(Closed) You’re not going to believe what my mom wants to do…

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

Call the asylum and get the straight jacket because your mom has lost it.

I would just wait it out and see how many RSVP by the deadline.  If you are REALLY close to your limit, I would call those to whom you did not send the invites and tell them the truth of exactly what happened.  Apologize and say that you were not consulted before they were sent invites and that your venue simply won’t hold them.  I’m sorry this is such a difficult situation your mom has placed you in.  No matter what you’re bound to look like the bad guy!

Post # 4
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I find it funny that your mom said that they shouldn’t expect to have lunch since they can’t follow instructions.  Sounds like your mom should follow her own advice. 

Everything will work itself out.  if I was in your shoes.  I would make sure my mom knew how hurt I was that she did this behind my back. I hope that your parents are right about the people not showing.  I’m having this concern with my grandma.  I love her to death, but I had to finally tell her that she couldn’t invite ANYone to the wedding till we knew what was going on.  I want to have a small intimate wedding. My grandma wants a big she-bang.  Which would be nice if my Fiance and I weren’t the only ones paying for our OWN wedding.

Best of luck my dear.

Post # 5
Member
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your mom is hilarious!  If she were to do that at the ceremony someone should record it! 

Honestly, though, my inlaws invited people that we weren’t ever planning on inviting, they were on like a Z list, and they didn’t consult us.  We were also over max capacity at that point and to "make room" they called a family of 5 we invited and uninvited their kids without our knowledge!  This happened like 3 days before the wedding and my husband was FURIOUS!  He yelled at his parents like he’s never yelled before.  His mom showed up to our house early the next morning in tears and trying to give us a check that would cover the cost of dinner for her two guests thinking it would make everything right.  We paid for our whole wedding ourselves and FINALLY she wants to throw a couple hundre bucks at us because she screwed up, no way!  We still said no and told her she needed to uninvite the people she invited.  She said she was so embarassed and stuff, but we said she should have been embarassed for univiting people we invited without our knowledge.  In the end none of those people came because of the whole mess. 

So yeah, my only advice would be for her to uninvite the people she shouldn’t have invited and she should be the one to explain to them what she did and say she wasn’t supposed to do it.  Otherwise, I’m not sure what you can do.

Post # 6
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Wow…I agree she’s losing it.  And of course you can’t tell people they can’t eat.

 I’m with MightySapphire on waiting until you have a full count.  I would think that the Yes RSVPs are the first to come in b/c those people are already making arrangements etc (I’m sure other Bees who’ve already sent invites would know for sure).  So very likely you’ll be fine.  How many "no’s" have you gotten?

Then, if you’re close, can you talk to your venue?  I mean, if 155 people show up are they going to call the fire dept on you?  See if you can arrange a few extra meals and some chairs stashed on the side.

If you are way over max I suspect you’ll have to figure something out…but I wouldn’t recommend that you personally call them.  These are your mom’s friends, I think she needs to deal with them

And FYI, you are correct about crashers.  My sister had guests, our parents friends, who never RSVP’ed, never responded to repeated phone calls, and then showed up, were insulted they didn’t have name cards, complained to my parents, and left (though my parents would have tried to find them a seat).  But there’s a limit to how much you can do to accommodate people who don’t bother to RSVP…though of course you can’t tell them that to their face.  Still they are the rude ones, not you in that situation.

Post # 7
Member
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Lol. This is pretty funny to me.  Iagree to record it!!!!!!!

Post # 8
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Oh my goodness! Your mom has lost her marbles!  Tell her that there is absolutely NO room for her guests.  Explain to her again that this wasn’t okay, and that she needs to call her guests and tell them what she did. 

Post # 10
Member
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wow, then if they are paying, you are in more of a sticky situation and in a way she does have a right to invite people…you know the old saying "money talks…"

Post # 11
Member
22 posts
Newbee

Don’t stress too much over this. Things will work out. Just plan to have fun. Get everybody to dance 🙂

Post # 12
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

IF you have to uninvite anyone, perhaps you should set up a dinner with them some other time or something to make up for it. Hopefully it will all turn out okay though. 

Post # 13
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I would try not to stress over what’s already happened. At this point it would be really rude to call back to uninvite those guests. Tell your mom to put the brakes on. And although the deadline is April 18, there are going to be a lot of stragglers, in all likelihood. I think in the end you will probably be within or near capacity, even with 6 extras.

Post # 14
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

yea.  she is gone… I am sorry.

try to keep track of everything and play it by ear.  maybe you will be fine.

and yea, if she says something record it or get pictures of faces.

Post # 15
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Ugh, isn’t it the worst dealing with the guest list?  My mom insisted on inviting everyone she has known since kindergarten and even though our parents have been very generous and will be paying for the majority of the wedding, the more people they invite, the fewer options we have to do "fun yet unnecessary" stuff for the wedding.  I’m not complaining, just letting you know that we all deal with managing others’ expectations when it comes to wedding planning.

 One thing your mom might not be considering is that the venue probably didn’t set a limit on the number of guests based upon some type of "comfort" consideration, but because of the local fire ordinances.  They may be strictly precluded from allowing more than 150 people in the venue for safety reasons.  If I were you, I would check with your venue to see if they have a contingency plan if more than 150 people show up.  Almost everyone invites more guests than they actually expect will attend.  Your venue might actually have capacity for more people, but limit it to 150 so that they have some breathing room if more than that show up.  At least then you will know and be able to address any issues now, before its too late, and a more uncomfortable conversation to have.  Its worse to have things unknown, you will only stress more about it.  Good Luck!!

Post # 16
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I wouldn’t worry too much. We go a lot of RSVPs right off the bat, and then they slowed waaaaaaaaaay down until this week, the week that they’re due. Do you have a lot of guests coming in from out of town? That will significantly increase your amount of ‘nos’. We invited almost 190 (for a venue that could hold about 150), and I think we’ll end up with 115, which is mostly due to having so many out of town guests invited and inviting singles with guests.

And, just say to your mom, "okay, mom, I look forward to you personally handling any issues that arrive with the venue if we have too many guests"

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