(Closed) You're abusing the system comment from my "friend"

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 59
2253 posts
Buzzing bee

She’s in a tough spot and hurt. 

Let it go.

Post # 60
3884 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

What she said was obviously not true, but I can see how it could have come across that you were saying you didn’t get enough baby bonus, regardless of whether you meant it like that or not. Your combined income is literally 15 times hers so she lashed out. She is in a stressful situation. I think you should both forget it and move on, and maybe don’t talk about money in future! 

Post # 61
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Rydges Hotel

I really don’t understand why your friend got so angry that you shared an article on FB and said the government shoulder glammourize the 18month maternity leave since people only get 33% of their salary which means not everyone get afford 18months off. Why would anyone get angry about that?

And I don’t think you are “abusing” the system when it is the same system that says you are entitled to the baby bonus. Maybe your friend had a hard day and misinterpreted what you were saying? 


Post # 62
217 posts
Helper bee

railroaderwifeyxo :  Your post has been thoroughly replied to- I only read the first few pages so my apologies if this response overlaps.

I wouldn’t say that you would be abusing the system- as pp has said, someone abusing the system would be doing something illegal to get their pay. This discussion you had with your friend reminds me of the “equality” vs “equity” debate. You only make 20k more than her- if you were by yourself, you would NEED more money to support yourself and your baby comfortably. The whole point of bonuses in addition to employment insurance is that you live comfortably, in a sense that you have your basic needs met without too much struggle. As a unit, your income is 140k above your friend’s. She Is eligible to receive up to 10k extra in bonuses a year which still keeps her below your 30k wage. 

Not everyone is deserving of the same treatment to meet basic needs, as you are meeting many of your own needs. You have different needs, but they do not all fall under “basic” needs. As a tax payer, you may see that there is a disadvantage for you as you cannot afford to take 18 months off without downsizing your home. It is unfortunate that you have to downsize, but it’s relative. I didn’t see any details in your initial post about what downsizing means- 3500 sq ft to 1500? That would still be living very comfortably and an adjustment you need to make in this phase of your life to be able to save for your child’s future by not living too frivolously at this very moment. This is all just an example. 

Post # 62
9964 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Shit, I’m moving to Canada ya’ll!!

Post # 63
2659 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I’m pretty sure in that income bracket all you’ll get it like $100 a month unti, she starts school. You can’t abuse child tax unless youre hiding income.

Post # 64
68 posts
Worker bee

julies1949 :  Ah! that makes so much more sense now! (No where near family planning stages in my life, so I wasn’t really researching too hard and was like… where is the incentive to even have kids if you don’t actually get income support the whole time you are on leave?!)

Post # 68
7371 posts
Busy Beekeeper

railroaderwifeyxo :  You’re a good friend and it was bump in the road. I’m happy you are staying focused and not letting this divide you futher.  Moving forward, no more talk to ANYONE about your households income. People are really funny about it, as you can see. 

Post # 71
4979 posts
Honey bee

railroaderwifeyxo :  Yay! I’m glad the misunderstanding is over. I say both of you misunderstood the other and now you all can move on. Congrats on the baby for her! 🙂

Post # 72
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

How does she live on 10 k a year much less have a baby… thats not even minimum wage that’s what I want to know. I mean I assume she was perfectly capable of at least working full time on minimum wage to help her situation

Post # 73
2091 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I am not going to comment on the political/governmental side at all. I am a US bee. Have you noticed that some of the US bees have a hard time sympathizing with your side because our situations are totally different? I think your friend is feeling similarly. Don’t comment on what she said. I think she is frustrated with her situation, and she is probably jealous that you are more well off than she is currently (either way you are working with 2 incomes). That is, if you plan to continue with the friendship. I NEVER discuss finances with friends. I would always dance around it because I don’t want to compare. I am not sure she knows what you guys earn, but she will if you try to defend the 100k and up families. I would let this slide if I wanted to stay friends.

Post # 74
4258 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

I am Canadian too.  I beleive all families under the 200k income recieve the child care bonus, the amount of course varies based on income and number of children.  It is not abusing the system, lol.  Your friend may not like the fact that you make so much more than her, and think that it is enough, but luckily for us, she doesn’t get to decide what “middle class” is, nor does she get to determine what payments from the federal government are appropriate or not.  She is well below the poverty line, I suspect she would be receiving social assistance.  It is impossible to surive on 10k a year.  She must have money coming in from some other place.

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