(Closed) You’re getting engaged ALREADY?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3261 posts
Sugar bee

I understand your concern, but unfortunately its none of your business if your friend chooses to get engaged now. I got engaged after 4 months of dating my fiance and we have a great relationship. To each their own.

Post # 4
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Express your concern but delicately. Don’t suggest that she do anything just say something along the lines of I’m glad you’re happy, he seems nice/ good (only if ture). But I am concerned this is moving a little fast. And see what she says.

Post # 5
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

It’s none of your business at all. If you see a red flag you can point that out, but the fact that you just don’t like how fast it’s moving is petty.

Post # 6
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I think the only thing you can ask/say is how the kids like him/ how are they handling the news/etc. It will get her thinking about the kids if she hasnt and if she has you will feel better when she answers.

Post # 7
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

sometimes it just happens that fast. if you know what you want and you know it’s right, why wait?

FH and I got the same response from alot of people. We actually got engaged three days after meeting in person (though we had been online friends for a while). We skipped the boyfriend/girlfriend step.

Post # 8
Member
6512 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t know.  I have a friend who got out of a bad relationship, dated and got engaged to a guy almost immediately afterward, on a very similar timeline tot he OP’s friend.  A lot of us were concerned about how fast it was moving, but I don’t know if anyone said anything because we were all worrtied about doing so.  Now she is incredibly unhappy in her marriage and considering divorce strongly.  I feel like if it wasn’t so rushed she would have gotten out before, or at least been in a better place with herself before entering into such a huge commitment.  So I don’t think concern with things moving so fast is petty. 

I agree with @vmec:‘s advice.  If I was in your shoes now, after seeing what happened to my friend, I’d invite her over for a glass of wine or three and just talk.  She might bring it up before you even get a chance to, but if not, gently let her know your concern. 

Post # 9
Member
10714 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I got out of my previous engagement and started dating my Fiance within 2 weeks. He proposed after we had been together 8 months and we have a pretty awesome relationship and my son loves him so I honestly think it’s different for everyone. I wouldn’t worry about it moving too fast.

Post # 9
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

At this point you don’t see anything wrong other than how fast it’s moving. So I think it would be a little inappropriate to say anything other than how happy you are that she was able to find love so fast.

Try to keep an open mind when you meet him this weekend. Your attitude should be focused on being happy for her and giving him and the situation the benefit of the doubt. Unless you think she and her kids are in physical danger from this man, you really have no right to say anything negative.

Post # 10
Member
3799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You don’t want to be the person to tell them that they are moving too fast. Let that be up to someone else. All you can do is act happy/surprised when he proposes and be there for her is something happens and they split later on down the road. I understand your concerns, but there really is nothing you can do, aside from NOT being that person that says something to her.

Post # 11
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@rosworms: THIS!!

FH and I pretty much did the same thing. We were friends for 6 years, dated for two months (about a week after I broke up with my previous bf), and then got engaged..when you know, you know! Now if there were huge red flags, like abuse or money issues (gold-digging, etc.), then I would be concerned. But you said the guy is a stand-up guy, so maybe just invite her over to talk and ask her how she’s feeling. Make sure you hear her side first before you offer advice – her explanation may change your opinion.

Post # 12
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011
Post # 13
Member
13 posts
Newbee

Well, my current b/f has stated, “A confident man will know if the woman he is with is ‘the one’ in about 6 months.” 

This was really weird to me, coming out of a man’s mouth.  I am the total opposite — I like taking time with relationship things.  And he knows that.  But that’s just personal preference.  If people know what they want, let them go for it.  And yes, as others have said, please don’t be the one to tell her it’s going too fast.  She’s an adult, and can make her own decisions.  You’re not her mother.  Try to respect what she’s doing.  Of course you’re her friend and so want to look out for her best interest, but this is a subject that people can get too easily offended over.

Post # 13
Member
13 posts
Newbee

Well, my current b/f has stated, “A confident man will know if the woman he is with is ‘the one’ in about 6 months.” 

This was really weird to me, coming out of a man’s mouth.  I am the total opposite — I like taking time with relationship things.  And he knows that.  But that’s just personal preference.  If people know what they want, let them go for it.  And yes, as others have said, please don’t be the one to tell her it’s going too fast.  She’s an adult, and can make her own decisions.  You’re not her mother.  Try to respect what she’s doing.  Of course you’re her friend and so want to look out for her best interest, but this is a subject that people can get too easily offended over.

Post # 14
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

Darling Husband and I got engaged pretty stinking quick BUT had been friends for YEARS before starting to date.

Both of us are really invovled in our young adults group and even though alot of them I’m not super close with.. I’d hope that if any of them had concerns that they would have brought it up to either of us & not just stood by thinking that we were making a huge mistake and possibly hurting ourselves.

I know that a couple of them asked if Darling Husband was confident in becoming a step-dad since I have a lo and really I’m glad they did… it shows me that they care about us, and I can trust that if we started heading down in a wrong directions that we wouldn’t just be left to our own demise.

If this girl is your friend then she is your business b/c you care about her and she expects/trusts that you care about her…. otherwise you wouldn’t be friends.

I would take the above suggestion of getting together and just talking… I wouldn’t be afraid to ask her some tough questions, b/c really she may not have thought about them.

Whatever you do, be sure to keep your heart about being concerned with her and loving her, and not about how she may or may not react… anytime we confront someone (close or not) there’s always chance of them getting offended and not taking it well….. BUT I’m not one to think that this should deter us from loving them… and not just saying we care about them but actually stepping out in the uncomfortable and showing that we care about them.

Whatever you decide Goodluck

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