortable with including somebody I don;t know.

• inspiration86
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: June 2014

@veryberry13:  Having read so many posts about who to choose as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I can tell what is appropriate. Bride can choose who she wants and if somebody is upset, they should NOT tell this to the bride, because it is rude. It sounds simple, yet I know there can be some exceptions or variations to this. I keep chaning my attitude about my situaion. At first, I was angry that my choice is taken away, then I felt bad that I actually might leave this girl out and caouse the tension in the family, now I try to communicate in the assertive way how I feel. I feel UNCOMFORTABLE having to ask somebody I barely know. Somebody who never reached out to me. People might talk behind my back about my choice, but then again what do they know bout my relationship. It is my wedding, they will go to many weddings. I want to be happy. Somebody gave a good point. Let’s not play favorites by Future Mother-In-Law. Why put a guest’s happiness over somebody’s who is getting married.

Just after we got engaged I was so happy to plan this wedding and bond with Future Mother-In-Law. The moment she mentioned her favorite Girlfriend, I am avoiding Future Mother-In-Law and I am not excited about the upcoming wedding AT ALL. All I can think of is the opportunities when Future Mother-In-Law will mention persistenly about including that girl. WTF?!?!? Basically, Future Mother-In-Law has no idea how she is ruining this for me and Fiance. I will tell her (nicely). If she loves me as she claims (and hopefully more than I think she does) then she should understand. After all, I am becoming her future daughter in law, not that girl. Ha!

I feel better taking about this now. Once I got stuck to this drama, it bothers me every day for over a month now!!!!!!!!!!! I have to let go. I have to tell people how I feel. I have to be assertive and set boundaries.