(Closed) You're Gaining weight babe!

posted 7 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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MrsBuesleBee:  same. I am waaaaay to sensitive about this topic.

My Fiance is blessed to come from a family of perfect genetics as far as weight. His super tall, model-skinny sister was back to teeny-tiny 10 days after giving birth to each of her babies. Fiance can eat whatever he wants and still be very thin. And he is very critical of others who are overweight. I am NOT that way. When I was young I was, but now I have to be much more aware of what I put in my mouth. 

Sometimes Fiance makes critical comments like “are you really going to finish that?” and I get pretty mad at him. I grew up watching my dad say horrible, critical things to my mom about her weight, so I’m super sensitive about it. I’ve had to set rules with my Fiance about what he is allowed to say (e.g. only make supportive comments, and not any negative ones). He is supposed to be my supporter, not my critic. 

But in other areas, we are much more open. He constantly remarks about my hairy legs when I dont shave and I gently tell him when I dislike his haircut 😉

Post # 32
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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Payless:  Not really. We are both slim and even when my weight goes up a little he doesn’t mind or even see it when I can. My only comments on his physique are when his arms get bigger or shoulders seem broader. Both are a plus! Or the weird thing is that he seems taller, yet again. Either he is still getting taller (and is in his thirties), or maintaining the illusion of still growing!

Post # 33
Member
1417 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

Fiance and I will keep each other in check.  We don’t let it hurt our feelings because we don’t take it personally.  If I think he’s gained a little bit, I tell him not to eat Taco Bell today when he asks what I want from TB.  Or visa versa.  If I’m getting a snack from the kitchen at night, he’ll tell me I don’t need it.  

I guess some people get bent out of shape about that, but we look at it like we’re helping each other stay healthy.  🙂

Post # 34
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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Payless:  oh I forgot about the appearance bit! he does the standard telling me im beautiful, pretty.. or fit haha when he really likes whatever I’m wearing! I tell him he’s handsome all the time. He never believes me. He always says he likes my hair straight, and sometimes he then says he notices I straightened it because he likes it like that.

Post # 35
Member
2677 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

We don’t say anything about each other’s weight.  We are both well aware when we’ve let ourselves go haha.

As far as appearance,  he never criticizes mine, but I’ll tell him when his facial hair starts getting out of control or if we almost leave the house & he’s forgotten about his bed head or something 😉

Post # 36
Member
7426 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’m super critical of myself, so any comments from DH will not be well received…especially now that I’ve had a baby!

Post # 37
Member
4027 posts
Honey bee

We don’t really see a need to comment on it much. DH is happy with whatever weight I am (though I am fairly fit) and I generally wear nice clothing. I will comment if DH’s beard is getting scruffy or hair is getting long, but he is good about staying well groomed.

We are open about many things with each other, but physical appearance isn’t one we really need to discuss.

Post # 38
Member
3354 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m of the belief that if your SO can’t tell you such things, who can? DH and I are completely open about our comments to each other.

Post # 39
Member
5282 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

We are both stubborn people so in years past comments like “i think you are gaining weight” or something along the line were not effective, we just got defensive. 

Recently we have both decided to get our butts on track. I started WW last year and started working out and at first the husband didn’t change anything. I never said anything b/c I knew he would start when he was ready; same with me. Now we praise each other for working our and eating right and when weight loss is noticable we celebrate each other. 

As far as appearance we tell each other stuff all the time. If his hair looks crazy or his shirt is too tight or loose I let him know. Same with me, he won’t say an outfit looks bad, he usually says “it’s not my favorite outfit” which means he hates it. I don’t mind b/c I like to look cute and I want him to think I look cute too, so I would rather know then not know. 

Post # 40
Member
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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Payless:  We talk about it a lot lately because I wouldnt mind losing 10-15 more pounds (I’ve lost about 8 already). I want…no NEED him to be honest. If I look chubby…tell me honey! Just like you would tell me if I look great. It helps me stay in check. With that being said..I don’t want him to say “Hey, youre looking fatter lately”, haha. He says things like “Hey honey, just being honest I noticed that you’ve been skipping the gym lately” thats all I need.

I do the same for him…which isnt often because then man has like 5 percent body fat or something crazy like that. But we are open about it for sure!

Post # 41
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

No, we don’t raise the issue. We know when we’re gaining weight, and we know it’s because of how we’ve been eating/not exercising. We gain together, so it’s not a surprise to either of us when it does happen. We will talk about eating better and working out, but that’s it. DH is REALLY sensitive about his weight (and so I am) so we choose to be positive about it rather than point out flaws.

