Post # 1
Do you and your partner openly and honestly discuss each others weight or appearance?
Do you wish your partner would speak up more or would you prefer him/her to speak up less/not at all?
Do you speak up when you feel like your partner is gaining weight or ect.?
Post # 2
I think we both recognize that we’re not skinny minnies, but we’re not anywhere near morbidly obese. But it’s not like we pretend that the little bellies we have are not there!
I do talk about his weight, but more from a health standpoint. If left to his own devices, he will eat like crap and have 10 Cokes a day. I have really gotten on him about the Coke. I cook, so he eats much better now (and lost 6 pounds our first married month), but I can’t control his soda habits. One a day? No big deal. But he has several a day and it’s all he really drinks, so he is dehydrated on top of that. I tell him so. He knows I hate it. And any time he brings up his own weight, I’ll tell him all he needs to do is lay off the soda and it’ll drop.
But again, it’s not from a appearance stand point. I think the man is handsome! He’s a little heavy, but I like a little meat. I don’t think he looks bad at all. I just want him to have a long and healthy life and stick around!
He doesn’t comment on my weight really. Sometimes I’ll say something negative about my own weight, and he’ll just tell me I’m beautiful and he’s happy. I appreciate it. I’m pretty content with my size, but I wouldn’t be if I was any bigger. If I gained 20 pounds and wasn’t doing anything to combat it, I’d hope he’d gently encourage me to be more fit and healthy. And if my appearance stayed this way but I was eating crap and not moving in the day, I’d also hope he’d encourage me to more fit and healthy.
That is what matters to me. I face the fact that I will always be a little heavier. But if I can be active and I eat well, I’m happy with it, and I hope he is too.
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI
Neither of us really speaks up directly about the others weight because we’re both aware of what we weigh.
For example, Fiance has already commented himself about the fact he’s put on weight in the last year. I also knew around December that I was getting to a weight I was no longer comfortable at so I made some changes and have lost 12 lbs since then.
Fiance already complains that his mother always seems to point out he’s gained weight and should do something about it. So if he’s already hearing stuff like that from her I don’t want to add anything to that annoying him.
However, for myself I’ve made a lot of healthier lifestyle changes that long term I hope will benefit both Fiance and myself. But I can’t dictate what he eats or how much exercise he gets. I do encourage him to work out a little more by asking him to come to the gym with me and on weekends we go hiking when we can. He gets very defensive and upset if I say much more than that…
I wouldn’t really want him to speak up more or less about my weight but I would like him to be a little more supportive of my efforts to eat healthy and hit the gym more
Post # 4
I guess I didn’t explain why I added the word “appearance”
In addition to weight do you comment on appearance. For example: “your hair would look better if you did it differently” or “your make up is a little heavy”
My husband and I just prefer to speak up and like each others opinion. He is great about reminding me about my health and I am good about reminding him to put effort into his appearance. I constantly “let myself go” and he often reaches for a ripped/dirty shirt.
Now that I have explained the appearance part would you mind giving your thoughts? 🙂
Post # 5
I tell me DH when his hair is getting too long and needs a cut and he has been known to comment on my weight. Im underweight and he lets me know when he thinks i have lost even more than usual for me.
Post # 6
Oh man I would kill him if he mentioned my weight. I am just my own biggest critic about that and if I gain weight… I am 200% aware of it, and already feel bad about it. Don’t need comments from him. I feel like he understands that on his own … Because lose or gain he’s always saying “you’re beautiul then/now/no matter what”
i wouldn’t care if he gained so long as it wasn’t going to affect his health. I’ve seen pics of heavier days and he was still an absolute stud.
Post # 7
I do mention when he needs to do some fur maintainence: haircut, beard trim, de- unibrow. It doesn’t offend him.
Post # 8
we are completely honest with each other about things like that. If we are going out my DH will tell me if he likes the way I styled my hair or if i went too heavy on the eye makeup for his liking. Sometimes I change it for him, but not always. If he puts a shirt on that I hate(and he has a few of those) I usually point out a. Shyer shirt.
about our weights, I have an obsession about dieting and the scale that I’m trying to control so no he doesn’t comment on my size. i love the way my hubby looks even with the little bit of weight that he has put on. He is trying to change his eatin habits and I’m so proud of him whenever he comes running with me. He gets enough nasty non helpful comments from his mom and his brother. I’m just supportive of what he wants to do And he knows that I only want him to make healthier choices.
Post # 9
Definitely comment on appearance too! His hair will get too long and he will go 2 weeks without shaving, and I’ll tell him he needs to shave or get a haircut. He doesn’t seem bothered. And really, the beard hurts, so it’s also about that. Hah. He also has some trousers that are awkwardly short, and I commented on that.
