Post # 1
I can’t help the way I feel. I ADORE my husband. Thank god right? Since we’re married. I love spending time with him and doing our thing…but I also LOVE and need my alone time.
He’s had knee surgery the week of Thanksgiving (work comp) and has been home every since until he got cleared by his doctor since there is no ‘light’ duty at his work. It’s all or nothing. He’s been doing work from home and in the process our living space has become quite disheveled and he’s always home.
I am the type of person who must have my alone time/space. I treasure my mornings on the weekends because the hubs used to go back to bed after walking dogs and I could sit with my cup of coffee and just ‘be’…this hasnt’ been happening lately. Hubs now stays up…
I have off from this Friday through the New Year and was VERY much looking forward to having the week to decompress solo while he was at work and then welcome him home each and every night. I was planning on organizing the house and just getting things done on my list. And you’re probably saying, “well you can still do those things with hubs home!” Well, it’s just not that easy.
He called and told me the doctor cleared him to return to work on Jan. 3rd. So no solo week for me and to be honest, I’m bummed about it. I know, I know, it sounds terrible but I just don’t know what to do or say.
Post # 3
Awww, hon, I actually understand ! unless I take a day off work sick (like today) I have zero solo time anymore and I miss it ! I really miss it ! Like you, I adore my husband, but it’s hard not having that time to yourself to just do “me stuff”. And no, you’re right, it’s not the same with hubby home.
I’m glad he’s feeling better though.
And you are anything but a bitch !
Post # 4
I can totally relate. My DH is in school and unemployed (just odd jobs here and there) and its very hard to get any alone time.
I used to be so productive when he was gone and when he is around I just love to cuddle and watch a movie together.
There isnt a really easy way to say you don’t want them around, but maybe you can find an errand or a job to keep him busy for a while to give you some space.
Post # 5
It doesn’t sound terrible at all. I’m the same exact way. My husband is an engineer manager and normally works 2nd shift 3pm until midnight. I miss him like crazy and look forward to our weekends.
Well for 4 months he was laid off and then just started a new job, but he’s been working day shift, so we are always home together and I have realized how much I love being able to miss him and getting my own stuff done. He goes back to 2nd shift after the holidays and I’m excited for it. LOL
Post # 6
@ItalianLady: awww, thanks. I’m glad you understand. I felt bad when he told me over the phone about 15 minutes ago…I think he could hear it in my voice which I attempted to disguise.
Post # 7
You’re not a terrible person, I’m the same way. One of the things that helped me was that early on in our relationship, I had FH read this article: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/ and then we talked about when I need ‘me’ time, i’m not rejecting him, I just need to be alone.
I think, if you could arrange with your husband to have some alone time scattered throughout the week, you might not feel the need for so much at once. Try talking to him about it!
Post # 8
My SO does a night rotation every 7 weeks, and I LOVE IT. It gives me some “me time” to just be a homebody, do a deep clean on the house, and catch up on my TV shows since SO doesn’t watch TV… O.o
Post # 9
Wow…I’m so glad you understand and can relate! It’s just been difficult this month because he’s home alone and I’m the one at work and when I get home I just want to decompress for a good hour…alone…or at least, no talking, no phone. But he’s home solo and wants constant interaction as soon as I get home.
Post # 10
I totally get it. I have a really intense need for alone time & personal space. Lucky for me, DH is ok with it & at the moment, healthy & employed.
I think it’s healthy to express your feelings, too many care givers deny their true feelings & end up eating themselves from the inside out with anger & resentment.
Maybe you can plan some sort of you time once DH is up & out in the big world again?
Post # 11
I actually feel the same way. My Fiance is an accountant so I barely see him end of Feb-April 15. Sometimes I’m lonely. But other times I love it. I get to get what I need done. I like being by myself. I completely understand and don’t think you’re a bitch at all!
Post # 12
I like my solo time, too!!!
I totally, completely, 100% understand. Dh and I are the same way, so it’s easy for us to not be offended when the other person needs their me time. It’s not personal, it’s just who we are
Post # 13
Nope not bitchy!
We are the same way, my husband and I need that time apart & value it! Husband has band practice every Thursday at our house, so I typically go run errands, or spend time with girlfriends. I love Thursdays! 😉
Post # 14
I don’t know, I’d wait to see what happens before you get upset that he’s there. My husband had a major surgery so he was home for a few months, I don’t work so I was just there taking care of him. I thought I’d go crazy, months of him for 24/7. But I loved it, I didn’t want him to go back to work!
If you do need some alone time, you could always leave the house. Go see a movie alone, or go to a bookstore or something.
Post # 15
I don’t think you are a bitch at all. But, if you start resenting him, then it becomes an issue. I think this is the kind of thing you should be honest about and discuss. Explain to him how much your alone time means to you, and that it has nothing to do with him. When my FH and I first moved in together, I found myself getting angry at him for no reason — and it turned out it was all about having my own space and time. Now that we have talked about it, he totally respects my time and he even appreciates having some of his own! You are married, not Siamese twins. You still get your own self.
Post # 16
biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch… please! that’s not bitchy at all! 😀 a girl’s got to have her alone time, maybe you can go to the library and either hole up there or grab some books and camp out in a room. if i were the hubs, i wouldn’t be offended.