Post # 42
Member
1648 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

Neither one of us is sensitive about our weight, so no, we’d have no problem pointing that out.  Regarding his appearance, I really don’t care how he wears his hair or clothes, so am pretty laid back about that kind of stuff.  If his breath stinks, I just give him a mint without saying anything lol

Post # 43
Member
1001 posts
Bumble bee

My partner has a chronic weight problem – he is unable to gain weight, and is right on the borderline of being underweight.  He eats and eats, and just barely manages to gain a pound.  He had surgery last year, and had to be on a mostly liquid (graduated to gruel after four days) diet for a only week, and he lost 20 pounds!  If he doesn’t eat every 2-3 hours, he gets dizzy and sometimes will vomit.  We suspect that he’s has hyperactive thyroid (because of some of his other symptoms), but he’s never been tested because he hates going to the doctor.  He doesn’t have any blood sugar problems (I have a glucose monitoring kit, and we have monitored his glucose with it to see if there was a connection there), so that’s not causing the dizziness/nausea.

I, on the other hand, am chronically overweight.  I am insulin resistant, and have PCOS and metabolic syndrome.  It is incredibly difficult for me to lose weight, and if I slip for even a moment in regulating my diet, I immediately start to gain weight.  It is very, very frustrating.  It is something that I have struggled with my entire life (I was diagnosed with insulin resistance and PCOS at 14).

Because my partner can eat whatever he wants, whenever he wants, he sometimes has trouble understanding the fact that I have to be careful about what I eat, and when.  We spent a lot of time early in our relationship in a kind of standoff where he was convinced that his approach to food (eat it all, all the time, with no concern about what he was eating) was the cause of his low weight, and tried to convince me that if I just ate MORE, and more often, I would lose weight, and it wouldn’t matter what I ate.  It took quite some time to convince him that just because that approach worked for him (and his extremely fast metabolism) didn’t mean that it would work for me (and my extremely slow, extremely messed up metabolism). 

I do sometimes get irritated by his habit of “policing” my food choices.  I understand that it’s his way of trying to be supportive when he knows I’m trying to stick to a dietary decision (because of the insulin resistance and metabolic syndrome, I eat a ketogenic diet, and sometimes that’s hard to maintain), but I also feel like I’m an adult and if I decide to deviate from my dietary restrictions, it should be my decision, and I don’t need him chastising me for it.

Sometimes I say I’m jealous of his fast metabolism, but he also expresses that he’s jealous of my slow metabolism.  I used to spend $80-100 a month on food when I was on my own.  That’s it.  Conversely, he had to spend over $360 a month on food for just himself when he was on his own, and that was just for his breakfast, lunch, and dinner during the week – that didn’t include the amount he had to budget in for snacks, meals on weekends, or if he decided to treat himself.  And it wasn’t that he ate food that was considerably more expensive than what I ate – he lived off of microwaved macaroni and burritos, peanut butter and jelly, and frozen pizzas, for the most part.  I was eating better food!  I just didn’t have to eat it as often.

 

Post # 44
Member
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Oh ya we are really open about that kind of stuff. Not in a critical way, but because we are each others support team. We are pretty open about what we weigh, what our goals are, etc.

And even more so the more temporary things….like when I get back from the gym he will be sure to let me know that i am sweaty, stinky and gross and need a bath. Or if i ate fish for dinner he will let me know my breathe is fishy and i should brush before we kiss….and i make sure to let him know he needs to fix his hair before we go out or needs to change his shirt…whatever the case may be. I think a lot of it is attitude though. We do it in a lighthearted playful manner….(when im sweaty from the gym thats when i smoother him with hugs the most ha…) its never in a critical, mean way. Its all in the other person’s best interest, you know? I would be so embaressed if I needed deoderant and didnt notice and went out to a function…and my Fiance noticed and didn’t tell me. We have each other’s backs.

we make it clear to each other that we love each other even at our grossest.

Post # 45
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Fiance never, ever says anything about my weight nor do I about his. Granted, we’re both pretty thin and neither of us needs to lose weight (although I’m still trying).

Fiance comes from a very weight-conscious family, and his mom, dad and oldest brother will (and do) make rude comments about people who are overweight. They also talk about calories and working out all the time – it’s really annoying. I’m especially sensitive when I hear these conversations, because my mom is somewhat overweight due to a thyroid condition. She exercises and eats incredibly healthy food, but she really can’t lose much weight due to her metabolic/thyroid problems. Fiance knows it makes me really mad when his family talks about “fat people,” and generally agrees with me. 

Somehow, he ended up with a very healthy attitude regarding weight/body image, and that’s something I’m very thankful for.

I WILL tell him if I think his hair is cut too short, or if his clothes don’t match (he asks me to watch for that – the man has no sense of what colors do and don’t clash), but that’s about it.

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