As for me, he hardly notices appearance. He’ll make a comment if he especially likes something I wear, but otherwise he won’t. He’ll make an occasional remark about my hair, but usually more in that it feels nice rather than appearance.
When we were just friends I remember asking him about his preferences as far as looks, make up, clothes, hair, and he really couldn’t tell me anything other than she needs to have a nice face and smile. He truly notices very few details. Ha!
I sometimes wish he cared a little more and could give me an opinion on things, but that’s what girlfriends are for.
Post # 10
We don’t really talk about weight unless the other one does and then instead of being like ‘yeah, you’re right.. you’ve totally been getting chunky’ or something rude like that, we’ll just say something like ‘well let’s try to pick up some healthier foods at the grocery store and we won’t get any chips or unhealthy snacks’. I don’t want to be told I’m gaining weight and neither does he, but we also don’t want the other one denying if it is something that could continue and affect health. We just try to acknowledge the other person and ‘agree’ by suggesting solutions and move forward. At one point he was gaining weight pretty rapidly and I mentioned it gently because I was concerned that he had a thyroid issue or something (he was having other symptoms as well). At another point, I was very sick with an illness for about two years that no one could manage to diagnose or figure out. I dropped 45lbs in a few months and he definitely was worried and would mention to me that he was worried about how skinny I was. He wasn’t mean or saying I needed to eat more or that I looked gross, but he was letting me know his concern even though it was out of our control. I think it’s a pretty good balance and it comes from a place of health/habit concerns, not just nitpicking appearance.
I keep my hair long so he doesn’t comment on me needing haircuts, but he’ll mention if my makeup isn’t blended. I really love that he isn’t afraid to (nicely) let me know, because it saves me embarassment later. I’ll comment on his hair if it’s getting a bit long and he needs a hair cut and he appreciates that.
Post # 11
Doesn’t bother us. He jiggles my tummy flub and I play with his moobs. Nothing is off limits between us as long as we aren’t being cruel about it.
Post # 12
We’re both in good shape but our weight has fluctuated over the last 10 years. I don’t think he would EVER dream of speaking negatively about my weight, nor would I to him.
Even when I’m pregnant, the furthest it goes is him saying, “you’re starting to get a belly!” …but it’s lovingly.
We both have no problem telling one another when an outfit isn’t quite right though. lol And he always compliments my hair when I get it done (except the one time I had a dye-job go wrong, and ended up with chocolate brown hair instead of blonde).
Post # 13
Yes, openly discuss weight and appearance. Fiance has ALWAYS been rail thin and could eat whatever he wants, but now that he’s getting a bit older it’s catching up to him. So he talks about it, how he goes up a pants size, etc. I usually don’t point it out, but just try to support him when he says anything like that (i.e., maybe you should try X, Y, or Z). I still like the way he looks! I will also comment if he’s getting scruffy (mostly because it hurts). Otherwise, I usually compliment his clothes, how his hair looks, or how he looks.
He usually never says anything negative about my appearance. He knows I’m trying to lose weight so he’s aware I have extra weight I’m trying to get off. As he sees me lose weight (11 lbs so far!) he notices and tells me. He says I look great no matter what though so even if I complain about it, he never says anything bad. He will tell me he doesn’t like something if I ask (like my hair or shoes), and I know what I wear that isn’t his style, but it usually doesn’t keep me from wearing it at times 😛 He usually notices when I put effort into my appearance and says so, but if I don’t, he won’t say anything.
Post # 14
My fiance still has the metabolism where he can eat whatever and not get fat, but he’s pretty health and body conscious anyway so if he did start to put on weight I’m sure he’d notice before I said anything. I’m also health and body conscious (ha, I say having just wolfed down chips, ice cream and chocolate) so it wouldn’t be weird if I told him ‘I’m feeling fat, we’re gonna eat healthy for a while and go on a couple more runs’. I do tell him if his hair looks weird etc., and I wouldn’t mind if he the same for me but I think he’s a bit oblivious!
Post # 15
yes, more so him with me though. he has a super fast metabolism, i mean he eats crap to be honest but it doesn’t go anywhere! (jealous-yes i am). the only thing i do say to him is to stop eating crap and lets eat healthy-just because your slim doesn’t mean your healthy. you can be slim and still have diabetes, high cholesterol, etc.
He will openly tell me when I should watch what i eat. Last time he said that to me was when we came back from our honeymoon, but he had said we both gained weight and understandbly so because we were on our honeymoon and we should enjoy ourselves, but back to reality, we need to lose the weight we have gained. So he doesn’t say it in a way where its hurtful